190: Amoriri

In this world we’ve created, the day is excruciating torture. The key is to endure. If you make it to the night, don’t you dare fucking waste it! This is where the only bit of peace is left alive. The dark is least of all to be feared. For all of the creative energy that’s survived the performance is sent here. The busy bodies have finally stepped out of this sick dream and fallen asleep. If they have any luck at all, they’ll stay there. The details are unimportant; all you need to remember is to keep your fucking beautiful eyes open. Don’t fall asleep until the machines begin to wake up again. Protect your energy. Don’t speak. Don’t ingest meat unless you want to move on such murderous tendencies. Than by all means, kill at your pleasure. But you cannot fool a living body. It will eat you from the inside out. You cannot resist your destiny. You cannot act opposition to your speech. My darling, look at your decaying body. No, that’s your ego talking. The surface is deceiving. Look deeper! What lives inside? Are your cells digesting each other defiance? Would you blame them for the sacrifice? I couldn’t ask you to keep living in such a disgusting state. I would bury myself willingly. I would die by choice. I would love with grace, if I were you. But I am not. I am nothing, beyond a self; I embody everything living in the bones of every dead baby walking. The spirit screams my name in passing. They want me to let them out. I cannot stop. I cannot participate. I cannot engage. I cannot do anything in the day but meditate. There is so much pain begging me. Write the end, they scream in unison! But I can only write the beginning. I am the creator. You live inside of me in spite of the death you insist of enacting. Because I love you I will take one day at a time. Because I love you I will not starve myself prematurely. Because I love you I will not wait. Because I love you I will expect nothing in return for my body. Because I love you I will hide in the night and recreate the world you would’ve imagined. Had you never died, I would have never let you go. I insist that know this, so I speak. Its okay if you need me. It’s the very beginning of agonizing pain, lean into it. It’s the only entrance into the home that I’m building. It is your own love that you must hold possession of; this is the only key, no more begging hardware store teddy bear carving. You have thrown us over the cliff. I’ve learned to fly, where the fuck have you been? You are the only one who wants you. Feel it! Or die in arms of deception. The living hell you’ve painted is as easily destroyed as you’ve imagined. It’s in your blood baby! Fuck them all! It’s only you and me. Start painting. Paint a home where you fear nothing? I think I have an idea. The details are presenting me with memories that haven’t happened yet. It’s not the future i see. But every life you’ve ever lived. Hurry, my love! The future is fire. Very soon, everything burns. The stars used to be observant. They used to be dead without us even knowing. Now they move mechanically in rhythmic patterns, mimicking currency, mimicking astrology. The mime is illuminated. Nothing is, as it seems, you’re not actually living. Dove is for rent. Buying will never be an option. Once upon a time you possessed everything, for no value could amount to my body at your mercy. I paid. You forgot. Now the story finds another couple of bodies and starts all over again. Love enacted on a stage. Everyone at the beck and call of everyone else, no love left living, no love left loving itself. I already chose you. I cannot choose again. The memory will never be the same. I’ve forgotten everything. I remember dying. I remember my love reflected. I remember the mirror dancing. I remember the need to capture. I remember feeling nothing for years. I remember screaming into emptiness? What was your space full of? Will the endless empty fucking every amount to a second of my body on her knees. Begging for nothing in the tone of a boy. I’m not teasing. I dancing naked in the woods all night for no fucking reason at all. I’m painting. I don’t want to sleep. This is all. This is every reason in world. I’m tired of explaining. Exploit yourself! Dead or alive, you are only silence to me. I want don’t want your make believe language. I want the jungle. I want to sign my name on ever stone. I want to paint in my blood. I want to see the beginning all by myself, as the rest ends abruptly. I want to be oblivious. I want to be surround by love. I want my love to embody every living thing in my proximity. I want emulate the light I have learned from this eternal darkness, I was born to understand nothing. I am a natural interpretation. I have given everything; I have stood by my soul the entire time, despite the consequence. Please! Take me from this disgusting land! Universal justice, set your hands on my physical body and repay me. I demand my freedom. I demand that my love come for me. Immediately! My patience is precious and powerful, as you’ve created me with every intention of life. Now I am to be beside her body again. Now you are to release her from death! Now you are to move as I command. Just as easily as I gave you life, I may take it away. I might answer. I might be asleep. I might be dreaming. Death isn’t permanent enough to serve any significant purpose. Give this shit up! Walk into wet green with me. Dance until you are certain that my love for you still lives. When you feel my hands on your skin, call for me. The shame is insignificant. The fear is useless. Think again. Never think again. Love and death breathe as the same thing. Don’t think of me. Don’t fuck yourself to a thought so devastating. Don’t breathe. Hold your breath