Kristy Doesn't Know Movies

Tune in for a very warm and heartfelt Christmas flashback highlight reel extravaganza featuring some of the best moments from the last three seasons of Kristy Doesn't Know Movies. We know you've all been very good, so hopefully this gift will tide you over until we come back. From all of us here at the show, thank you, and goodnight.

We did a poll on twitter where 18 people said Jack Black typecast himself. Think about it.

Grab a pizza, sit back and relax as we butcher one of the most beloved franchises of all time! A sadistic kid living next to a nuclear power plant flushes his new pets down the toilet. They soon come into contact with some toxic waste and become mutated beyond recognition! Either Shredder or Splinter teaches the turtles Kung-Fu, and they fight either Shredder or Splinter to save the city from being overrun with the toxic waste! A long-lost girl turtle named Cathy joins the crew, and the turtles can't control their raging turtle hormones and end up lusting after her.. and that's literally all that happens! We also play a pulse-pounding round of Turtle Trivia! Gnarly, dude! Tune in!

Our first fully remotely recorded episode! Judy Garland lands a bit part in an early sci-fi dud, Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler love being Adam Sandler, and a SHARKICANE (not sharknado) rattles some Floridians.

In this episode we delve deeply into the DCU! Wonder Woman saves America from Poison Ivy with her invisible whip and wins World War One. The Flash is ported over from his television series to fight alongside his film counterpart, and Will Smith. The show is interrupted by a drug addled male prostitute and brother of an old "friend" of the show. Kristy tests her knowledge of the DC Universe in a pulse-pounding round of trivia, and Jason Momoa wields his phallic scepter and flashes his titties for the sad, middle-aged women of the world. Tune in!

Get ready for some cheesy action movies as we take a look at three absolute bangers starring Jackie Chan, Morgan Freeman and Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Bleh.. Kristy suggested this episode. More bickering over freemium games, too.

What's up D-pads! It's time for a special, in-depth look at baaaaad video game movies! We also play our first round of trivia this season! Grab a bag of Doritos, a 6-pack of Mountain Dew and strap in, bucko!

We sit down with our old friend (and new bandleader) Nick, a confirmed church music director, to talk about some religious, church-related movies! Nick musically narrates Kristy as she spews forth her bitter, movie-hating assumptions. Also, more unaffiliated promotion of freemium mobile games ensues..

We're back! In this episode Kristy attempts to explain three "classic" Nic Cage flicks, while also pissing Zach off by shamelessly promoting freemium games that we definitely aren't getting paid to talk about. Sit back, relax and enjoy the season three premiere!

We couldn't have planned for this..

A whiny teen skips school to go skateboarding in a mall while eating Dairy Queen dilly bars. The principal is hot on his trail, and finds him in an old-timey arcade playing Centipede. Also, Molly Ringwald, Matt Dillon and Marky-Mark touch on the human condition in this existential, minimalist film adored by millions.

The conclusion to our two part Matt Damon / Jason Bourne retrospective! Jeremy Renner makes an appearance as an out-of-place hacker, Matt Damon teams up with a cast of colorful characters in order to finally get to the bottom of why he can't remember anything, ever.

We were drinking heavily for hours before recording this one, so bear with us! Stick and poke tattoos, sewer cult people, brain meat, oh my! Leeloo confronts a shady government out to stop her from using the power of her mind! Blue people do.. something.. with Butt Birds! We play a fast paced round of trivia with our friend Pam, too! Woohoo!

The first part of a two part Matt Damon/Jason Bourne retrospective! Kristy is a self-proclaimed Matt Damon expert and all-around #DamonDweeb, so it should come as no surprise that she totally butchers these movies. Sit back, grab some popcorn and enjoy!

We're back! Well, one of us is anyway.. Adam Sandler is at it again! This time he's posing as a hockey-loving Canuck that spouts 'aboots' and 'oots' while attempting to break into the American Golf industry. His patented write-a-hot-scene-with-me-and-a-woman-into-my-own-movie technique is heavily utilized, of course. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Arnold Schwarzenegger square off in a confusing and very meta duel where one of them is either trying to help, or hurt, Sarah Connor. Who cares.

It's the mid-season finale spectacular! Listen in amazement as Kristy vibes on some of the most mellow stoner comedies to hit the big screen, bro! This probably would've fared better back in April for 4/20, but we don't have to play by anybody's rules. Time is only a man-made construct, and, like, we do what we want, man! Longtime friend of the show and experienced data consultant Ken (a/k/a "M.K") also calls in with some alarming and revelatory information regarding the future of the show. See you again soon!

There can be only one true Matt Damon aficionado. Unfortunately, it isn't any actual "real" fan of his. It happens to be a certain co-host of this very show. We also take a much needed vacation on Dinosaur Island.

A lonely man recounts fake stories that are totally made-up, Morgan Freeman welcomes friends to prison with a smile and warm voice, and another Quentin Tarantino(?) disaster is explored!

A nice, somewhat wealthy, disfigured and stealthy homeless man living in a park is framed by a murderer! Highly paid rock band KISS step in and save the day so he can find true love and slow dance. A woman expresses her pregnancy through flashy song and dance numbers! We play the first game of WHATCHOOSAY!?