The Virtuous Woman – Part 1 Sunday, October 13th, 2024 Christ Covenant Church – Centralia, WA

Proverbs 31:10-31

10Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.

11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, So that he shall have no need of spoil.

12She will do him good and not evil All the days of her life.

13She seeketh wool, and flax, And worketh willingly with her hands.

14She is like the merchants’ ships; She bringeth her food from afar.

15She riseth also while it is yet night, And giveth meat to her household, And a portion to her maidens.

16She considereth a field, and buyeth it: With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17She girdeth her loins with strength, And strengtheneth her arms.

18She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: Her candle goeth not out by night.

19She layeth her hands to the spindle, And her hands hold the distaff.

20She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; Her clothing is silk and purple.

23Her husband is known in the gates, When he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; And delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25Strength and honour are her clothing; And she shall rejoice in time to come.

26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; And in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27She looketh well to the ways of her household, And eateth not the bread of idleness.

28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29Many daughters have done virtuously, But thou excellest them all.

30Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31Give her of the fruit of her hands; And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Prayer

Father, we thank you for the light of wisdom that is revealed in the Scriptures. And as we consider now this specific ray of light in this model of the virtuous woman, we ask that you would inspire us and motivate us and reveal to us the ways that we ought to pattern our own lives after this example. We ask for Your Holy Spirit in the name of Christ Jesus, and Amen.

Introduction

This morning, I am delighted to begin with you a three-part mini-series on the Proverbs 31 Woman. And these three sermons in Proverbs are going to set the stage for how to read and interpret the book of Esther, which we shall begin in November, Lord willing.

• So three sermons on Proverbs 31, and then Esther, that’s where we will be for the next few months, if you want to start reading and thinking ahead.

Getting Our Bearings

Well, let’s get our bearings first for where we are in the Bible. We are shifting gears from Mark’s Gospel in the New Testament to a Hebrew text that was likely written or recorded by Solomon around 900 BC.

• In the Biblical timeline, the book of Genesis spans about 2,300 years from Adam to Joseph.
• Moses comes on the scene around 1500 BC, 1500 years before the birth of Christ.
• And then about 500 years after Moses and the Exodus, you have the Davidic Monarchy established, and this brings us to Solomon’s reign which begins around 943 BC.
• We have in our Bibles multiple works by Solomon, we have Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon. But these three divinely inspired and canonical books are just a sample, the cream of the crop, of the many other things that King Solomon wrote.
  • We read in 1 Kings 4:30-34, “And Solomon’s wisdom excelled the wisdom of all the children of the east country, and all the wisdom of Egypt. For he was wiser than all men…and his fame was in all nations round about. And he spake three thousand proverbs: and his songs were a thousand and five. And he spake of trees, from the cedar tree that is in Lebanon even unto the hyssop that springeth out of the wall: he spake also of beasts, and of fowl, and of creeping things, and of fishes. And there came of all people to hear the wisdom of Solomon, from all kings of the earth, which had heard of his wisdom.”
  • So in addition to being king, Solomon was a kind of natural scientist, biologist, and philosopher. God gave to Solomon a special and supernatural gift of wisdom, and this gift was given so that knowledge might increase, advance, and be passed on to others, even to us who are living 3,000 years after Solomon reigned.
• Now if we zoom in on the book of Proverbs, we discover in chapter 1 that the whole purpose of this book is to train a young prince into a wise king. Proverbs is divinely inspired parental instruction.
  • Listen to Proverb 1:1-8, “The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel; To know wisdom and instruction; To perceive the words of understanding; To receive the instruction of wisdom, Justice, and judgment, and equity; To give subtilty to the simple, To the young man knowledge and discretion. A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; And a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels: To understand a proverb, and the interpretation; The words of the wise, and their dark sayings. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: But fools despise wisdom and instruction. My son, hear the instruction of thy father, And forsake not the law of thy mother…”
  • So Proverbs is a collection of riddles and wise sayings from a Father King & Mother Queen, that if observed, and if understood, and if obeyed, will turn a young and simple prince into a wise and just king. Proverbs was written to make those who read and obey it wise.
• Now there are many sins and mistakes that young men are prone to, and in the first 30 chapters Solomon covers them all: laziness, lust, drunkenness, violence, running your mouth, not listening to good advice, hanging with the wrong crowd, caving to bad peer pressure, not respecting your elders, wasting money, wasting time, trying to get rich quick instead of being patient and diligent, on and on Solomon goes. And then after all of that instruction and repetition, how does Solomon end the book?
• Well, we read in Proverbs 31:1 that the contents of this final chapter are, “The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.”
  • Lemuel literally means “devoted or belonging to God.” We don’t know if this King Lemuel was a real person that Solomon knew, or just another title for Solomon himself, but in either case, these are the words of a king devoted to God, and an oracle that the king learned from his mother.
  • So the contents of Proverbs 31 originates from the mouth of a godly woman, a godly and wise mother who wanted the best for her son and therefore had him commit these words to memory.

Do Not Give Your Strength to Woman

• So what kind of oracle and advice does this godly mother give to her son?
  • There are two sections to Proverbs 31.
    • In verses 2-9, Lemuel’s mother gives him a poem about how a king should conduct himself.And then in verses 10-31 (our text), she describes the kind of woman that Lemuel should seek to marry. She gives him a description of the kind of daughter-in-law she wants to have.Godly mothers care about who their sons marry, and godly sons heed good advice from their mother.
    We read in verses 2-3, the Queen says to Lemuel, “What, my son? and what, the son of my womb? And what, the son of my vows? Give not thy strength unto women, Nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.”This threefold repetition of the question “What? What? What? Is another way of saying, “Listen, my son. Listen to me. Listen to your mother who bore you and raised you and dedicated you to God. Listen to the voice of your mother who knows you and loves you and wants what is best for you.”And then with his ears attentive to her voice, she says, “Do not give your strength to women.” This is a mother’s advice.This word that gets translated as “strength” is a very important Hebrew word which is pronounced hayil.Hayil is used 243 times in the Hebrew Bible, and it most frequently has a military connotation that signifies physical strength to fight, or to go to war, or to rule and govern with ability. A man that has hayil is a man of valour.
    • For example, it says in Exodus 18:25, “Moses chose able men (men with hayil) out of all Israel, and made them heads over the people, rulers of thousands, rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens.”In the book of Ruth, Boaz is called a “mighty man of hayil” (אִ֚ישׁ גִּבּ֣וֹר חַ֔יִל), he is a great man with wealth, valour, and strength.
    And so here in this context of Proverbs 31, King Lemuel’s mother is saying, do not give your hayil, your wealth, your substance, your power, your virility, sexual or otherwise, to women (note the plural!).
• So if that is the negative command, “Don’t do that.” What is the positive exhortation? What then should the prince do to avoid wasting his strength?
  • Well, the answer is he needs to find one virtuous woman and marry her. And that is what verses 10-31 portray.

The Virtuous Woman

Now before we look at the first section of this passage, there are couple things you need to know.

• First, this is an acrostic poem, which means that each verse begins with a new letter in the Hebrew alphabet and goes all the way through. There are 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabet, and there are 22 verses starting with verse 10 and going through verse 31.
  • So to translate this into English terms, this is the A to Z of what a godly woman looks like. Every letter in the Hebrew alphabet begins a new verse to describe this woman.
  • It would be kind of like writing an anniversary card for your wife and saying I am going to describe you with every letter in the alphabet: “A is for how Attractive you. B is for how Beautiful you are. C is for how great a Cook you are. And so on. That is essentially what Proverbs 31:10-31 is, a Hebrew acrostic poem from Aleph to Tav, it is a comprehensive vision for a virtuous wife.
  • So that’s the first thing, this is a Hebrew acrostic poem that was written to be easily memorized (at least in Hebrew).
• Second, this portrait is not describing what a young woman in her teens or twenties must be before she gets married, but rather, it is describing what a godly woman becomes as she walks with God for many many years, raises children, manages a household, served the Lord, and loves her husband.
  • In this sense, a young prince like Lemuel is being taught to look for the seeds of these virtues in a potential wife. And then once he is married, this portrait gives him and his wife a model to pattern their own marriage and household after.
  • It is the wife’s responsibility to cultivate her own gifts and virtues that God has given her, but it is also the husband’s responsibility to see that she does not neglect those gifts and qualities. So remember this description is given in the first instance not to women, but to Lemuel, a man.
  • A husband should not expect his wife to become the Proverbs 31 woman overnight, or on her own. This is a model and example for the husband to know and study, so that he can sanctify his wife, resource and encourage her in these ways.
  • So to summarize my second qualification: what we are about to look at in these verses (this week and next) is a vast and beautiful garden in full bloom after years of weeding, pruning, and toil in the soil. This is the glory that comes from a long obedience in the same direction, and not a microwaved glory that disappears as quickly as it comes.
  • That means we should both expect to fall short of this model and example (because its perfection), but also, we should be inspired to become this and aim at this over time and make the necessary changes now according to our life and circumstance.
  • Applying this passage is going to look different if you are 13, or 25, or 65, whether you are married, unmarried, widowed, divorced, etc. There is something here for everyone to imitate.
  • An essential aspect of wisdom is knowing how to discern the principle, and then apply it to your unique and individual circumstances. You need to the fear of God to do that.
  • Now to our text.

Outline of the Text

There are three basic sections to this poem:

• 1. Verses 10-12 describe the woman’s value.
• 2. Verses 13-27 describe the woman’s actions.
• 3. Verses 28-31 describe the woman’s praiseworthiness.
  • This morning we’ll only cover that first section, verses 10-12, and then next week we’ll cover the rest.

Verse 10

10Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.

• The first thing we learn about the virtuous woman is that she is not easy to find. Virtue is rare in a world of sinners (and even more rare in a world dominated by feminism and false teaching), and therefore a young man must do the hard work of searching, asking, knocking, networking, praying to God and pleading for God’s favor.
  • We read in Proverbs 19:14, “Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
  • Likewise in Proverbs 18:22 it says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.”
  • So a virtuous woman is rare and precious, and you need God’s favor to find one.
• Now recall that Lemuel’s mother told him not to give his strength/hayil to women. Well guess what the Hebrew word that gets translated as virtuous is in this verse? It’s that same Hebrew word, hayil.
• The “virtuous woman” in Hebrew is called an wife with hayil. She is a woman of valour/strength/competence/substance.
• And so Lemuel’s mother is saying, don’t give your masculine hayil to a bunch of women, find one woman who has feminine hayil, and marry her.
• Now if you want to see the difference between masculine hayil and feminine hayil, the place to go is the book of Ruth.
  • Because there is one woman in particular that the Hebrew Bible explicitly praises as a virtuous woman. And that woman is Ruth. Boaz is called an ish-gibor-hayil (a mighty man of valour), and he says in Ruth 3:10-11, “Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.”
  • In some versions of the Hebrew Bible, the book of Ruth is placed right after the book of Proverbs. And so reading in that order you would have this description of the Proverbs 31 woman, and then you would meet that woman in the person of Ruth.
  • Recall also, Ruth is the great grandmother of King David, and the great-great grandmother of King Solomon. Some have speculated that perhaps this poem of Proverbs 31 originated with Ruth or Naomi and was passed down to Lemuel’s mother as family heirloom, the poem of the virtuous wife.
• Whatever the case, if you want to know what a virtuous woman looks like in an esepcially hard circumstance, Ruth is your example. And if you want to know what a man of virtue looks like, Boaz is your example.
• Boaz and Ruth, although economically very un-equal, are a great match because they are equal in virtue. They both have hayil in the way that God intended.
• So in answer to the question, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” Well, it helps if you are a man of virtue and know what to look for. A prudent wife is from the Lord.
• In verses 11-12 we see why she is so valuable.

Verses 11-12

11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, So that he shall have no need of spoil. 12She will do him good and not evil All the days of her life.

• A virtuous woman is trustworthy. And that is extremely high praise given what Scripture says elsewhere about trusting other human beings.
  • Psalm 118:8 says, “It is better to trust in the Lord Than to put confidence in man.”
  • Psalm 39:5 says, “Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor.”
  • Jeremiah 17:5 says, “Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength, Whose heart departs from the Lord.”
• So a virtuous wife is not a substitute for trusting in God, but she is a rare and reliable confidant for her husband because she herself trusts in God.
• What makes a woman trustworthy then are the other virtues of 1) prudence, 2) discretion, and 3) love.
  • 1. A prudent wife does not gossip or complain to others about her husband’s faults.
    • We read later in this poem in verse 26, “the law of kindness is on her lips.” When she opens her mouth wisdom is what comes out.
  • 2. Likewise, a discrete wife knows what details to disclose and what details to omit when she speaks of personal matters to others.
    • Recall the qualifications for a deacon’s wife that we studied a couple weeks again, Paul says in 1 Timothy 3:11, “Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things.”
    • He says further in Titus 2:3-5, exhort all “the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
    • Jesus says that, “Out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.” And therefore, a discrete woman must first cleanse her own heart, keep her own heart with all diligence, and then is able to safely keep the heart of her husband. “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, So that he shall have no need of spoil.” He has no fear of betrayal.
  • 3. Third, a loving wife always and ever seeks the good of her husband, and that love covers a multitude of sins.
• Where love and trust are lacking in a marriage, true intimacy will be lacking as well. Our souls can only intermingle with one another, when there is mutual trust and mutual love that comes from the Holy Spirit.
• Summary: A virtuous woman is trustworthy. She is prudent and discrete, and the sign of that trustworthiness is that her husband can say in all honesty, “my wife has done me no evil but only good all the days of my life.” That is a really high bar and very high praise, and you can see why such a woman of virtue is hard to find and more precious than rubies.

Conclusion

Let me close with a few exhortations according to the different ages and stages of life in this room.

• First to the young men. If you want to find a virtuous wife, then you must become the kind of man a virtuous young woman would want to marry.
  • A virtuous woman will not be attracted to you if you are lazy and broke, with no substance to give.
  • In our day, many men have wasted their strength on women through pornography, through gambling, through the many deceptive snares of the world that promise immediate pleasure instead of the far greater and true satisfaction of hard work, self-denial, and chastity.
  • And so heed the words of Paul who says to Timothy, flee these things. Flee the love of money, flee the deceptive woman, flee pornography and the lying snares of the devil. They are all liars that will rob your hayil and destroy you.
  • I say again, If you want to find a virtuous wife, you must become the kind of man a virtuous woman would want to marry.
• Second, to the young women. I said earlier and it bears repeating, that this portrait of the virtuous wife is like the king’s palace garden in full bloom after many years of hard obedience. You don’t get acres of mature fruit trees and beautiful flowers overnight, or even in a few years. It is decades in the works.
  • And so to borrow that imagery, you are starting with one little garden bed. Weed it. Tend it. Water it. Plant it. Nourish it. Care for it. And as it says in Zechariah 4:10, “Don’t despise that day of small beginnings.”
  • The garden is your soul. Your life. Your responsibility.
  • And so remember the words of Jesus who said, “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much” (Luke 16:10), and if “you have been faithful over a few things, God will make you ruler over many things” (Matt. 25:23).
  • So practice faithfulness in your little garden bed, and God will in due time expand your borders.
• Third, to those who are married and only see in this portrait just how far you are from these virtues. Take heart and remember who is the source of every virtue: It is Jesus Christ.
  • It says in John 1:14, “And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.”
  • This means that where you are presently is just the beginning and not the end. God wants to take your ashes and give you beauty. God wants to take your shame, your fear, your broken past, and give you a new chapter that is characterized by grace and truth.
  • If you want that, God offers it to you every day. His mercies are new every morning. So call upon him, confess your failures and sins to Him. Go to the one of whom it says in Psalm 84:11, “For the Lord God is a sun and shield: The Lord will give grace and glory: No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.”
  • In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen.