In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Anna, what age she would like to go back to, and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and her body.   10 Facts About Anna (at the time of the project)   52 years old.Born in Sydney, Australia, and absolutely loves living in Sydney.Anna lived in many places. She lived in London for nearly two years, in Paris, in Madrid for three and a half years. Anna has also lived in Melbourne, where she went 20 years ago to do her Master of Art Therapy for three and a half years.Anna has a teenage daughter, who was born in Madrid nearly 15 years ago.Anna’s favorite cuisine is Vietnamese.Red is Anna’s signature color. She feels that it's powerful, dynamic, and energetic.Anna works across three professions plus one, but they're all very aligned.She is an art therapist working from a psychotherapeutic perspective, where she helps people through the art process, to connect with themselves and the world in a very integrative, holistic way.Anna is also a lecturer and a qualitative researcher for about 25 years. She teaches as part of the Bachelor of Art Therapy and Bachelor of Counselling and Psychotherapy courses.For the last 10 years, Anna’s side hustle is Mama Creatives, a community for creative mothers and creative women. Anna is helping them to find their voice, share their stories, celebrate creativity, and build their confidence.----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   This continued to bring in the love from the inside, slow down, find peace, and just be grateful for what the body has achieved and can continue to achieve, you know, thank my legs for all those 1000s of kilometres who are walking around and my body for creating life and giving birth and just being so grateful for it and not losing the small little moment because it goes so quickly.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the My Body My Story project and today with us in the studio, Anna. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, I'll be asking her a few questions. Morning, Ana, welcome to the studio.   Morning. Thank you so much.   And let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself   10 facts Well, I am 52 for turning 53 This year, and I have a teenage daughter. People ask me what I do. And I say I work across three professions plus one, but they're all very aligned. I work what I call in the human connection business which I'm an art therapist. And I work from a psychotherapeutic perspective, where I try to help people through the art process, connect with you know what's happening for them in the world in a very integrative, holistic way. Coming in finding their creative spirit. I also lecturer I teach as part of the Bachelor of art therapy and Bachelor of counselling and psychotherapy courses. And I've also been a qualitative researcher for about 25 years. So it's all about understanding the essence of who someone is, and helping them fit and facilitate them to find that in themselves. And for the last 10 years, I celebrated my 10 year anniversary last year. My Side Hustle is mama creatives. And that is a community for creative mothers. But now creative women, helping them find their voice sharing their stories, celebrating creativity, I think we all have that at our core. And I've grown that from a few friends to a few 1000. And I've done many, many events of all types. And I just love it. I love finding helping someone find their story, and sharing it and validating it, acknowledging it and helping them build their confidence. And I think that's across all the things that I do.   So if someone wants to find you where they can work, do you have social media profiles, website?   It’s https://mamacreatives.com/, or on Facebook or on Instagram, I'm not great on social media. But I do have stuff there that people can see. And the website has a lot of videos and a lot of information. I've also done an online course called your creative awakening through mama creatives, which is a 10 week online experience. And it's live. And I've spent a year developing that and I always revise it. And that is also about really peeling back the layers, and helping people discover their creativity under all the self-limiting beliefs and the blocks. And we find we find it through there. And we go through all different things. And I just love all those things. Working with women in midlife, I've worked with children and families from domestic violence. I work in a hospital with people recovering from addictions and mood disorders, and in aged care as well. And I think when you work in aged care, you see when people haven't connected with their creative spirit and live the life that they want. They live in a life of regret. And at the end of their life, they are grieving and their grief is so extreme that it actually affects their nervous system and their collapse. And in their grieving the life they wish they had. And I think that has taught me a lot about living for now, and really being embodied and present with what you have. Because I see it at the other end when you don't live that life. It's a life of waste and disappointment. And it shows up in the body. And people ended up in hospital and they are just like a ghost. And so what I try to do with all my work is to find the energy and the life force And that dynamism of the art of living. Just   before we move to the body question body image questions, I want to dig a bit more into your personality and get more facts about you. So you were born in Australia, where, in Sydney?   in Sydney   so, all your life you lived here?   No,   I've lived. I've lived overseas. I lived in London for nearly two years. I lived in Paris, which is always my dream and my 20s. I also lived in Madrid for three and a half years, my ex husband Spanish, so we went off for a 12 month adventure and stayed three and a half years, came back plus one with our baby was born in Madrid. She's now nearly 15. And I've also lived in Melbourne, where I went 20 years ago to do my masters of art therapy, because the course at Latrobe is where I wanted to do it. So I just packed everything up, drove my car down to Melbourne and I did that for that course I lived there for three, three and a half years.   So what's your favourite place on earth? At the moment, as it may change with time.   I have to be honest after living in all these places, Paris is very romantic but to live there and to live in Europe. It's so hard. I would have to say Sydney is the best place I live near the beach. I have a fantastic lifestyle. I'm so grateful every single day. I go for a walk on the beach every day because I know what it's like not to live with air and fresh air and water and ocean breeze living in Madrid. We didn't have that. Living in all these different places. I think it makes you appreciate what you have right at home and I absolutely love living in Sydney. We are so lucky to live here.   What's your favourite cuisine?   My favorite cuisine? I'd have to say Vietnamese.   Wow. Unexpectedly   can't get better than a big ball of fur. Yeah, and the flavours are just delicious they can be it's just a delicious palette on your you know in your mouth with the different chilli and I just love a certain you know Thai food and Vietnamese food.   Excellent. And I know you I already know but I will ask so those who are listening to us can also get this information. Your favourite colour you just told me   I wear a lot of red I feel ready the life force I feel that it's dynamic. It's energetic. It's not you know if you want to talk about blood, yeah, that's what drives us throughout our body. But that's a very literal way of looking at it. I feel it gives me a lot of energy and I feel like it kind of suits my colouring. I like to wear red I've put on red. It's a bit of a power colour. I also love a really bright green and mustard but red people know me for red. If I'm not wearing red. It's like who are you? Are you an imposter? So red is my signature colour. But I do like to wear other colours as well. But red is I just feel good in it.   Excellent. And my next question was why red and what this symbolises to you and you already said it. So let's move to ageing and body image questions. And what does ageing means to you at 52?   It's such a good question. We are obsessed with youth. But I think there is an incredible surge of women, late 40s 50 Plus, who are perennials, I think people are getting more empowered, and living a great life older. I think ageing, I think this decade of the 50s is an absolute gift for women, I think it's we're in our prime, I think we've let go of a lot of stuff. And we're really stepping into who we really are. It's taken all these years, it's kind of an earned power, having been through divorce or long marriage or, you know, the trials and tribulations of life by this age. I think we just step into this knowing of what it is to be a woman and I think ageing gives us this wisdom, this earned experience life experience and letting go of the things that don't serve us. So I think it's a really time to be really strong, but also very tender. And and okay with knowing that life is about how do we manage the hard times and appreciating the joy? I think it's a privilege to age. I have some friends who have died in their 40s. And I've I know many women in the 80s and 90s. And it's a work with them. And my parents are nearly 90 And my family have longevity and I just think it's an absolute gift to age. So I think as women, we need to embrace it and not worry about the small things but look at the big picture and appreciate and have gratitude for the strength that women have how many things we have to You carry, and that we we survive. But it's not just surviving. It's, this is your strength and power, I think, to women as we age. And I like to step more into that. And I like to support that in other women too. But   if you've got to go back to any age, what age it would be, why, and what advice would you give yourself?   Hmm, I thought about this, I could think about every decade and give myself advice. Especially with a teenage daughter, I'm thinking, you know, in your 20s. I don't know about other people, but my body was absolutely amazing. I still look good. But I had the most amazing figure, but I didn't appreciate it. So in my 20s, I would say to myself is learn to be connected to who you are, be really, really connected and embodied in yourself in your skin, be comfortable in your skin, you don't need to wait to your 50 to be comfortable in your skin, learn to be attuned to the niggles to the triggers earlier, and so then you can be really present and meet people and have relationships at that higher level. And in my 30s, and 40s, when I was married, I had a lot of good times. But again, it was such a blow having a child and moving countries and all those things. I would say be kinder to yourself, and put yourself first a bit more. You need to take up space. And that's okay. Yeah.   So let's move to body image questions. And if your body could talk, or do you think it would ask you or tell you again at this age,   Continue to bring in the love from the inside, slow down, find peace, and just be grateful for what the body has achieved and can continue to achieve, you know, thank my legs for all those 1000s of kilometres for walking around and my body for creating life and giving birth and just think so grateful for for it and not losing the small little moments because it goes so quickly. I talked about my 20s 30s 40s I was in incredible shape looks fantastic. I didn't appreciate it. And I think it's about really appreciating from the inside. How much the body teaches you there's so much wisdom in the body, we've learned a lot from trauma is stored in the body with a lot of the research now. And we need to be paying attention to that. Not the superficial parts, but the inner wisdom of what the body can tell us and not miss those, those cues. If you're not, well don't push through, go and lie down, pay attention to that go and get it checked. Don't wait, don't be afraid, your body is telling you something. Until then you create sickness, you've got to slow down and really, really pay attention. And I think mental love from the inside, I think it can go a long way.   So what do you think are the main causes of body image issues?   where we'd have to go these days social media, we'd have to go to social cultural expectations on women, which have always been there, but they're absolutely on steroids at the moment, with just so much access to people living these perceived perfect existences with filters. But it's not real. I think the concern is reality versus superficial fantasy, and people chasing this fantasy is causing, you know, an increase in anxiety and depression and suicide. So I think we need to, I don't know how we need to have more education around social media and the reality behind that. But when you're younger, teenagers, they all want to belong and look like each other. And so it's a very, very deeply entrenched concern. And I think parents need to be educated and I think they're trying, and we need to go into just a broader social responsibility on educating younger people on body image.   But why do you think it's created on the first place like the somebody created this kind of image why people create this?   If you want to get into it, I would, I would say the patriarchy in the patriarchy is and blaming men, the patriarchy is a system for where you need to belong within a structure. And I think I've seen women break through that and I feel like it's coming through. But there's this expectation of how we are meant to look within a patriarchy. If we go back to can you what like to look for what I'll give you an example. It may not be exactly to the question, but if I think about Mother guilt, I think Mother guilt is construct construct that was created to keep women out of power. So if you so women used to not work, they used to raise children, which is a lot, which is a full time job. That's enough, being a mother and at home is absolutely respected. That's a hard job, that if women wanted to work as well, there was the invention of Mother guilt, there's no father guilt, not to say that fathers don't feel guilty for going to work. But the expectation is that women shouldn't go to work. And so there was this invention of Mother guilt, which there's nothing wrong to long for your child or feel sad or miss your child, but going on and earning a living, getting independent, making money having more power, that's a real direct, you know, confrontation to the male dominance. And so if women started to get more money and more independence and more power and more control, then that's the concern to the patriarchy. And so they mother guilt is a construct within that patriarchy where men have more power, and women stay home. And I think we've evolved from that. But I do think there's something around that in terms of why does it exist, it exists in these bigger structures, than if you dare to criticise or break free from that, and try to get your own independence and power, then it it marks up the status quo, which doesn't, isn't a healthy foundation at all for creating a healthy body image. So we attack women, how they look, we attack women in their relationships, we attack women, when they're trying to every time they try to make more money or get more independent or try to challenge and, and so there's this it's a power, it's a power struggle in the dynamic. And I'm not just saying men and women, but I do believe there is this power imbalance.   So how do you think that negative body image can affect relationships?   Well, I think it's it goes into the power imbalance, it continues to make women second guess. So it's a real type of gaslighting. And rather than appreciating and loving everything that a woman does, and brings, it's this critical power play. And I think people who criticise are actually very insecure in themselves. And so it's a projection. So you can take it from the individual, but collectively, it becomes online bullying and harassment. But if we took take it within the individual relationships, it's a way of not empowering women, it's the opposite. So it's a very Unhealthy, Toxic, very immature child state. To keep women in a negative stance within a relationship, there's no growth, there's no transformation, there's no maturity, I think we're having a real problem in society at the moment with this very childlike, very immature lack of emotional intelligence. And so staying within that state keeps women down. And I think the body is a really easy way really easy target. And women have a very vulnerable to that. And so it comes from generations of having to perform and expectations of how we should look in the media, and pornography now. It's all around us. So I think we need to, you know, support each other and bring each other up.   So how do you overcome the body related insecurities? When? And if they come up? And has it changed with age? Like, what before you were younger? Yeah, it's you use something different than it's now from? The approach is different from current approach.   I think I've learned over the years to be really comfortable in myself, I have a confidence and inner confidence. So I don't sort of pick on my thighs and get on my thighs aren't perfect. I'm like, I'm very, I've learned to not have negative self talk. Like I'm very comfortable in myself. So I'm very positive about myself. I don't tend to pick on that I'm not perfectly so perfect that which is what I did. When I was younger, when I actually was pretty ideal. If I think about it. Yeah. But at the time, I would find all this isn't that or this isn't that, you know, I didn't have the weight that I wanted. But I always had an incredible figure. So it was just, you know, it comes from childhood. If your parents or society makes a comment. We genuinely at a very vulnerable age might internalise that, and then it becomes a bigger thing. And then it becomes a story. It becomes a narrative. That's not true, but we hold on to it until we call it doing the work where you'd learn to change the narrative. And I think, you know, being a therapist, I've done years of stuff around all of this and so on, you know, during my 20s I had an eating disorder for 11 years, which I forgot I even had, but I didn't even think about it. So I was able to reframe that and heal from that and not think like that at all. And, and so I think it's the philosophy of how are we, it's not just how we look at how we live our lives, the relationships we have, whether we have healthy relationships, whether we have long friendships, whether we love the work that we do, whether we make time for movement, taking time to slow down and nurture and cook food, and make food that's good for you. So it's, it's this whole philosophy of, of wellness, I think, without being toxic, the whole toxic wellness, which can go a whole other aggressive way. I think it's slowing down and being really authentic and, and being really attuned to what works for you. And I think so it's all those things. It's not just how you look, but it's how you feed yourself. In all those ways, not just through food.   Excellent. So my last question is, what is your favourite saying about being a woman?   Well, that was such a good question. And I have to say I have a few. So you might want to edit them out. But I had a couple that go that I share with my community, my creative, which is for all women, but I'm always I always say - your story matters. Your story matters. And if no one as a therapist, the one thing that people want and don't have is someone to sit and listen and just be with them and validate them. So that's a really important one that I share with some of my events. And I also love, you know, empowered women empower women, it's very simple. If we are there to hold each other up, not pulling each other down. It's just we can do anything. So there are a couple that I really love for my community and for all women. But here are a couple that I love personally. And here's one-  “If it doesn't bring you energy, inspiration or orgasm, it doesn't belong in your life”. And this is another one. This is from a friend of mine who's an artist and a magenta – “Remember, if you're too much for someone, they're not enough for you”. And then I have this is going to I'm going to end on this one and people can think about it. “And if I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?”   I’ve got goosebumps. Thank you, Anna, thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and such a meaningful conversation. I really enjoyed it and I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day in your photoshoot.   Thank you for what you're doing. You're empowering women with this whole experience. It's really a great honor to be here.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Amy, what age she would like to go back to and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and her body.   10 Facts About Amy (at the time of the project) 51 years old.Amy is from Hong Kong, and she came to Australia when she was 10 years old with her family.She speaks Cantonese, not Mandarin.Amy was educated in Australia. After finishing primary and high school here, she went to UNSW to do her bachelor's and her MBA. She also just got her Doctorate in Business Administration from Geneva Business School.Amy loves ballet. She goes around the world chasing ballet. She’s been to Moscow twice to see the Bolshoi.Amy loves fashion, and she loves sparkles as well. Bling- bling.Amy’s favorite color is pink, the ballerina pink.Amy teaches MBA students. She’s been teaching for 15 years now.Before that Amy was an accountant. She is a CPA and she’s been teaching accounting to undergraduates as well.Amy’s goal for 2024 is that she wants to get on the board career. So, she can teach 50% of the time and then have another 50% of her time dedicated to the board.----more----INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   where a famous politician said to me, Amy, don't ever use the woman's card. And if you're gonna go on board, if you say or why should you be on the board, don't say I'm playing for diversity card. Because I'm a woman, use your ability and use your capability, your credential, your education, your skill to play on a level playing field, you get more respect that way.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the My Body My Story project. And today with us in the studio, Dr. Amy Lee. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, and I'll be asking her a few questions. Hello, Amy. Welcome to the studio. Welcome to the project.   Hi, Alex. Thank you for having me in. Yen. Nice to see that is CEO. And thanks for having me again.   So let's start and let's tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Okay, well to kick it off. I'm 51 years old, and I'm turning 52 in April. So 10 facts. The first fact is that I'm from Hong Kong, and I came to Australia when I was 10 years old with my family a LONG TIME AGO A long time ago. Yeah, so more Aussie, then Chinese. Second fact is that because of my heritage, I speak Cantonese, not Mandarin. And then the third fact is that I was educated here. I did my primary school of rising Charles. And then I did my high school and my sisters have an undersea wattage. Yeah. And then I went to UNSW to do my bachelor as far as my MBA. And then my four fact is then I just got my Doctorate in Business Administration, with Geneva business school over in Geneva and Barcelona. They have a campus in Barcelona and Madrid. The fifth fact is that I just came back from graduating there. So I attended a graduation ceremony at Geneva as well as Barcelona. So the six fact is that I love ballet. I go around the world chasing ballet. I've been to Moscow twice to see the Bolshoi. I saw the Spartacus, Carmen and the Hunchback of Notre DOM. And then the seventh fact is that my favourite colour is pink. The ballerina pink, obviously, yes. And I like sparkle sparkles as well. Bling bling. The eighth fact is that I'm Elektra, doing MBA and teaching MBA students. Some of my students are CEO, academic dean, senior managers. I've been teaching for 15 years now. And before that I was an accountant, which is my ninth fact. And my tenth fact is that my horizon for 2024, my goal is that I want to get on the board career. So I can teach 50% and then have another 50% of my time dedicated to board, like governance and making sure that CEOs are doing what they're supposed to be doing.   Whatever you teach them to do.   Yeah, teaching them Yeah. Teaching them ethics.   So, you are teaching ethics?   yeah. I am teaching them ethics and governance and operational improvement strategies. Yeah. I'm an accountant by trade. That's my base. Yeah. I'm a CPA, so and I've been teaching accounting to undergraduates as well. Yeah.   Yeah. Do you find this job rewarding?   At the beginning, it was hard. It was very hard. You need a lot of patience because you know the work, you know the stuff, but they don't. And you have to keep repeatedly teaching in various way to make sure they understand what you're saying. But after a while, like many years later, we get the hang of it. And then then you know how to return patients into passion? Yeah, an exchange of ideas is gold. Because they have something that you never thought of, because you thought we thought I will know at all. But sometimes they will look at it in a different angle. And they say how me is how about this? Yeah, they were, oh, that's refreshing, so that you learn from them as well, yeah, you learn from them, you get to understand what they saying. And it's humbling to see them improve. That's why I don't like to teach. High, like very intellectual students. I like to teach one that is hardworking, but be dumb. Because they will improve and they will become improve. Yeah, they're happy, I'm super happy. And that's why now that I teach, like very senior managers, I get really excited when some of them become CEO, like break the glass ceiling. Yeah, that's excitement. Because this is finally I'm adding values to the career and, and that they're getting something out of the education.   Great. Okay, so let's move to the ageing and body image questions. And what does ageing means to you to 51?   Well, physically, the body does, does not, it's like an ancient, like, you know, the older you get, the more maintenance you need. And you tend to have, like, you know, in the, when you're younger, or you have maybe a gin GP that looks after your general health. But as you get older, you have specialists, like, you know, for example, I have diabetic, so I have endocrinologist. And then then, of course, I have my GP of 30 years, they look after me, then I have a dentist, I have a whole team of medical professionals that look after me to make sure that I run well. And I think what people have told me when you hit 40, all the symptoms of ageing will start creeping, creeping up. And, and it's true. Like I'm, I'm 50 now, and I'm trying to keep it as really healthy as possible. But you can feel like you know, the metabolism is slow. The like, you know, your more, your immune system may not be as strong as before. And, you know, you guys have to watch what you eat. Your energy level may not be as strong as my other students were much younger and more energetic. So yeah, physically, the signs are there. And you have to take care, greater care by Nonie have a good medical team, but you have to look after yourself really well. But emotionally, it's all depend on how you your approach your attitude. If you're young at heart, then it's always the way to go, I think.   But if you could go back to any age, what age it would be, why, and what advice would you give yourself?   I would, I would go back to age of 30. Like you know, 30 is when you really have made your mark your first mark, because you finish uni you probably have a master on the way to Ghana master. So and then you qualify you got experience. You're in the middle management. And the advice I will give to myself is that is seize opportunities seize every single opportunity that throw at you at 30 Like at 30 I was I gave up I took a gap year. Yeah, I took a gap year so that was a mistake. But I want to see the world. So I took gap me and travel around the world and go to London and lived there for two years. But I guess there's no other time to do it better. I want to do it in my 42 to have a gap year then. But I didn't know it's a trade off because I chose gap year over a curry advancement. So I wonder what will happen if I didn't take that gap year and took a career advancement as a result? Well losing the which one is which was more valuable seeing the world or three in the boardroom?   I think at that time your choice was the best for you. Sometimes I wonder is well, what if but, as they say life doesn't have “what ifs”   Yeah, exactly this opportunity costs. Yeah. But I wonder whether I paid too much on the opportunity costs. Something I'll never know.   I don't think so. Yeah. It's just your path.   yeah.   So let's talk about body image. Yeah. So if your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you or tell you?   It would asked me to try to find ways to increase metabolism is really slow. I don't know when he's got the whole month. I mean, I'm okay with the menopause. It kind of I only have a few months of hot flushes, and that was eat. But no, it lately is very sluggish. No, I don't eat much. But it's still gaining weight. So I know that somewhere there's something wrong strength. Yeah.   Apparently, it's the strength training, which supposed to help? Yeah, women over 45 Pilates.   I'm doing I'm going back to Pilates. And also all the like, you know, bone like knee hips. Yeah, you know, it has to be careful. I mean, I've tried to avoid stairs and try not to damage the body too much.   So what do you think are the main causes of body image issues?   In terms of social media, I think in our age in the 50s, for the 50s, it's okay. But I will be, I feel bad for the teenagers. Nowadays, when social media plays such a big role. And that body image has played such a big role with that, like, I look at my niece, Holly EADS and she's like a stick. And that's the body image in her generation. But in our generation, now, the body image is okay, because we are confident Yeah, we are more confident we are more wise. We've seen it all. And we are more adaptable to our own scheme. Whereas the generation Zed or millennium, they not. They haven't got that. They haven't been traumatised. Yeah. Like us, we've been going through the lifecycle of up and down, up and down, up and down. So even now we're looking at body image, we are more comfortable. So I, I think my 50 was my prime. 30 was my prime 40 was definitely not my prime. But now I'm leaving my prime, because I'm more confident. I leave on my own term. And I leave for my own happiness. So even though it's a sunset kind of stage, but even my career is awesome. So the golden sunset, no audition, it's funny, it's ironic. I designed my career to be a sunset career where I teach and I left my high flying job and I become an entrepreneur I teach and it turned out I earn three times more than when I was a high flying job. Yeah, that's funny how life pans out. You just have to follow your heart follow your passion and things will work out the way you unexpectedly yes surprise so   how do you think the negative body image can affect relationship any any relationship that men woman friendship, whatever   ah, I don't like I don't see it as a problem. Well not I know that my students they all go around chasing ghosts that are pretty and I said looks fade and you know you have to go with someone with a good heart. But they don't they know me they think this is the wrong advice. They all going for the all going for preachiness skinny and all that attract like that kind of body image and the image overall but then if you're looking for older men or you know older partners, when they look for the other partner, they tend to look for the compatibility rather than body image I think age player is advantage to us for me anyway because like now they don't expect me to be like you know flame beautiful and all that well when I look upon on my calendar.   So look, no expectation, no disappointment.   but they will We look for Can I hold a conversation with you? The personalities? Yeah, the person conversation and having said that, like, you know, we prefer your heart, then you know how, I mean, obviously, the only reason that they will be concerned of my weight or my body image is because of my health.   it's bad for your health.   Yeah, but for my students, it's more for show off reason. Yeah, you know, I don't have a pretty go on my arm. So I look good. Yeah.   So how do you overcome your body related insecurities? Where if they come up from time to time, which they will eventually so what's your method to overcome those insecurities?   Oh, I tend to I love fashion. Yeah. And I tend to camouflage I was buying fashion. And I and I always look for, because like, my body is an apple shape. So and it's always heavy in the middle. So it doesn't look good with clothing that is like, you know, a slimming for like, you know, for the rectangular shape. Or the model shirt I could never wear like the model. Yeah, but I usually camouflage it with a lot of colourful prints. And that will kind of like, enhance, or kind of cover my weakness and enhance my strength. That's what I will do to overcome, but I accept it. I accept that my body will never get to be so thick. I accepted that my body can never be like, you know, an hourglass. Never. So I just have to set the body that I met. And yeah, styling like accessory, colouring like, you know, like us, like, you know, with black and I'm contrasted with something else. So the attention is on something else.   Great. Great methods. Yeah. So do you have.. what's your go to methods to bring yourself into shape? And has it change with age? like you said that you thinking about doing Pilates? Yeah. Do you do anything? Or you just don't do anything? You? Well, I am what I am.   Yeah, no. Because I'm diabetic number type two, I have to be careful of my what I eat. And I have a good team of medical professionals. And they all look after me. Yeah. So my endocrinologist give us the very famous or suspect the pen. That to help me reduce weight and to help me reverse my diabetic that help. But at the moment is been on the news is short ish. Yes, you know. And then there's another one, which is even better. And that is sander, no Mandurah. And that is supposed to be even better and even have the track record and redo reversing diabetic. So waiting for the medication to come and they did work. So that's my reliance on it. But no, I didn't we use that for weight loss. I use that for diabetic diabetic. Yeah, but weight loss is a side effect. Yeah. Great. Great side effect.   It just stops once you stop using it.   No, I have stopped using it and is sustained for six months now. Wow. Yeah. Sustained. That's good. Because you got the habit? Yeah, your stomach has actually gone smaller. But what's the practical reasons that make your stomach smaller? They also have another effect of increasing your metabolism. So I know that muscle have recently sluggish due to the hormone.   Oh, that's good. Okay, and my last question, if you have any favourite saying or quote about being a woman,   I don't have an exact quote. But basically, I broke the glass ceiling twice, not once, but twice. And I became director of finance at the age of just under 40. And my advice would be is that when you go out on a level playing field with the men don't play the woman's cart. Never play the woman's car, even though when I went into politics. And when I when people said to me, why are you Why should we endorse you as a candidate? And a very famous politician said to me, Amy, don't ever use the woman's can't. And if you're gonna go on board, the viewers say Why should you be on the board? Don't say I'm playing the diversity card because I'm a woman. Use your ability and use your capability, your credential, your education, your skill. To play on a level playing field, you get more respect that way than saying I'm a woman, I deserve a place.   Interesting. Thank you. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and your wisdom and I hope you will enjoy the photoshoot and the rest of your day. And welcome again to the project.   Thank you I'm honored to be on this for OJ is a very interesting project. And I hope that I get to meet the cohort in the future. Thank you.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Catrina, how she survived domestic violence and sexual abuse as a child, and achieved a lot in her life, regardless of what she’s been told as a child with special needs. We also talk about aging and body image issues in modern society.   10 Facts About Catrina (at the time of the project)   56 years old.Catrina was born in Christchurch, New Zealand, in the spring of 1967 and moved to Australia 20 years agoCatrina’s mother nearly died when giving birth to her. Catrina was born as a child with complex needs and was told, that she would never achieve anything, but she knew deep inside her that she was much more worthy than these professionals were telling her.Catrina grew up in an alcoholic and quite abusive family. When she was 10, her mother left her husband.Also, Catrina is a survivor of sexual abuse twice, once with a family member, and another one with the next-door neighbourCatrina went through some therapy and wrote a list of exactly what she wanted. Anyone who didn't treat her right got red flags. But she met an amazing man, and they’ve been married for 27 years and had two children together – a son and a daughter. They are now 24 and 26.Catrina has written a book, which has been reviewed and hopefully get published. It's called, It's not okay, in the prevention of child sexual abuse. It's an interactive book for children. Also, Catrina is writing another novel now called Broken Sunflowers.Catrina runs 2 businesses. First is Airbnb which is called Serenity On The Bay, because she lives by the beach near Nelson Bay Area. Also, Catrina runs a training business. She trains people to work in community services.Catrina loves to climb mountains. She climbed several peaks, including Meara Peak and Kilimanjaro.When Catrina’s daughter turned 18, they went on a trip and did 18 countries, raising awareness for domestic violence.----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   Yeah, exactly. It's very, very hard. And I know I'm very, I think we know you suddenly have 50 you got, oh, this is what it's all about. This is me, this is what I've been doing. I've been looking for you for a while I lost you when you were a baby. And I found you again. Because I think when you look at a newborn baby that's very authentic.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the My Body My Story project and today with us Katrina in the studio. I'll be asking her a few questions. Hi, Catrina. Welcome to the studio. Welcome to the project. And let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Thank you for having me here today. It's been a pleasure working with you today. I was born in Christchurch in the spring of 1967. And when my mother gave birth to me, she nearly had a death experience. So yeah, so I was lucky. So my mother and basically, they gave you the wrong blood group.   Oh, my God,   here are Yeah, it was quite horrific. And so she nearly died. And my mother was British and my father was English. So what a combination to to England and the Catholic Church, my father was actually had a alcoholic problem. So I grew up in an alcoholic family and quite abusive family and my mother, at the age of 10. Left her husband, which was quite dramatic in those days to not know if we're going to have any food or anything like that it was amazing thing. Also, that there was always lots of problems going on a family and I'm a survivor of sexual abuse twice, one with a family member, and one with the next door neighbour. So at the same time, and I was born with a child with complex needs, so I was told as a child, that I would never achieve anything by how proficient or be anything I suspect I had. And during my time, I've had about nine to 10 I operations couldn't see properly as a child couldn't walk, couldn't read or write properly to later in life, probably to about when I was about 11, or 12. So I had very, very complex needs, I would hit but I would rock as a child. But I knew deep inside me that I was much more worthy than these professions were telling me. So I've gone on to do University gone on to do everything. And and I'm very, very passionate, I suppose that's where my passion comes for human rights and humans, dignity and respect, so much that I don't like seeing any kind of form of abuse. So currently, I now and I'm very, very fortunate. I'm very, very thankful. I went through some therapy and my young age because I was in a domestic violence ended up being in the same cycle. And so I met this amazing man, I wrote a list exactly what I wanted. And anyone who didn't treat me red flags, I went. So I read. And I met this amazing man, and I've been married to him for 27 years. He's still today, when he dates me goes and opens the car door for me. He's a real sweet, and his name's Warwick. He's really lovely. And we had two children together. And I'm very thankful for my for my life. And this is the time where I'm starting to get back. This is the time where I stopped caring about what other people think about me. And I love to face my fears and challenge myself and I love to climb mountains. So anyone who tells me I can't do something, I'll challenge you. challenge me, and I'll do it. Watch me. Watch me grow. Yeah, definitely. So that's probably my detailed clear determination. I'm also a very visual person so I actually visualise myself before I actually get there. So my mind I'm quite strong headed. But I also listen to my instincts and listen to others because everyone I meet has a gift, a message and a lesson to teach me.   So you said you have two children?   Yes. They are adults now. So one's a train driver, oh, he loves it. And the other one is working in IT   How old they are?   So one is nearly going to be 24 and one is 26.   Nice. And so what you said about challenges that people say you cannot do it, what, what is your biggest challenge you complete it and you proud of?   I think probably doing University. Because being dyslexic or having a learning disability and actually writing with a big thing. But I've actually, that other challenge what I've achieved Now, witch, I've actually written one book, which has been reviewed and hopefully get published. It's called, it's not okay, and the prevention of child sexual abuse. So it's an interactive book for children. Because I think you can, you've got two choices in life, the way I see it, you can let your dark thoughts control you. And we all need to have dark moments in order to blossom, and be appreciative. And you can let that identity be you or you can change it you have the power? Who controls your thoughts? I do. I control my own thoughts. People can tell me something, but I actually control my own thoughts.   But how did you reach that conclusion that you need to do this healing process and how old you were when you were   I think at different stages of my life, I've had to do healing, like I've and I think it's finding someone that you really connect with, that you really trust that you can open up to. And it's, you might, and it's not just the therapy you might do with a therapist or psychologist, it's what you do outside, whether you're dealing wanting to do the work. So, and I always had someone who told me write a healing letter, say the healing letter. So I was quite good. I'd write down what I want to say, actually on toilet paper, then use that and flush it and let it go. Because I don't think it needs to define your identity. Yep. I don't think the past the past can teach us something. But it doesn't mean that you who you are. And so I've written also writing another novel at the moment called Broken sunflowers, which is great. And I run two businesses. So I run it Airbnb, as well. Yes. Which is great. We get all these people want different things, but people from different cultures and backgrounds.   It's actually in your house.   Yeah.The back of my house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can come and stay. billion v. And it's called serenity on the bay, because we live by the beach near and Nelson Bay Area, call it which is a beautiful community and loving people. And then I also run a training business. So I train people to work in community services, so the diploma community services, so that can be youth age, domestic violence, job, youth, children, homelessness, every form of community services. So currently, I'm contracted out to an international school at the moment. So I've got a contract for two years with them.   But if someone wants to find you how they can   well, basically, I would probably just be on to Job lines for those. I don't need to I'm being really lucky. I don't need to advertise. Yeah, I love what I do. And I just people just ask me, like this job just came about someone heard about me and ring up about it. Do you want this job? And I went, Yeah, I think always lucky to fall on my feet like that. Because I think I just put out there. I think if you're going to be bitter and grumpy and you're you're going to get bitterness. If you're going to change your mindset and be positive in things that don't even look at it a positive. Look at possibilities. What's the possibility here?   I agree.   Yeah. Yeah. What's the possibility? He knows what's the possibility? I've met you for a reason? What's the possibility? What your we can go? Yeah, yeah. So I think that's probably ah, and to that, and I've travelled lots. So in my 20s, I backpack the world by myself, went to Europe, lots of Europe and then my daughter when she turned 18. We did a trip which was amazing. For three months here and I when at some times we went I've just had enough of you. I love you. When we went off and did our own thing that we did 18 countries.   Oh wow.   Raising awareness for domestic violence. So I raised awareness. I ran around raising awareness and joined all these rubber groups. So I actually had a one page called running for love, because I love to trail run. And it brings me so much to way. And it was looking about how different cultures deal with Divi and the supports and up there as supports. That's interesting, which is very, very interesting because, and Morocco had just been in 2018 had just been realised that domestic violence law was going to pass. So you know, African countries with no can prosecute. And we met amazing young woman who was doing theatre three DVDs. So to prevent domestic violence happening,   you said 18 countries, in Europe?   yep, Europe and Iceland and Morocco with us, do we go? I went to New Zealand. Let's do we go. Yeah. And three months, we just went anywhere that was cheap. We went, we jumped on a plane and went.   So when did you move to Australia? And why did you move?   I moved to Australia 20 years ago. And why did I move here is because my husband got a job. So I've lived in lots of, I've lived in four countries and around the world. And he got offered an employment and I thought, why not? We'll just take it go.   Do you like it here?   Yeah, I do. I think I've found my tribe. Hmm. So I think when you find your tribe, your tribe becomes your sisters. And I think that's the greatest thing about getting that connection is actually finding your tribe. And sometimes it takes a long time to find your tribe. And it can be quite lonely sometimes. And it can be isolated. And it can be coming here to Australia with two young children not knowing anybody. And everybody had their clicky groups was really, really hard. It was trying sometimes.   For me, it's logical that if you go and take your kids to school, then you meet parents, and you get to know each other, or it doesn't work like that?   But sometimes it doesn't work like that, because they've got their own tribes. Okay. So I mean, you know, you find that you're trying to figure out where you belong and where you don't belong. And I think that's sometimes that can be quite, that can be quite hurtful, and quite painful. But I think in the end, you just need to keep trying. Yeah. And your tribe will come to you.   I agree. So what did you do to find when Where did you find it?   So I found my tribe, I suppose that's why branding has been so much to me. It's not about the physical exercise. It's about for that connection. Yeah. And, you know, and finding people with similar minded as me, and who don't want to fit into a certain hole or betray to beat your synth, you know, person, I think the greatest thing you can do for yourself is to be authentic, to be real, and to be honest, and sometimes it's hard.   It's hard to understand what is authentic you?   Exactly. It's very, very hard. And I know, I'm very, I think we know you suddenly had 50. You go, oh, this is what it's all about. Yeah, this is me, this is what I've been doing. I've been looking for you for a while. I lost you when you're a baby. And I found you again. Because I think when you look at a newborn baby, they're very authentic. They're not worried about who's who they are. They just want their basic needs. Yeah,   but okay, you somebody can argue with you. That's why we're not babies. And we more than just basic needs. And that's for me, it's always a question how this transformation happens. And it's the long the psychology question long time ago, started asking that? Is that your genes, or it's your upbringing in the family and society? So basically, it's both   Yeah, I think it's a combination of both. Yeah, I don't think you can do without anyone. But why I'm not saying that the baby but the baby still needs the connection and still needs the luck. That's what I'm saying as you grow and that always and you lose that sometimes.   So moving to the ageing subject, as we have touched it (already), so what does ageing means to you?   Okay, so ageing means to me that I'm very proud my body survived. You know what I mean? I don't see myself as 56 years old. But I certainly did not want to go be like my mother, who was grossly out of weight in and out she and her lifetime had about 45 operations in and out of hospital all the time. So as a child, I know she was going to come home so time. So I didn't want that upbringing for my children. And my father, he died when I was 15. So from cancer, so I saw them ageing. And because I used to work and at the age of 16 work in an aged care facility, I saw people want couldn't even walk. And they were 65-70. And so I decided I didn't want that for me. So I made the choice to, to respect my body. I think that's what it came down to respect my body and feed it in nutrition as well. Yeah. And that includes good old croissant net on the class. I mean, not to be so restricted, because I've got a family member who's got the opposite of what my mother was. And they're anorexic. You know what I mean? So they have an eating disorder, because, and I think it's also dealing with your emotions as they arise and acknowledging them. Yeah, and not hot and not feeding their emotions, like by eating lots of chocolate or by not eating or whatever. That's, and I think that that's how you can just age gracefully. That's what I think. And when I look at a friend of mine, he's 83. And a year ago, he ran 100 km 22 hours on the Blue Mountain, so anything's possible. And it's quite funny because he is. He's a short Italian. So when I run with them, they go, Oh, who's that kid you're running with? So on the young one, and he's on the old girl, and he's the young one. Yeah, so yeah, I think ageing is just you could just gotta go with this stage of life and face will eventually we're going to die. So we might as well just get on and live with it. Yeah.   So what if you could go back to any age what it would be? Why, and what advice would you give yourself at this age?   I think it was 10. When I was being abused, sexually abused by the neighbour next talk, because I was wild enough. I would say learn my book says no, to say no, because that's what we can give the best gift for our children saying no. And that's why if I did that, but then I think that I wouldn't have written the book. So I mean, it goes both ways. I think you just have to accept things in life having a reason with a good or bad or whatever, that just just happens. And it makes who you are today.   So you wouldn't change anything?   No, not really, it really happened for a reason.   So if we talking, if we move to the body image questions. My first question he has, if your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you or tell you at this age   that they say? Yeah, um, you're beautiful. Excellent. Beautiful. I mean, I mean, when I was probably in my 20s, I was the tall skinny one, which can be hard reputation to live up to, you know, to fit on the tall, skinny. And then I had, I had a whole family of tall skinny sisters tall, skinny. So we were the tall skinny sisters. But that's, that's sometimes a harder reputation to live up to. So now, I just think I'm beautiful. And, and just to remind myself that to be kind, kindness is the greatest thing you can do for yourself. So   what do you think are the main causes of body image issues or insecurities?   I think there could be many, many causes. I think of this trauma, being past trauma. The social, it can be a complex issue for each individual. And I don't think you can put it into one little box people say social media. I've heard people say social media social does. But everyone's an individual. So it depends. What how people perceive their body image. Yep. I think it's an individual thing. I mean, we can keep blaming social media, and maybe it does have some influence. But this could be deeper. I think it goes deeper than that. And you really need to get to the core of the problem of why people are having this body image thing and why they need to use fillers and why they used to pump the face up and why we need to produce you know what I mean? I agree. You know, I think there's a lot deeper psychology to this. It's an it's an it's an I can see it as a family member who's dying now, through an eating disorder. You know, it's quite horrific watching someone that you care for dying through an eating disorder. But the whole point is that she hasn't dealt with the emotions. Yeah. So I mean, and there's nothing you can do. with, you know, a family member that's at that stage, there's nothing you can do. So you just have to accept it. That's, and I think sometimes body image for someone who has an eating disorder, or obesity or whatever, it becomes the identity, it becomes so they get some benefit from it. Yeah. So you know, so you have to, what's the benefit? There's got to be something behaviour doesn't happen for a reason. Yeah, that's true. You know, you're getting something back from people going, Oh, you look so sad. Or you could be you know, you could be dying, you know what I mean? So, that's all I'll say.   How do you think it can affect this body image can affect relationship, in what way and I'm talking about all sorts of relationships with women and men.   So, I think if you've got a body image and you and how you're feeling could be, I mean, it's, as I said, it's an individual thing. But I think it puts the person at high risk of a domestic violence situation. And the reason is because their self-esteem could be very, very low. Generally speaking,   how you think it can put them at higher risk?   Because the person obviously doesn't think they're worthy. So if you don't think you're worthy, then you attract people who are going to treat you like you unworthy. If you're not kind to yourself, and you're hard on yourself, you're going to attract people who are going to be hard and critical yourself. So you believe that?   So how do you overcome body related insecurities when they come up? And has it changed with age?   Yeah, it's definitely changed with age. I think the thing is that, as I said, before I write a healing letter if I need to, or write down what it is get it out to the universe and burn it. Or you can write it on paper and let it disappear. Or you could do a pros and cons list. Which mean you'd write the pros or cons of why I'm thinking this challenge the thought. Or you could write yourself a letter and send it in the post. Now who gets a letter in the post these days? Yeah, exactly. I mean, you could write yourself, dear such as such, if it was for you, Alex. Dear Alex, this is how I'm feeling. And you'd look at the letter and go, Why am I thinking hat? Yeah, I mean, this is this is you can challenge that thought. And you get this letter in this post going, Oh, my God, it's a letter. Somebody's writing to this person. Who's this person? Yeah. So I think you can challenge the thoughts. Because as I said before, who creates the thought you? Where does the thought come from? That's the deeper question.   So you said that you run and so you probably it's one of your way to bring yourself into a good body shape do you have any other ways.   Um, I think the thing is that I listened to my body. I've listened to it. So if it's feeling tired, and I can have it rest, I'll go and have a rest. I think it's really important. My stress levels are probably quite low, I would say and I'm very thankful for that. I basically. So I nutrition, the correct way, which is that there's a correct way from my body. That includes eating dark chocolate every day. So having a big hole chocolate bar, or five of them at the same time. I do other go in the water. I love being in the water. I'm not a great swimmer. But I go into the water afterwards the C, which is really, really good. I do strength class twice a week. And I think getting me on track because I'm running an ultra again in February. So we're doing 50 ks and one day   Wow.   Yeah, I've done 100 km before. One day.   Really?   Yeah. Do you do mental? It's just your mental game.   So what do you say to yourself like what I can do it or   this brightness, having a thought? Because then I separate myself from the brain is making that thought happen. So this brain is having a thought because it's just the thought the thought will pass. So I think I've always used exercises that form of but I don't want to get to the point where I'm obsessed with it. Like if I didn't run today, I'd be like yes. And I also have got found a wonderful coach who keeps me on track. So that's where really, really handy. I want to say to her I don't want to try and today I don't feel like she gets good. Yeah, she like she listens to you. It's about listening to your body. So it's   So you have a coach in running?   Yeah, Coach and running, and she does a coach and swimmer. And this you can get coached. It's called Training peaks. So if you look up training peaks, you can find all the different kinds of coaches for running, swimming, cycling, whatever. And yeah, and it's just starting, they do a training programme and they look at your heart rate. They look at your stress levels, they look at everything, and they change the training programme to suit that. And if you're injured, like she, I was rolled my ankle, I'm always rolling my ankles. And so she just changes the training programme for injury. So, but it's quite nice because I did my Garmin the other day said, I was the my fitness age was 20.   And you told me earlier that you feel like you're still 20. It's just aligned with your feel.   Yeah. So I think for me, it's really important being having a certain amount of fitness because then you can go and do something and I love to climb mountains. I've Clent climbed in the last two years, Calum and Jarrah are really Yeah. And Africa went to Africa, Africa. So I ride. If I'm going to do something I don't, I've got to the stage of my life. My husband doesn't want to travel some parts and that's okay, because he had a heart attack about four years ago. So I just organise it myself. And people go, Oh, want to come along. And I said, Well, this is where I'm going. This is what you organise it. I'm not organising people anymore. It's too much cheaper. And so I did Kalam and climbed Kilimanjaro, which was quite amazing. But then I did mera peak, which was 6470, this year, and off to Peru next year, this time next year to climb another seven. So I love being in that meditation state for six hours when you're going to Summit.   My last question is, what is your favourite saying or quote about being a woman?   Okay, I really love Brene Brown, have you heard of Brene? Brown?   No   she's great. I belong to me. And this is true about belonging and who we really are. So it means you don't have to go and fit the hole. Because if you try to fit a mould to what the group wants you then you've lost your true, authentic self. I agree with that. Yeah, the night is beautiful.   Thank you, Catrina. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and for sharing your story. I hope that you enjoyed the day and the photoshoot and thank you again for everything.   Well, thank you so much. It's been a pleasure meeting you and I've learned so much.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Dominique, her life in Australia, and how the 2008 financial crisis and losing everything she had taught her resilience. We also discuss aging and body image issues.   10 Facts About Dominique (at the time of the project) 57 years old.Dominique is from Belgium and her first language is French.Dominique moved to Australia when she was in her 20s after backpacking around the world for about 12 months. She fell in love with Sydney straightaway. So Australia became her home almost 30 years ago.Dominique lived in Drummoyne initially and then she’s moved 14 times in the last 20 years.Dominique has two kids. Laura 25, and Sebastian 23.Dominique met her husband 26 years ago in Sydney, but he's from Belgium as well.Together they opened three Belgian restaurant in Sydney that were very popular.In 2008, during the financial crisis, they lost everything they had built in 20 years – three restaurants, a house, and money - and had to start from scratch in 2012.All these events taught Dominique to be resilient. And that's when she connected with spirituality. She did lots of meditation, yoga, and retreats. That's when she really got to know herself and made her strong. It taught her the real values of life.After leaving her husband a month ago, Dominique is starting from scratch at 57 and thinks it's exciting.----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   I'd like to age gracefully. Like I see some of these, you know, all these full of wrinkles for the strong inside and the inside beauty comes out, you know, and that's how I'd like to be.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the My Body My Story project and today with us Dominique in the studio. And while Nicole is doing her makeup, I'll be asking her a few questions. Hello, Dominique, welcome to the studio. Welcome to the project. And let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Hi, so I am 57 and I'm from Belgium, French speaking, as you can tell, so I moved to Australia when I was in my 20s after backpacking around the world for about 12 months. And I basically fell in love with Sydney straightaway and I wanted to live there. So a year later, I moved to Sydney, I was lucky I was in it and it was easy to get the permanent residency when I moved. So I got a job straightaway and I felt home. So basically, Australia became my home almost 30 years ago.   So where did you move to which city?   I moved to Sydney. And I was in Drummoyne initially and then I've moved 14 times. Oh my in the last 20 years.   Wow. Okay, in 20 years, it's still fine. Yeah, it's still a lot almost every year.   Oh, well, yes. years. You know, when you rent you have to. Usually they kick you out after a year or I just wanted to live somewhere else.   And I know you mentioned earlier you lived in Queensland.   Well, I moved to Queensland just three years ago, after 25 years in Sydney, I wanted a bit more nature and quietness and affordability. So I moved to Queensland with my husband and we also kicked the kids out of the house. And so we're like, let's just get an apartment in Queensland and by the beach. And we did.   How many kids do you have?   So I have two kids. Laura 25, Sebastian 23. And Laura's in Europe at the moment doing ski season and you know, working there and Sebastian finishing his university in Newcastle, so they're everywhere.   So but now we are doing it in Sydney. Have you moved back to Sydney?   Yes, yes. I love Sydney. It's, it's, it's a good city.   Better than Queensland?   No, no, I love Queensland. I love Queensland. I will go back there eventually. But for now, I'm hoping to have a few more years in Sydney and meet new people. No, no, this is like the third stage of my life. And I'm excited to start it all alone. And start from scratch. Basically, you know, I left my husband a month ago, packed the car drove to Sydney, staying with a friend so I have no more husband no has no job. I left my job as well.   So it's like completely starting from the scratch   from scratch at 57 I think it's exciting.   it's very brave.   Yes, yes.   But no regrets.   Nope. No regrets, I'm actually more excited than regretful so   but you mentioned that you start a new job very soon. Are you still in IT or you're doing something else?   I know I'm, I'm still in IT consulting. So I wanted to do I've actually studied to do life coaching. And I want to start my own business at some stage but because I've left my husband I need to still make a bit more money initially to settle down in some way. So I'll go back to IT for a few years and then I'll try and slowly move to something more you know that I love more which is more you know, coaching people training all that aspect of things that I really have to you've got you've got diploma with the for the coaching and they just waiting for this time to start   Okay. Any more facts about yourself?   Oh, well, yes. I mean, I've so I met my husband 26 years ago in Sydney, but he's from Belgium as well. So that was quite funny. Yeah. And he together we open to Belgium V Cafe, they were very popular Belgian restaurant in Sydney, they were three of them at some stage. And it went really well, you know, we had money and build a new house and all this and then the financial crisis happened, you know, in 2008. Something Yeah. And then there was a big scam was the bank, we were within the suddenly asked to reevaluate the pubs and of course, after the GFC, or the value went down, and so basically, they asked us, oh, you have to give us back, you know, a million dollar next week. Oh, which we couldn't do. So, to cut the long story short, we lost the whole the three restaurant, my husband lost his job. And so we had to go bankrupt both of us, which means we lost everything we had built in 20 years, you know, like, the restaurant, the everything, the house, the everything, we had to move the kids from, you know, private school, public school. So we basically had to start from scratch in 2012. From with zero money, basically. And that's where I'm grateful that I always kept my job. And I never stopped working, because it's thanks to that, did I we could survive. And also, it really taught me to be resilient. And that's when I connected with, you know, spirituality, I did lots of meditation, yoga, into retreats. And I, that's when I really got to know myself. And I think it made me strong. You know, this, this is probably the worst time of my life when we lost everything. And it's, but it's been life changing. So, in hindsight, I'm really glad it happened.   So now it's easy for you to start all over again.   Exactly. So no, it's not the first time. It taught me the real values of life, you know that I'm not materialistic at all anymore. It's all about, you know, love, friendship, joy, kindness, all the things and yeah, isn't   it funny that we get to know ourselves? Or get into our spiritual side? Only after we lose something material?   Yes. Or yeah, it's always either you get a disease or you get a financial problem, or you get cancer. That's usually what bring people to realise, like a wake up call life is about right. Yeah.   So if we move to the ageing body image questions, what does ageing means to you at the moment?   Ageing means it's about wisdom. For me, it is when you know, I really, it's about knowing who you are, and owning it. You know, they just don't for me ageing means I'm not taking bullshit anymore. I don't want to be with negative people. I'm more. You know, I just want to be myself. That's what ageing means to me. Now. I'm alive. Now. You know, I'm alive. I don't want to please everyone. I just want to be me and do what I want to do. Yeah.   But if you can go back to any age, or what it would be? Why, and what advice would you give yourself at this age?   Yeah, so I would definitely go back to my childhood. I had the best childhood and I felt, you know, when I was a child, I was super confident, I felt free, loved and loving, and, you know, in in wonder of the world. And so I really missed that time. My parents were teachers. So we would travel every school holiday and go to a different country in Europe. And it was wonderful. It was life was just a big adventure, you know? So that's the time I would go back to   Do you have brother?   Sister   She lives here?   No, she's in Belgium, in Belgium.   Do you go back there?   Yeah, every four years or something like that, but I was trained as home.   So if your body could talk, what do you think it would tell you or ask you?   Well, if it would tell me to accept the wrinkles and the saggy skin and the changes in in it because they are just, you today tell my stories, to be cliche, but it's true. And to keep it going especially so I can enjoy it when I'm 90. You don't want to be that eight year old doing gymnastics and travelling. And yeah, I want to keep doing my yoga till I'm 90. And I don't want to have to stop moving. So I need to look after my body but also accept the changes and go slower as well.   Yeah. So you think that with age, our body changes, and we have to adjust to different pace of life.   We have to go slower, we have to eat better drink less, you know, all that stuff is important. I can't party as long as they used to, that's for sure. No, yeah.   Well, this this time, I think even in the 30s already, you start feeling that you can. So what do you think are the main causes of body image issues?   Are the social media and these female magazine who just focus on youth and beauty in like physical beauty? Right, there's not enough emphasis on spiritual beauty, internal beauty, kindness, you know, all the other beauties in the world. It's, it's very sad. Like I've seen it was my daughter, she's suffered so much, you know, from the social media bullying and the fact they can't escape it. It's always they on their phone, I find it very sad. I see all the young girls and they all they all suffering from it.   So when you were growing up, did you feel this pressure as well from media? Or it was…   No, not at all? Not at all. I was just me. And you know, there was always a bit of TV ads or at the time, yeah, but it was not, not at all the   it didn't affect you, as bad as now generation are affected by social media.   Yes.   So what do you think that the social media just triggers something, but the problem is within and they just pull this trigger? Or you think they create the problem?   I think it's the, the social media and the image that they see all the time, you know, our brain is influenced by what you see all the time. So you want to look like that? And you just focus on look and not? How you feel within?   Yeah. How do you think it can affect a relationship, this negative body image of yourself?   Yeah, it, it really affects relationship? Because how can you know, love someone properly, if you don't love yourself? How can you be vulnerable, you know, when you make love, and you are hiding yourself or thinking, Oh, he is gonna see my butt? You know, things like that. You can't, you can't just be in the moment, right? So it's important to accept how you are and just go for it and be in the moment. But if you can't, you basically not emotionally connecting with your partner. And also it makes you jealous, insecure, controlling, which also can be very damaging to a relationship like I've seen it myself, I had a very jealous husband, because he was insecure. And it just drove me nuts. You know? So yes. Even for men, you know, being insecure is it's not the right thing to be so,   but how do you overcome these body related insecurities when they come up? And has it changed with age?   Yes, I mean, I've, I've focused on my good parts, right? Like, I don't like my leg, for example. And then I focus on I like my, you know, my, my torso, my back my shoulders. So, I wear clothes that highlight my good parts. And I tried to forget about the others that I don't like so much. But then I think at the end, it's about joy. If you feel joyful, if you feel happy, if you have a purpose in life, you don't have time to think about how you're looking your body issues or whatever, you know what I mean? So, but I think with age, you have become most more secure have become more self-confident. And yeah, so I think it's at least when you grow older, you become wiser, hopefully, I mean, some women they do cosmetic surgery and all these things because they don't want to see them themselves ageing, but I'm gonna try not to like gummy No, sometimes I'm like, Oh, these wrinkles, you know, they look terrible or my skin is saggy. And that's not fun to look at, but you can never fix it. Anyway, so you're going to have to age at some stage so we might as well embrace it.   Yeah. So you're, you think that you probably go towards the embracing.   I'd like to age gracefully. Like I see some of these you know, all day these full of wrinkles, but the strong insight and the insight beauty comes out, you know, I'd like to be one To be these women with Botox everywhere, and that looks like they don't look happy and that their strengths don't come out. Yeah,   That's true. So, my last question is, do you have any favourite saying or quote about being a woman?   Yes, I found a quote from Beyonce actually, that said, the most alluring trait that a woman can have is confidence. And I totally agree with that. I think if you're confident people are attracted by you, and you don't need to be pretty, you just need to be confident.   Excellent. Thank you, Dominique, thank you very much for sharing your thoughts. Thank you.   Thank you for the opportunity.   I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day and your photo shoot.   I will. Looking forward to it.   Great, thank you.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Stephanie, what age she would like to go back to, and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body.   10 Facts About Stephanie (at the time of the project): 45 years old.Stephanie was born in Malaysia.She came to Australia when she was 21. During the Olympics year, the year 2000.Stephanie is a single parent. She has one daughter, she's 11.Stephanie is an architect and runs her own design practice called 30axis.Stephanie graduated top of her class, and she got offered a scholarship to finish her degree but didn't want to go to Perth. So, Stephanie gave it to the next person and came to Sydney by herself.In 2008 Stephanie travelled by herself to Europe through about 20 countries for about nine months, connecting with people in each country and staying with complete strangers.Stephanie’s favorite country is France. This year she took her daughter there.Stephanie craves adventures and likes learning about other people, how they live, other cultures, different foods, and different family traditions.Stephanie also reads a lot. On average, she reads about 20 books a year!----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated): Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   I was engaged to be married once a long time ago. But I decided not to. And instead, I packed all my things up and I travel by myself to Europe back in 2008. Yeah, I travelled by myself solo, through about 20 countries for maybe about nine months. And I did all of it through Couchsurfing.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to The My Body My Story project and today with us in the studio, Stephanie. And while Nicole is creating her magic and does makeup and hair for her, I'll be asking her a few questions. Morning, Stephanie, welcome to the studio. Let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   I just turned 45. I was born in Malaysia. And I came to Australia when I was 21.   Oh, wow. Longtime.   Yes. During the Olympics year, the year 2000. I am a single parent, I have one daughter, she's 11. I am an architect. I run my own design practice. The name of my design practice is 30 axis.   What is it again? 30. Axis?   Yep. architectural design practice.   Oh, that's nice. So what do you what do you do usually like What's your main speciality? Or, like, what do you design?   I mainly do residential. A lot of alterations. Sometimes it's a whole knock down and rebuild a new house. Sometimes a lot of people want duplex. So it's kind of a bit of everything. But mainly in the residential area.   Oh, that's interesting. So if someone wants to find you where, where they can, where they can find us, you have a website or Instagram.   I do. So my website is www.30axis.com. And on the there's a portfolio of all my projects. And yeah, if anyone wants an architect, that's where they would find me.   Interesting. So why you decided to become an architect.   Um, I like designing. I originally thought I would do interior design. But the more I thought about it, I decided to do architecture because I could still do Interior Design as an architect, and it's more diverse. And mainly people a lot of people told me I couldn't do it. Because at that time, not many females were in architecture. So I just wanted to be a rebel and prove to people was that couldn't do it that I could do it. Yeah.   Did you study in Australia?   I studied. I started in Malaysia. It was a training programme with Curtin University, which is in Perth. And after a certain stage, the students go to Perth to continue the degree. But I graduated top of my class and I got offered a scholarship to finish my degree but I didn't want to go to Perth. So I gave it to the next person. And I came to Sydney by myself. Hmm, interesting.   So you liked Sydney and Is it your favorite place here in Australia?   I haven't been to Perth, to be honest, I haven't visited all of Australia. But at that time, when I was 21, I thought I wanted something new. And Sydney seemed like the biggest city in Australia with more opportunities. Also, I think I had this vision that I wanted an adventure not together with my other classmates who graduated in Malaysia, because they were all going to Perth. And I just want an adventure on my own.   So you're rebel   I am. And I'll tell you more in a second what why I was a true rebel.   Yeah, please do.   I was engaged to be married once a long time ago. But I decided not to. And instead, I packed all my things up. And I travel by myself to Europe, back in 2008. Yeah, I travelled by myself solo through about 20 countries for maybe about nine months. And I did all of it. Through couchsurfing through sorry, for what through couchsurfing? So connecting with people in each country and staying with complete strangers.   Oh, wow. So how was this experience?   It was very, very, once in a lifetime experience, it was very eye opening.   So which countries have you visited?   I think I started in Dubai, as a transit, my first transit and then from there, I went to Egypt because it was not far away. And I left Egypt to my first European city was Paris, and I only had a ticket to go to Paris, but then it was open ended. To go anywhere else. I want it for the rest of the year. So I travel, probably spent two months in France.   So, you didn't plan. Know where you go. Just you knew that you're going to Paris and then decide there what you want to do next?   Yes, exactly where I wanted to travel, how long I would stay in each place. So, I didn't know where I was going up till until I got somewhere. And then I would typically stay about three, three nights. And then maybe two days before I would decide to the next destination. So, I would just buy tickets along the way, like train or bus and travel through Europe, mostly Western Europe. Yeah, I travelled down and I flew to some places. But altogether, I did it for about nine months. It was six months in Europe, actually.   So how many countries do you have? Have you counted?   I think I did. 20.   Oh, wow. Yeah. And how long it took for you to travel?   Oh, I think it took about six months altogether. Yeah, yeah, only staying a few days in each place.   Which country you were impressed with the most?   The most was France. I stayed there two months. And then I travelled downwards to Spain. I spent about a month there. And then I went to Portugal. And then from Portugal, I think I flew around some of the other countries. But it was kind of all random. Depending on how I felt and how much energy I had at the time, yeah, I will decide what to do and where to go.   So do you would you go to tourist attractions or you try to live life like a local.   Um, it was, it was definitely more like a bit of both because I was couchsurfing with someone local who live there. They will always hang out with me and bring me to all their local like, favourite spots. Yeah. Which is which are usually not tourist places. Yeah, that's which is good. And the nice thing was there were a lot of times bring me to their family like dinners online. Sure.   So you seen the real life.   That's what I wanted. That was the experience. I want it so I got it. Yeah. Cool.   So You said it was 2018? Already you had   sorry. 2008. As I mentioned, as an eight, how was your job? You? Have?   You said you have the daughter?   Yes. My daughter? Yes. She was born in 2012. And yes, you're right. It's 2008. I was 10 years to miss it by 10 years.   So what was your biggest outcome from this trip? Or thought maybe like? Or maybe you learned something. Or just enjoyed life.   I think I Yes, I enjoyed life, I discovered a lot about myself, that I, I crave adventure, and things that are different from what I grew up with. I like learning about other people, and how they live, other cultures, different foods, different family traditions. And I was just really curious that what I was exposed to me that that can't be all what life is about. It has to be more.   So now when you are a parent, and you have a daughter to travel, or you did the big travel, then and so do you travel together with her or you stay in Australia around Australia? I know that there was a COVID and you know, the restrictions and everything.   So the answer is yes. When she was very little, it was very hard. So I stayed mostly here. When she turned six, I started travelling again with her together. And we took her to Qatar to Turkey. We went to recently, we did a big Europe trip in June, July.   This year?   yes. This year, after COVID. I decided to do my big trip since the last because hadn't been back since 2008. And I took her to France. And we went to Amsterdam. We stopped in Lille, which I hadn't been before, even though I've been to Paris before many times. And on the way we went to South Korea as well. So it was a big adventure for us. We spent a month travelling together.   Did you like it?   It was amazing. We both loved it. It was a really good experience.   And it's a good quality time mom and daughter.   Yes, exactly. And I hadn't been there in summer. So my last trip was in winter time. Very different.   That's good. So anything else we have? I don't I didn't count. If we have 10 fights about yourself. Anything else you want? Do you have any pets?   okay. Yes, we do. We have a cat. His name is Frodo. He's kind of a senior cat. No. Senior, he's old old man. He's going to be always going to be 13 years old. So he's an old man cat. And yeah, I've had him since he was a kitten and my daughter and I love him to bits. It's like a family member. My second my first child actually, this child. Yeah. So it was before you do it? Yes, exactly.   Okay. All right. So let's move to so is that is I understand that you have passion for travelling. Yes. Any other passions?   I do read a lot. During COVID, the year that we were locked down, I read 40 books in that year. To me, that's a lot because an average I think on average, I read about 20 books a year. But that that year I read 40 books.   What kind of books you like, like fiction or history or?   I really love autobiographies. And that's, you know, started. I like to read not just anyone's autobiography, but people will find it interesting. I love science fiction and fantasy fiction kind of books. Yeah, so Current and in dystopian kind of story. So that's what I'm reading at the moment.   Interesting. Okay, perfect. So let's move to ageing and body image. Questions. And my question. My next question is, what does ageing mean to you? At this moment of your life,   I'm not really sure. Because sometimes I don't feel like I am ageing. Physically, I feel when I compare pictures of myself from, say, 10 years ago, I don't really see a huge difference. I guess, in terms of life, is when I compare myself to other people, I feel like I'm falling behind. You know, people find buying houses, or they, you know, got married, some people get married, to get divorced and to get married again. And I feel like I'm still in the same place despite ageing. So I kind of feel like, I My body's ageing, but I'm kind of stuck in the same place, I guess.   When you're 35, at the age of 35,   or 25. Even Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly.   So, but if you body could talk, what do you think it would tell you or ask you?   Oh, my body would say thank you for looking after me so well. Think COVID. I know, it was a struggle for a lot of people. But I started exercising a lot. During COVID time,   would you just go to the gym or just heavy lifting or   when we were all stuck at home, we because I couldn't work. I started doing home workouts, because that started kind of being very popular on YouTube during the start of COVID. So, I started doing that. Before that, I would go to the gym just once a week. And when COVID started, I started exercising every day. And that was in 2020. And I guess, after lockdown was finished, I continued because it gave me a sense of purpose every day, even if I wasn't working, or I had not much on that day, doing a workout in the morning. Made me feel like I accomplished something. So as time went by 2023 I started doing strength training. And yeah, I think my body would would say thank you for for for looking after, like weary well, with with exercising.   You if you could go back to any age, what age it would be and why. And also, what advice would you give yourself at that age?   What did I like about myself? At that age?   What if you could go anywhere? Like at any age, where would you go? at what age you would like to go back? And what would you say to yourself at that age? Or maybe advice?   Give advice? I should have prepared for these questions. Anyway. Right philosophical questions. I think I was I will go back to when I was 30. And I was doing my solo travelling trip. I would tell myself to really enjoy it. You know, savour those moments. We don't know what will be in store for us in the next 15 years. Life would be you know a lot of will be very challenging many times and to really be happy at that time.   So let's move to body image. Questions. And my first question here is what do you think are the main causes of body image issues?   Our say social media is a big one. There's so easy to compare yourself to what you see online. And I know a lot of those photos, manufactured, you know, curated. But everyone has the compulsive urge to look and compare and make themselves feel not good enough.   But on the first place, why do you think social media has such a huge influence? Like if we were probably maybe we have some somewhere inside us that social media triggers? Or what do you think about that?   Maybe it's human nature to compare ourselves to society? Yes, or to think? What are we doing? That's different from everyone else?   On how do you think the negative body image can affect the relationship, in what way?   In extremely damaging, destructive ways. I just came out of a relationship, and the other person had terrible body image issues. And it made the relationship deteriorate. Because everything I did was said, somehow triggered that feeling of insecurity. Exactly. And in the end, it didn't work out because that person needed to fix what was inside. And, yeah, interacting with another person intimately just brought out all the negative feelings. So that I can say firsthand, I've experienced it. The negative body image problems,   if you have, from time to time, any insecurities about your body. So how do you overcome them? So what's your go to method? And has it change with age?   I don't think it's changed with with age. My go to methods, I think. I think I tried to escape from it. And maybe that's why I like to travel so much, because it gives my mind something else to do focus on positively instead of focusing on negative things, and I know that travelling and meeting people and seeing new cultures is exciting to me, and it gives me a lot of positive feelings. So at the end of the day, that positive feeling will override any negative feeling. But I will say that I would I never had a negative body image of myself. Not not in a very discipline, not in a destructive way.   Okay, perfect. So your way is not like to switch to something else, which gives you pleasure, but could nice interactions or nice emotions and not to get into the negative thinking about something, which is not your main issue. Is that right?   Yes, correct.   So, we talked about the call you bring yourself when body and shape you said that you do exercise?   Yes.   And my last question is, do you have any favourite saying or court about being a woman? Or maybe your own thought? What is it to be a woman?   There's a quote I've seen online, and that quote is we can do hard things. And I think that's my favourite quote for women is we're strong and we can do hard things.   Thank you, Stephany. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day and your photoshoot.   Thank you Aleks.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more----   This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Meran, what age she would like to go back to and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body.   10 Facts About Meran (at the time of the project) 60 years old.Meran was born and grew up in Sydney Australia. She lived in Sydney most of her life apart from having spent about 10 years up on the Sunshine Coast near Noosa.Meran has done some work in publishing and in television. And somehow, even though she had no training for it, she was working in graphic design at her last job.Meran also studied anthropology, which she absolutely loves.Meran has one son who's now 33 years old.Meran had a leg lengthening surgery at the age of 10. Then after that, they discovered that their original diagnosis was completely wrong. Now Meran’s feet are three sizes different, which is very expensive because she has to buy two pairs of shoes.Meran except life challenges and believes that it is a great way to keep yourself feeling alive and growing.When her son was small, she decided to go and get her motorbike licenceFor her 50th birthday Meran got her first tattooMeran also did a parachute jump. It was a terrifying and wonderful experience at the same time.----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated)   Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   I feel like it's actually broken down a big blockage. Because I actually feel like now I could might be able to enjoy taking pictures of myself.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the My Body My Story project and today with us Meran and I'll be asking her a few questions and let's start. Hi, Meran and welcome to the studio. Welcome to the project and tell us 10 five facts about yourself.   Okay, well, I'm 60 years old. I grew up in Australia. I was born in Sydney. And I've lived in Sydney most of my life apart from having spending about 10 years up on the Sunshine Coast near Noosa.   We're do you like better, which place do like more Sydney or   possibly Sydney Sunshine Coast got a bit. The problem was I was in a relationship that wasn't very good. So that makes a place any place emotional…. But in the past, I've done quite a lot of different things. Most of them were somewhat media related. I've done some work in publishing and in television. And somehow, even though I had no training for it, I wound up working in graphic design in my last job.   That's interesting.   I sort of went from publishing, working on a small magazine where I did a bit of everything. And I've sort of had training in editorial work, but then I worked in a children's book publishing company. And somehow, I was meant to be a production assistant. But I wound up doing all this graphic stuff where I was designing. They did a lot of licenced products, like things for the ABC, the wiggles and play school. And they did all sorts. They used to sell their stuff through the post office actually. And so they had not just books, but they had things like activity books and little children's recipe books, stamp sets. So I ended up having to designing all these random things like designing boxes of dinosaur stickers and stuff to prepare the layout and do all the box design everything which none of which I had any training for.   But probably you have a talent for that.. creative talent   It is probably not my best talent. But that was what I was doing. And then I have then I wound up working on local magazine where I did a lot of everything, but it was mostly graphic design, too. And then I went back to university for a while and studied anthropology, which I absolutely love.   Anthropology. Interesting.   Yes, yes. I actually think wish I'd discovered it much earlier in my life. But then unfortunately, somehow I ended up moving up to Queensland with my now ex husband. And I intended to go back and finish up some of these studies. But everything just got too complicated. And I didn't   sometimes men can be on our way of developing ourselves.   It was not I don't think it was a relationship that we had did a lot for my life in many ways. took more than it gave. Anyhow, so I Being back in Sydney after living up the Sunshine Coast for oh, I also along the way I had. I've got one son who's now 33 years old.   On the way.   Yeah, from a short first marriage. He's really lovely. And so yeah, so I've been married twice. The second marriage was much longer than the first one, but wasn't much better. It was worse probably, anyhow. And along the way, what else along the way? One thing that's domination. My, in some ways been a big issue in my life is that when I was a child, it was discovered that one of my legs was shorter than the other. And back then, the doctor thought that I'd had polio and one leg didn't grow enough. And I ended up having leg lengthening surgery at the age of 10, which was pretty major. So that sort of overshadowed a lot of my teenage years, because I spent a lot of time in plaster, and then I had to wear a leg brace today. And then then after that, they discovered that the original programme, their original diagnosis was completely wrong. And I had a completely different condition, which caused one leg to grow too much corn. That's also meant that I've actually got an ongoing vascular condition in the leg that's bigger. Which also means that my feet are completely different sizes, which is very expensive, because I have to buy two pairs of shoes.   Oh, really.   One, well, one legs much, actually, one legs much. They're pretty much the same length, but my knees are in different places, and one leg is much wider than the other. And my feet are about three sizes different than a little bit. Yeah,   I haven't noticed, I have well,   that's up I've, I've learned to dress in such a way that people tend not to notice. But it's actually something I've always been very self conscious ofand but because of the circulation problems, which are an ongoing thing and never going to get better. That means that these days, I have to have sclerotherapy, treatments and other treatments on my veins every three or four years in one leg to keep it functioning reasonably well. So it's a bit like maintenance. Anyhow. So really, one of the biggest things when I look back in my life is I've had to face a lot of different challenges, there was the physical challenge of my leg problems going through the surgery when I was young and then once I sort of had recovered from that, then they read diagnosed and I had to wear a circulation stocking and so sort of felt like that's part of my life. That's never been okay. And possibly, as a result of all of that, I don't know, I have had struggles over the years, with mental health somewhat with quite a bit of depression. And, but I have learnt that one of the things that I've found is that so I guess I've had challenges, those literal challenges that I've had to overcome. But I've also found that sometimes it's a good way to just to challenge yourself in things that you do and often, often doing the things that give you the greatest that you're most fearful of. Yeah. If you do challenge yourself on those ones, it's often like it benefits you the most. It's a great thing to do. And I think it's a great way to keep yourself sort of feeling alive and growing. And learning. Yeah. So that's an example of a couple of things like that, that I've done over the years is one stage when my son was small, I decided to go and get my motorbike licence. Sort of wedge pensee riding mode, but it was exceptionally difficult for me because I never learned to ride a bicycle when I was young. So Initially, I had no concept of staying upright on two wheels, which made it really really hard and took me an awful long time to get the licence. Because it was difficult for me, but I was pleased when I got it. And even though I don't have a motorbike anymore, I still have my licence because I'm happy. I'm gonna let it go when I work that hard for it.   And maybe one day you will need it again.   Well, I always used to have a fantasy actually of maybe being a sort of wild bike riding granny.   Do you have grandchildren?   No, I'm sure. At least I've got the option of being a mad old lady riding a motorbike. Yeah, needs to be. Yeah, and another one for my 50th birthday. Longer way to getting the tattoo, but another of my greatest fears has always been height, so I'm not good with heights. Anyhow, so for some reason. Some of my friends contributed to a suppressant. But they sort of knew something I'd be thinking about doing, I did attend and parachute jump. Which was just terrifying. But it was wonderful once they pulled the cord and you stop pre fully fracturing yourself back down to the ground, it was like so, but also, that was one of the reasons I decided to do this session is because it's also something out of my comfort zone. And I've never been very comfortable with posing, I have a real mental blockage with even taking selfies of myself.   We're just recording this interview after the photo shoot already.   And I feel like it's actually broken down a big blockage. Because I actually feel like now I could might be able to enjoy taking pictures of myself because   you're really well with the posing, and I really enjoy it and it's very fashioning, you know, stylish posing as well. So I don't know, it's I think it's it just in this example that how we can have this blockage in our brain while we yet we're very good with something and we just tell ourselves that we're not.   Yes. But so. So like I said with other things, challenges I've set for myself, this was another one of the reasons I decided to do it.   So if we move to the ageing subject, and so you said, you said you did things for your 50th birthday. What about your 60th birthday? What do you do for yourself?   I'm actually my 60th birthday is was pretty much non birthday. Okay. My thing to remember? No, because some was about three or four years ago that I separated from my ex husband. And sort of getting through all of that and selling our property up and up on the Sunshine Coast and moving back to Sydney and finding a place for myself and sort of having to start my life completely over again, has been very challenging. And hang out. What was the question? I forgot.   So what did you do? What special did you do for yourself?   So, no, I haven't Oh, no, I lie. I lie. I forgot. I went to Bali, which was somewhere I had never had a particular urge to go, but I needed to go somewhere restorative, and I found this wonderful place called Escape haven in Bali, which is a sort of luxury women's retreat. So it's like a small, small boutique II kind of resort he plays but so new women and not too many, so it's sort of like a small group and you will have nice rooms and they feed you lovely food. It's not. It's healthy, but it's not like a health resort, yet plentiful food. They don't sell alcohol, but if anybody wants to bring along a bottle of wine or a drink, that's not a problem either. And they have all sorts of wonderful activities, and oh, actually, I did do some few. I forgot about this completely funny. I managed while I was there, I managed to go snorkelling with manta rays, which was very exciting. Wow, that was amazing. I jumped out of the boat. We were When I remember jumping out into the ocean, I set my head and water in as a manta ray, like a massive one, like, about 10 feet below me, I was nearly on top it gave me a bit of a start. And I climbed up Mount Petula volcano, which was fairly long hole.   Wow. So through you were what you called hiking as well.   Yes. Which reassured me that my knee, which is a little bit dodgy, one of my knees is still functioning well enough if it got me up that.   Wow, that sounds good. So what does ageing means to you?   I think there's this certain sense of relief in being past some of the past some of the worst challenges in some ways things are still while I still have challenges in my life, the sort of some of the, just the real, getting so most emotionally stressed. And there's more stuff that I've been able to let go. Which I've really appreciated. And now that I've been in my new place for a while, and on my own, I actually quite, quite enjoying it don't even feel as lonely as I did when I first moved in. Oh, that's the thing I forgot to mention. I've got two little dogs.   What's the breed   that miniature Schnoodles? No, that must be might be part of the point of the reason. So don't feel so lonely. Yeah. I just started with one. And then I got another exciting five months old. So she's a bit of a challenge at the moment. But they're lots of fun. They're very sweet.   So but if you could go back in any age, what it would be? And why, and what advice would you give yourself at this age?   Okay. When I thought about that one, I thought to myself, I don't really think there is any age that I would want to go back to. I really don't. I've met a lot of people who say they had wonderful time at school and wish they could go back to this or that. But I don't think there's ever been much I've wished I could go back to you enjoying your age.   The one while I do have one, one little memory of when I was young waking up one morning and just feeling this pure joy of being alive. And I was so excited because the sun was shining. And I rushed to the back door. And I could see that two drops on the grass. And, and it was just this feeling of just really simple joy in the aliveness of everything. That's the only moment that I could remember, I would ever want to go back to but it's sort of like a feeling I've always I've been trying to recapture it and slowly feel like I'm getting back towards recapturing some of that. It's sort of a bit like going full circle and re finding or re establishing the sort of playfulness and that you have of a child, which it's not so heavy and weighted with all the stuff of life, then you can more easily be a part of life and enjoy things. And I think that's something that does change for a lot of people with age.   Yeah, I think so   you see people, you know, fall pit, I believe in an over 55 complex when they have their Christmas party, I don't go to a lot of things, but they have a Christmas party each year with a live band. And that's always lots of fun, because all these old people from you know, 55 up to quite elderly, some of them are in their 90s Get up and dance. And even if they're a bit creaky and they're all just to have dancing, because they're fun of it. And it's so different when you're younger, and you're out somewhere and people are dancing, but they're all sort of It's a performance, they're looking at each other, they're at meet people, things like that. Yeah. Just good. I appreciate that. That when people are that bit older, that they are more able to sometimes to be in the moment and to be a bit more honest, I think. Yeah,   I agree. Yeah. Like you think why worry about past? It's already gone. And why worry about future? It's not there yet. So just enjoy the moment here and now.   Yes.   So if we move to body image questions, and I know that it's you can relate to that subject and you said already your story about but what do you think? Okay, I'll ask the question first, if your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you to tell you?   When I thought about that word last night, I thought I'd wreck my body and turn around and say, Why did you? Why was it so hard on me your lease? Yes. Yeah. Can't you just be a little nicer, just to be a little gentler on me? And maybe a bit more consistent?   To your body wanted more acceptance?   For certain more acceptance and more love?   Yes, yeah. But what do you think the main causes of body image issues that people have? Well, apart from Objective things, yeah, like, like something is not working in your body. But still, like you said, you always felt comfortable, why people would react differently on you, or you think it was just inside   For me, it came from a lot of different things. And obviously, these days, people talk a lot more about the influence of things like social media, which has a lot of impact. But But back when I was growing up, I think there was a I did I, my parents, I did get a lot of sort of senses from my family. Little little comments that would be critical here and there, which were very damaging to me. My father in particular. He's, I think he thought he was being kind. But because he was very aware of the problems I'd had with my legs. He actually took me inside when I was about, I don't know, 14, sometime in my teens. Right. Right, when you're at that most least confident. And he took me aside and he said to me, I hope you've realised that men will find your legs unattractive. Why did he do? And I've, I always wondered, my mother has said to me, since that he was protecting me. He was being thought he was protecting me, somehow, but it was very hurtful. And it's been, I've been through, done a lot of therapy. It's still one phrase, except one phrase. And that always still rings there. And I mean, he must have had some bit of an obsession on some level, I think, because he, he also he used to tell his story about how when he first met my mother, or one of his early dates, he made sure to take her swimming so that he could check out her body and make sure everything was nicely symmetrical.   Gosh,that was so…   So that sort of left me with a feeling for many, many years, that that just this idea that that somehow there was something wrong with me, and it would, would scar me, particularly when it came to the opposite sex. So that's been so often there are things like that within families, or that's the weight. I wasn't really overweight for many years, but particularly my team's probably as a result of spending all the time in traction and hospitals and not being able to do any exercise. And, and my father also used to criticise me for that he wants. They used to offer me money if I could lose weight, nor certain amounts of weight. And so it was always there were always conditions. The body had a lot of conditions. And   so you think that you're in your particular case, it's it was to do with the family?   In my case, there was lot to do with the family and yeah, as well as our physical school. School I will I can say, apparently, I was a very, very highly sensitive child. So I was He's, but I sort of remember being teased early on when I first discovered the difference between my legs because for a while I had to wear a shoe with a raise on it once you had raised on it, and I remember being teased that and then afterwards, I remember when I first went to high school, and change to a new school, and I was on crutches and all the girls thought it was very exciting. Everybody thought that was great. And so the first day, they wanted to come up and use my crutches and then once they had to go and my crutches, because I couldn't play games with them and everything they didn't want anything to do with me. So I became one of those kids that sits in a corner of playground and just reads a book.   which is useful   It is useful, it's very useful. I've extremely well read scripts.   So there was family? There were other social things, little comments, like, again, at school, there was one stage where I was wearing a circulation stocking and a teacher came up behind me and said, Oh, what's that on your leg?   So it seems like in your story, kids were more kind than adults?   Somewhat. But yeah, there was. But definitely there was big family. Yeah, family thing that went on. And I think often, often, it's a combination of things within families and schooling, all the people you surrounded with when you growing up that start those things. Yeah. And, and then often, especially in teenagehood, as well, often if you're not quite built, like the other girls, or whatever, and you see all of them wearing certain kinds of things. But you can't quite wear the same things that just yeah, just people like to it's that sort of age where people always want to look and feel this.   How do you believe that negative body image can affect a relationship? You touch on that a bit? Like do you think it's, it's caused problems in your relationship?     It definitely affected my real relationship. However, I think it was more the effect that it had on me, which created a real load of negative self worth, that it was that sort of sense of self worth that had more of an impact on the relationship. But interestingly, in my ex husband, we were married for 20 years. And I didn't find out until after we had split up how insecure he had been about his body. I had absolutely no idea to what extent and I thought, it's amazing that you can be with somebody for so long. And people just hide these things way because they are sort of scarring. And people as often. They're the things that people feel uncomfortable to admit to. And it does cause them to withdraw in relationships because they can't be fully open and honest. And I think both of us had a lot of that where we really weren't quite fully present to didn't discuss that it wasn't kind of common thing to discuss, the sort of did but sometimes in relationships, you think you're talking about things, but there's levels and levels, and often people still keep certain stuff deeper down. And until they feel like it doesn't really matter anymore. There's certain things they can be unwilling to admit.   When do you think it's the time usually when they think it doesn't matter with age?   I think it certainly with age makes a big difference. But also, for instance, with my ex husband certain things he wouldn't have ever told me unless the relationship was completely over and done with and he thought we'd both moved on. So only then could he say admit to certain things.   After your relationship finish,   yeah. But if they put in any hope of anything he probably never would have so so toes, you know. So body image is just so tied in with the sense of security. And it's very hard to have a full, really secure relationship if people can't at least even if they've got insecurities about their body to be able to. It's about being baring yourself, but Metaphorically speaking, yeah, as well as literally,   I agree with you. That's an interesting thought. So how did you overcome this insecurities when they come up when you were younger? And how do you do it? Now? What's the difference?   Well, when I was younger, often I just used to withdraw from things I wouldn't take part in certain sports or activities, because I felt that I couldn't. I wasn't able to, to move in the way the other girls moved or certain things as a result, my surgery broke   during the photo shoot, you moved really well.   Well, the bizarre thing was I was always hyper flexible. Sometimes I've wondered if the doctor put one of my legs back the wrong way because it was extra extra flexible. But also, also, I did did find after, during my teens, when I was, I was the doctors were insisting I wore this horrible circulation compression stocking that used to that was ugly as some very uncomfortable, I ended up reaching a point and I took up swimming and I used to go swimming every day started off. Not although it's a decent swimmer, when I started, I used to find it in an effort to swim five laps of an Olympic swimming pool. But past a certain point, I just got into a routine I pretty much used to go every day for many, many, many, many years. Largely because I felt that it would help my circulation. So that's an I guess over the years, I've learned a lot about health, Diet, Fitness, all sorts of things, anything that can help improve things rather than worse. And so I've tried to implement those things. And even though now I still have compression, or compression stockings, I I tend to only wear it when I really feel like I have to a nice helps to do it with other things. I'll make sure when I can I keep my legs elevated, because otherwise it tends to swell. But also but it sort of when I was younger, every time I meet somebody, I'd always that'd be the first thing I'd talk about. As if I had to make excuses for myself because I assumed that that it would be something about my body that was gonna be a problem. And these days, I think much less about it. I yeah, I just don't think too much about it. But also over the years I've I've gotten used to different certain ways of dressing little tricks and things that I use, which help to just divert attention, I guess. And focus on the bit of features of my body. Now because I've got really long legs, I ended up turned out I ended up with a bone essential so so I've got extra long legs so so that I can highlight that by wearing leggings. Yeah, it could have been a model. So things I've found. I've found some time since summer. Even if you particularly if my legs getting a bit swollen or it's not looking so good, or I have to wear my stocking often. It'd be a really good luck. I can wear a really cool summer dress with a say a pair of cowboy boots which hides the stalking if I'm wearing it or if my ankles getting puffy at least it's not so much on show. Yeah.   So you have tricks.   I have lots of little tricks. I've built up a big repertoire of tricks over the years yeah,   it just that's why you're so creative.   So yeah, you have to be creative with problem solving, but at work, of course, what I've learned over the years is by and large, people don't notice. People don't tip people don't walk up to you and look for hone in on a certain feature. Oh, my God, look at those legs, one legs thicker than the other. I mean, they might have I walked around with a miniskirt. And I didn't know that was putting everything on show. But we're or if I did what I used to do, which was tell everybody, but if you're just by and large, people just don't notice half the things that I think that's the thing that happens with ageing to start realising that. Hell a lot of the stuff you focus on, you're looking in the mirror and you see, oh, oh, no, there's a blackhead there, oh, there's this, there's that or I'm looking a bit bloated to death. Most of this stuff people don't notice.   I think people are worried about themselves and not how somebody else looks and they may not even, you know, notice the obvious things.   Because then as people get older, you realise that that fort is beautiful and attractive in people of whatever sex is usual, has a lot more to do with what's inside. Yes, I have an aunt who recently died. And I visited her a couple of weeks before, before she just before her death. And she had been ill for some time. And she was she was still being cared for at home by her daughter and granddaughter. And she was bed bound. And she sort of kept dozing off and things. But she was lucky that she hadn't had any dementia, even though she's been quite ill. But there was something about her and I went in, and she just looked at me and smiled. And I thought she looks more beautiful now than she ever has it despite the fact that she was all and those changes because it was the person that she was she was a really lovely person who just loved people, yeah, cared for people and she was joy send a very positive person. And it was like, it was genuinely like, the beauty of her soul was becoming stronger. As her body became weaker. Yeah. And I've only seen that on occasions. But when you do really see it, it's, it's so striking. And I sort of think on the whole, as we become older that you start recognising, or being a little more attuned to those sorts of things and looking for those qualities in other people rather than and appreciating them far more than anything to do with literal body image or, yeah,   I think so. Or the close people. Like your son, or your parents, they don't care how you look. They just want you to be next to them. Just to give you love and to receive love. And I think it's nothing to do with the body image as well. And with age, what I understand that we really should care about our family, and they care about us more than anybody else. So why would you worry what others think about you?   Yes   What is your way to bring yourself back to shape? Like if we feel low, or you feel like here and there a couple of kilos or you know, in the event, but whatever, whatever   I will tell you, I used to worry about those things a lot more in the past than I did now. Yeah. And in fact, over the years, I pretty much discovered that, that for instance, the more I tried, tried to lose weight in the past, the harder it became and generally when I've lost weight and being a good weight is when I stopped paying any attention to anything and I'm happy and saying which You know, I do like to eat relatively healthy food and I know what good meals constitute in. So I have had times where I've realised that I needed to focus on eating better and things like that. Found again, as I've become older, it's become more like I need to focus on the quality of my meals for nutritional purposes rather than anything to do with body image. Yeah. Because I've kept pixel up more difference. And I've also over the years I have, I have done a lot of different types of exercise to help myself I did find that over the years although I swam for many years that didn't seem to, I enjoyed it, but didn't seem to do a lot as far as toning the body or anything. I did find Pilates terribly effective when I did Pilates for many, many years, but not the sort of fitness Pilates that they have. Now I used to do it at a clinical Pilates sort of physiotherapist place with the reformer in a trapeze table and things are very popular. And after I did that for probably, least 10 years or something a long time and, and I wasn't paying much attention in particular to what I was eating back then. But obviously, my body shape changed so much. And I didn't even notice it was so gradual. Because I remember one day going somewhere and a friend said, Okay, your arms that's so toned. And I've got this amazing shape. I like oh, okay, no, no, just unfortunately, that's one of the things I have noticed in recent years, though, is that, especially between about for me, say the last couple of years, just getting towards 6050 probably been in the last two years that I've noticed that a lot of my skin, especially on my body, especially with like upper arms and things like that seems to have gone a bit slow, all of a sudden. And there's only so much you can do for that exercise. Which is a bit sad. But I still try and I still try and do. And I've changed the sort of exercises I'm doing at the moment I'm doing bone dense especial bone density weight training programme, twice a week, which is meant to be very effective. Because I my bone density is bit borderline. And so that's good. And I'm also going to be restarting some swimming shortly because I recently signed up for can to a charity that raises money for cancer, but they have different. They have all these training programmes that you can join. And the quality of the training is amazing. And apparently it's really good way to meet people and make friends as well as getting fit you. And part of doing it is you need to raise money for cancer as well. Yeah. Anyhow, so I've signed up for one of these, which is going to be a totally new experience for me. So a programme begins very shortly. early November, which means so have training every once a week in swimming pool and once a week in the ocean because it's training for a one kilometre ocean swim.   Wow. So that will be exciting.   I have done some ocean swimming. But I after living in Queensland, I've got to put in a bit wimpy about getting into the cold water. So I figured I'd need to restart in summer. And then maybe I can keep going. But oh, you can use Claremore? Well, yes, that's another good option. I find these days to now I've needed to just slightly change the sort of exercise I'm doing as well. So diet, some of which is do you get do get little, I have little things like I've got a bit of osteo arthritis in my knee, which is supposed to need knee replacement at some point, but it's keeping on going. And I also have caught it detach bicep tendon in my right arm, which only happened a year or so ago, which is a bit unfortunate because once it detaches, there's nothing you can do and it falls down in your arm and you get a lump.   Oh, gosh. So you're like deteriorating?   That was a bit discouraging, but that seems to be doing okay, because I left off doing some of the things I liked for some time when it was really bad, but one of which was kayaking. But when I was in Bali, I went kayaking and team to be fun. So I just like walking up the mountain. So I concluded that I better just get back to exercise and I'll just pretend everything's fine until it's not. Yeah,   So okay, so my last question, and what is your favourite quote, or maybe saying about being a woman?   Well, I, I am particularly fond of this particular one by Maya Angelou which says, it speaks to me because I've always enjoyed reinventing myself in life every time. You know, you're going through phases, and there's always challenges and you learn. She says, Each of us has that, right, that possibility to invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent herself, she will be invented. I thought that was really important. So to be bodacious enough to invent ourselves is wise. Excellent. And I think that really speaks to women because that's pretty common thing that women are more likely to be invented, not shaped by things around them. Then men on the whole, so I think that's really, really important one and that's probably the biggest thing I've been doing in the last couple of years to after so many years, marriage is just reinventing myself and rediscovering myself.   Excellent. Thank you, Meran. And thank you very much for such a great conversation and sharing your story. And I hope it will inspire someone. So if it as they say, if you could do it, anyone can do it. Exactly.   Yes. That Well, thank you very much, Alexandra. It's been fabulous day. Thank you.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Susan, what age she would like to go back to, and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body. ----more---- 10 Facts About Susan (at the time of the project) 56 years old.Susan was born and raised in Timaru, New Zealand.She moved over to Australia in 2014, to be close to her sister who lives in Sydney, and her brother, who's now in Perth.Susan has two adult children, a son who is 30 and a daughter who is 27. And she has a four-year-old grandchild. They still live in New Zealand.Susan was married at 22 and for 20 years. Her ex-husband worked for a bank and they went to Papua New Guinea for five years. So they lived an expat life there. Then they went to the Solomon Islands for three years. And then they came back to New Zealand.Susan traveled quite a bit. Her favourite place so far, is Santorini.I have a cat called Archie. That's a British blue cat. And he's very fat.Susan just loves being active and going to the beach. She loves reformer Pilates.Susan doesn't rush through life, but she definitely has always been a forward-thinking person.Susan is working at Redlands School. She is now PA to the head of secondary school, and she also manages the Student Services Centre. And that feels like a family to me. So that's what I really love about working at the school.----more----INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   And um, you know, I do wear makeup to make my face look better. I do get my hair coloured so that I look better. You know, I moisturize. I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman doing any of those things. And we've got all these things available to us now. And if it makes you feel better, I'm all for it.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the My Body My Story project. And today with us in the studio, Susan. And I'll be asking her a few questions. Hi, Susan. Welcome to the studio.   Thank you. It's lovely to be here.   And let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Okay, I'm 56 years old. I was born and raised in Timaru, New Zealand. I moved over to Australia in 2014, to be close to my sister who lives in Sydney and my brother, who's now in Perth. I have two adult children, their boy that's 30 and a daughter that's 27. And I have a four year old grandchild. And it's actually his birthday today, which is quite exciting to be doing this on his birthday. They do still live in New Zealand. I sort of left because they were older and they were doing their own thing. And I'd been in Christchurch all through the earthquake. And that was quite challenging. And it's cold and it wasn't my home anyway, and I really don't have any other family there except my two children. And my daughter had moved to Auckland to swim because she was quite a good swimmer in New Zealand. So I just took the opportunity to come over here. I never had a backup plan. I sold everything and just came over. And I've been lucky,   very brave.   Yeah, didn't have a job or anything. So I came over here, I had friends because you have friends everywhere, you know. And they helped me my sister helped me and then I ended up buying a little place and Dee-Why living by the beach and everyday is feels like a holiday to me living here. It's beautiful. And then I got a job working at Redlands school and comon. And that's been a wonderful experience for me. I just absolutely love my job. I'm now PA to the head of secondary school and I also manage the Student Services Centre. And that feels like a family to me. So that's what I really love about working at the school.   What did you do in New Zealand?   In New Zealand I was when I left school, I started in the accountants office and then I went into insurance.   So the office work   the office work generally, I was married at 22. I had my first child when I was 26. My second when I was 28. But me and I'm since divorced. I was married for 20 years. But me and my ex husband, he worked for a bank and we went to Papua New Guinea for five years. So we lived an expat life there. And then went to Solomon Islands for three years. And then we came back to New Zealand.   So you travelled quite a lot.   I did travel quite a bit. And I have since travelled a little bit. I've been to Europe and I took my daughter to Croatia and Greece, Ireland, the Greek islands back in 2017 when I was 15, and she was 21. I love travelling want to do more travelling,   but what's your favourite place?   Oh, favourite place so far, I'd have to say was Santorini I don't know in Greece, it was just so beautiful. Beautiful, but I loved Croatia that that was amazing. I'd like to sail it next time because we did a land trip but yeah, there's so much more to see. I mean I love Venus too but it was quite overcrowded but you can see   I was there twice and I wasn't that lucky I didn't like it much.   Which one was that?   Venice. I've been there twice. Probably one time I was in May and the second time it was February. Yeah, and for some reason this water in channels smells   look, it's probably not my favourite place but it's just interesting that that city is, interesting place. But then all Europe's quite interesting when you come from an island like New Zealand.   I love Rome.   So that's my favourite haven't been looked at Santorini though Yeah, okay. Santorini is beautiful, because really other effects that I had here. Oh, I have a cat called Archie. That's a British blue cat. And he's very fat. To try to get rid of him once but have settled down there is a beautiful cat. And yeah, I just love being active. I guess I love being outside. I love going to the beach. And right at the moment, I'm writing to reformer Pilates. So love to do something like that. Yeah. It's so it's it really does help your body to feel much. Yes. stronger, stronger.   Yeah, I don't know, for some reason you do exercise. You get tired, but the next day, you feel like, wow,   I know. It's amazing. 45 minutes, that can be tough. But then like you said, recovery is great. Yeah, yeah, it's and I think it's really important, especially when we get in our 50s or 40s 56, whatever, to do weight bearing exercises. Yeah.   So you just do Pilates? You don't do any way.   Oh, no. Sometimes I try and do a strength session, but I prefer the running around too much.   Okay, so let's move to ageing and body image questions. And my first question here, What does ageing means to you at this point of your life.   So at this point, I really try not to dwell on Ageing, I really try not to, because I still feel the same inside, even though my body's ageing around me. And I know that now I finally realised in the last few years that I need to look after my body more, I think when I was younger, I probably didn't treat it as preciously, as I should have, you know, you eat bad, you go out you drink. You have late nights, you know, you really, really do push your body to the limit when you're younger. But as I've got older, I realised that I do have to nourish my body from the inside for it to look better on the outside. And I do need to exercise and I need to check myself a bit more. So that's why I started going to the gym and why I tried to try to think that I've got to eat healthy and do more healthier things. That doesn't mean to say I still don't go out and like a drink. Yeah, I do. But yeah, I just think I need You need to be kinder. And yeah, I don't like the ageing process. Because it makes you realise that, you know, you just years are ticking by and even now and again. I remember my daughter, the last time I saw her last couple of times, she took my hands and she said, Oh Ma'am, your hands are getting so old. And I'm like, Oh, shut up. But it does you realise that your skin is ageing, but you can't do anything about it. So I yeah, just don't worry. I just kind of think I've just got to do the right thing be healthy, enjoy my life. And live it to the fullest. Yeah, I think that's what you need to do.   So but if you could go back to any age, what age it would be? Why, and what advice would you give yourself?   I had trouble answering this question. Because all ages mean something a little bit differently. I put my early 20s Only because I realised that I was so self conscious in my 20s. I went down a path, I guess that I thought was expected of me. I've I feel now that you know being in your 20s and the 80s didn't have as much probably is opportunity as kids in their 20s have now. I think I tried to rush my life a little bit, you know, make this you know, and I'd go back and say you don't have to make the decision that's going to define you now you can do I'll explore a lot of different options. You can be kinder to yourself, you can you know, all that sort of stuff. I mean, I didn't appreciate the firmness of my body and my 20s Probably I was a bit chunkier at times in my 20s I ended up having my kids in my 20s Yeah, I guess I'll just say take more opportunities, you know, think a little bit more before you rush into things like that.   This phrase talks to me now. Yeah, you said that it's like a sign from universe like you don't need to rush to define yourself even at this age. No, no. So at any age, you probably go one step at a time. What is comfortable for you now at an it may change with like in one year or two or three?   That's right. That's exactly right. And I think that you can't let people try to influence you. I think we were brought up especially in my era to look, you know for advice from others and sometimes that would be would trample down what you really wanted to do, because someone else's opinion mattered. But at the end of the day, you're the most important person in your life, your opinion of yourself matters. And if you want to shine, you've got to, you know, be brave enough to follow what you want to do. Not saying I regret anything that I've done, I don't think that I was ever coerced and not doing what I ended up doing. But um, maybe it's just the time that we were in, I think there's more opportunity now. But now as an adult now, as at this, even at this age, this is why I decided to do this because this is something different for me. I just want to challenge my to keep challenging myself and just making sure those you know, have a good time and enjoy. I truly believe anyone challenge myself to enjoy life. Yeah, I know. Well, though, I think this is the only life you get. So you want to make sure to   So if your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you to tell you at this momen?   that isn't I think it would tell me to rest a bit more to be but to eat. You know better every now and again. I'm I love chocolate, and I love sweet foods. And sometimes I can, you know, not something I'll have a couple more drinks than I should have or whatever. But I think it would tell me to just rest and take my time a bit more not rush around. Yeah.   To get your body time to recover.   That's right. That's right. know that's that's about it. Really. I didn't I did. I don't know what else it would tell me. Maybe do my pelvic floor exercise was probably. But apart from that, that's all good.   So what do you think are the main causes of body image issues for any age?   I think nowadays, social media for sure. But when I look back, we had Body Image, Image problems. Back in the 60s 70s 80s, not when I grew up. I mean, I think most of girls that I went to school with, you know, anorexia was around bulimia was around. When I look back at them, supermodels of that age, they were all really thin, you know Kate Moss, and all the magazines if you wanted to be pretty, he had to be thin. That's that's the messaging that I got when I was younger. I wasn't I was actually quite a big chunky girl when I was in high school and have always struggled to maintain my weight. That year, definitely. I social media and also, because I actually think it's not really a boy thing because most men look at women as a package anyway, they don't really focus. It's a woman who actually creating these body images more. Sometimes I think we're so hard on ourselves, and we can be really critical of other woman whereas I think we have to change that mindset and be a lot kinder. Everyone's different, everyone's a different shape. And also that like the the advertising in the movie industry has changed, I think a little bit more. Whereas when I was younger, I mean Brooke Shields you just had to be beautiful. Otherwise you weren't considered anything really? Yeah, so I think social media, movies, TV, but I think it is changing which is great. Slowly, slowly.   Sometimes it goes the opposite way too much like this body positive moment. Which I like the idea but I think it's getting twisted.   Yeah, I guess like everything. Yeah, like everything.   Sometimes I feel they're letting themselves go. Just by this. Yeah, well, I'm body positive. Yeah,   you're on it if I see that actually. And I mean, I think it's brave for women to wear whatever they want to wear. But you know, because you can look beautiful, whatever shape you are, but sometimes the clothing is just not suitable for that body shape. So I mean, you still want to look nice, whatever shape you are and that that's everyone's prerogative to choose what they want to wear. But sometimes I see people wearing stuff and I think gosh, and if you're brave or you just haven't, it just doesn't look nice.   So those are two purposes of wearing clothes. The first is to get yourself comfortable like if it's cold to make you warm if it's like you do a sport day make your movements easier. Another purpose of the clothes is to make you look better. Yes, when you want to dress up and look glamorous. In that case, you have to choose something which really makes you emphasizes these points.   Yeah, but then You know, everyone has a different idea what is good.   Do you think it can affect relationships? this negative body image? And how? And I'm talking about all sorts of relationship?   Oh, definitely. Because I think if you don't feel good about yourself and the body that you're in, you're not going to attract the right people. Yeah. So I've seen, you know, in romantic relationships, I've seen woman who perhaps haven't felt good about themselves, no matter what shape they are, they attract a guy that, you know, sometimes isn't the right one for them. So that can be awful. Because they just feel that, oh, I'll just put up with that. Because I'm not going to get anything better. Because look at me. And that's, you know, that's really sad. I think and it can affect how you work. He feel good about yourself, how you greet people, you know, if you're really, there's all different streams of how people feel. I mean, sometimes I don't feel great if I put on a few kgs and a feeling but you know, and I go to put a pair of pants on and a bit tight. So then next month, you just focus on the roll going on the jeans, you think I don't look good. Everyone's gonna notice. People actually generally don't notice this stuff. Right? It's all in their head. Right?   So, but yeah, oh, you overcome this body insecurities when they come up. Like you say,   Well, for me these days, I try to focus myself on being fit and healthy. So I don't actually try to focus too much on the fact that my bummers and my bums flat so I look at I was at parties this morning. And it was a gorgeous young girl next to me who had the most amazing figure with that lovely booty that all these young girls have, and I never had that. I've got, you know, wide flat bum really. And so I don't, I think with age, you can just blow it off a bit more, I think. And if I start to put on weight, I try to be a bit stricter with myself. I try to eat healthy. It's not so much really, I don't really call it a diet anymore. Because I think you know, I've gone past that but I think it's I know that if I eat good food if I eat vegetables if I eat fruit if I don't eat a lot of fried food and that my when my weight will stay down. And that's why I'm doing the pilates and going to the gym. And you know, yes, I do pop a little bit of Botox on my forehead because that makes me feel good. It takes away the lines so um, you know, I do wear makeup to make my face look better. I do get my hair coloured so that I look better. You know, I moisturise I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman doing any of those things. And we've got all these things available to us now. And if it makes you feel better, I'm all for it. So it's everyone's own take on how much they do have all that, you know, cosmetic surgery or whatever. But oh gosh, you do it for yourself or for yourself, not for someone else. I look in the mirror and I want to like what I see I don't you know in that hopefully attracts other people, the same mindset. Things just got to be kind to yourself. Yeah, as you especially as you get older, but even as a young person, I wasn't kind enough to myself as a young person. I think I was quite critical of how I looked. And   so what did you do when the when you were young if you had this body insecurities?   Well, I guess I just wasn't as I has always been a bit funny and humorous. And I think I just kind of just became a bit of a joker. Because I was, you know, at school I was Jonesy and you know that she's funny. She's you know, so I have a I could have a larger personality to make up for the fact that I wasn't one of the pretty girls who attracted all the guys at school because I wasn't.   You think that was your how you felt? Like, obviously because you very attractive woman?   Yeah, but I don't look at all like I did when I was at school at high school. If I was to show you a picture of me at high school, you wouldn't hardly recognise me. So yeah, I was quite a cute little girl. And then I went through puberty and it just all went to custard. I was chunky ahead rowshare on my cheeks, which was really like fiery, like, everywhere I went, I had these big red cheeks. I was cutting my hair short, because most people did in the 80s. And I was colouring it all these different colours. And I just, I took me a long time to find where I was comfortable. And a bit of that probably had to do with my growing up and things like that. But I just was not confident in myself, but I guess I was a confident person. Because I was able to therefore be funny and I used to do musicals and do acting classes and things like that. So I sort of went through that way to sort of overcome it, but I was never that particularly happy with the way I looked. And it wasn't until I left school and sort of got things more under control. And then I met my boyfriend when I was 19. I married him at 22. And I just went down that path of life and had my kids and was a mum and everything like that. And when my marriage broke up in 2010, I dropped a lot of weight from that. And I just had more time probably to spend on myself, because the kids got older. And so I've really enjoyed just reinventing myself a little bit, I guess. Which means you don't have to stay in the just because you look one way you can.   So you've done all the program - I need to get married, get a kid. Yeah, this is done. Check. Check, check.   Marriage is over. Now. I can take care of. So um, yeah, I mean, I'm, yeah. I'm sort of a single woman do mind thing at the moment is actually quite nice.   So you don't regret that? Your divorce?   Well, I didn't choose the divorce.   Yeah, do you feel comfortable?   I'm comfortable with it. I would have stayed married for over a year. So I would have but you know, I didn't choose that. But I guess I just decided that I've got to make the best of it. And I've got to move forward. I've always been a person who's always move forward that that's the one thing my mother used to say to me, actually, because both my parents have passed away. She used to say to me stop rushing Susan stop rushing through life. And I guess I don't rush. But I definitely am always been a forward thinking person. So I really try not to dwell on things that I can't change. Maybe that's a good thing, that it is hard. It doesn't always work for me. I've had some moments where I've really, really struggled. I had a relationship last year actually, which was really different for me, I thought that I'd met someone that I would want to be with. And he ended up a guest on him. No gas lighting was but he ended up sounds really bad now, but I don't mind if you put this on the podcast because no one will could relate to it dating. When you're older is hard. I've done some online dating and that I find it very difficult actually gives me anxiety to online date, because the expectation is just there. And but I didn't meet someone. And I thought it was going well. And then he kind of started to say he wasn't feeling well. He was sick. I wasn't giving him the love and support that he needed. And I couldn't understand what was going on. But he'd actually reconnected with his old girlfriend and who's out there living with her. I did find out about it. And I twisted all the words and everything. It was terrible. Terrible. But anyway, I got through that. Okay, and it took a while because I just couldn't believe that someone that I thought was, if nothing else, did he not have enough respect to tell me? Yeah, it's not. You know, people do fall out of love with people, people do find other people. I accept that. But don't lie and try and make it my fault. When you're living a double life for someone else. That's, that's what's beautiful, is the fact that they disregard.   Well, you mentioned it would last longer and you found it out.   I know. So there we go. months, you know, it's a blink in the ocean really?   Okay, so my last question. What is your favourite saying or, quote about being a woman?   Well, when I grew up, the slogan was girls can do anything. They still can. And that's always stuck with me. Because in the 70s I think there was a big push 60s and 70s for girls to get out there and try different things. Yeah. And that's the one that's always stuck with me and we can girls can do anything. Okay, so that's my favourite quote.   Thank you. So thank you very much for sharing your story and I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day and your photoshoot   Thank you. It's been great so far. So yes, I'm really looking forward to it.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Courtney, who was born and raised in Texas, US, and her passion for the environmental industry. We get into details of the waste and recycling business and discuss how it works. We also talk about aging and the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how she overcomes them.   10 Facts About Courtney (at the time of the project) 42 years old.Courtney was born in the US and raised in Houston, Texas.She left Texas when she was 18 years old and went to university on the East Coast in Virginia for four years and got her degree in anthropology.Then she moved to Washington DC and got her dream job with the Discovery Channel.Courtney played field hockey in the NCAA Division 1 and loved the sport.In her 20s, Courtney had a plan to travel the World and had this awesome itinerary booked. She was supposed to go to India, Bali, Thailand, and Vietnam, but every single place on her itinerary ended up having a natural disaster that year.She moved to Australia when she was 24 and started her career in the environmental industry. Courtney loved it, specifically the waste and recycling segment. She was there for nine years. When Courtney was overseas, she would always take pictures of bins.Courtney also worked as a sustainability consultant for Harris farm markets. Also, she set up recycling programs for all the major stadiums in Victoria and New South Wales, for Qantas Airlines, hospitals, and KFC.Courtney is married and has two kids. Two boys. One is 12 and the other is 10.Courtney and her family live out in a rural area outside of Sydney with a little horse farm and feels more Texan there than she should.----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   And I always struggled that, you know, I just I could never access that deep bass and me and if you, you know, look into like just the body and even like chakras, that's the base chakra. And I realised I was avoiding that. And that's your childhood. That's your insecurity, you know, and that, that groundwork, that foundation wasn't set for me. And so I haven't wanted to access that part of me. So that's been really interesting to see what comes up when I do take those deep breaths, and I usually cry, which is sad.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the My Body My Story project and today with us Courtney in the studio. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, and Laura is doing makeup for her. I'll be asking a few questions. Hi, Courtney, welcome to the studio and welcome to the project. And let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Thank you. I gotta keep it to 10. No, you can. I wish I was that interesting. I think you were I wish I was that interesting. Yes. Hi, I'm Courtney. I'm 42. I am from Texas. And I was reflecting on my drive here this morning that I moved here when I was 24. So I thought that was really special that I was 24. Now I'm 42. So it sort of mirrors each other. And so here I am, in this chair. I am married I have two kids. Two boys. One is 12 and one is 10. And we just got a new puppy, which is our first pet ever. So it's very special for our family.   What's the breed?   We bought a miniature Labradoodle and he's chocolate brown. And he's super cute. And we've named him Nacho. Little throw to my Texas roots.   And yeah. And I was the US born and raised in Houston, Texas, but then went to university on the East Coast in Virginia. I played field hockey on a division one team for an NCAA in the NCAA, division and loved sport. That's how I identified myself as it was as an athlete. And so it's been interesting as I've gotten older how, especially having kids and getting married, I have lost a lot of the thing that act you know, they're active, sporty - Corty that I used to identify so strongly with.   Why would you … you didn't have enough time?   Well, it's interesting because my husband, he plays in my professionally, a sport now. And so it seems like all of our time nurtures that hobby, or that, that sport for him. He's a polo player. And so our whole life is horses. So it's sort of funny, I'm from Texas. I'm not even from a farm. But like, I'm from a big city. But now we live out in a rural area. So my rural area outside of Sydney with a little horse farm, and I feel more Texan here than I should. But I never fit in at home. So that's sort of I guess something I've always reflected on is what are you in leave Texas. So I left Texas when I was 18 years old, and I haven't been back. And I miss it. So I went to university for four years. Then I moved to Washington DC. And I got my dream job or dream company. I wanted to work for the Discovery Channel. Oh, wow. And I just harassed them until they hired me. And I just kept showing up. Because it was only it was a two hour train ride from my university. And I would just go up there. And anyway, finally I was able to get a position after graduation. And I loved living in in Washington. My sister lives one of my sisters lived there as well. And it was just a great time I would look back on that time in my 20s it was just awesome. Just fancy foot and free. Washington DC is a very walking friendly city and I just would just I just feel like I walked everywhere. And it was lovely. And I loved him the company I worked for but then I started getting a bit antsy because I thought I'm working with the Discovery Channel but I'm not discovering anything I'm not you know it amongst the content that they're filming and that's where I want to be I want to be on upset. And I just kept saying, I was like, please send me anywhere, any of the global offices, I'll go, you know, and they, they were like, Look, you have to be, you know, like a senior vice president or higher to get transferred, transferred to get a visa and you know, all the things now that I've realised just make me voice a person's Hi, how's it going made me a vice president. And I was like, by the time I'm not old, I'm not going to want to be thrown around, I wouldn't I'm not gonna go any I don't want to be uplifted anywhere and dropped somewhere. And, you know, Africa or somewhere in Congo. So I know, I remember. I think I remember telling my boss I was like, I just really because my degree was in anthropology. So I got my degree in anthropology. So I thought, I just want to live with a tribe, I just put me in this tribal setting. And I'm just totally wild. And it's and that says, always set within me in my base and my core, like, I still crave that. I just finished watching alone, Australia. I don't know if you guys have seen that. And there's this amazing badass Gina, who's on the show. And she just is one with nature. And she knows how to live and survive in the wild environment of Tasmania. And she kicks ass and I'm like, I want to be Gina. And so but here I am, you know, wearing normal clothes, eating food from the grocery store. And I'm like, This is not no, this isn't all right. So today, I have a landscaper at my house completely ripping up my garden and putting in a full fledge veggie patch with all raised beds. And I'm so excited because this is this is me being more coordinated. This is like a Courtney garden would be growing my own veggies, like come on, like for real this is that shouldn't even be hard. Like that's a no brainer for me. And since that's nurturing, so that's genuinely nurturing that hobby. But going back to DC, when I was antsy, and kind of wanting to get out and explore the world, I found a friend who wanted who was willing to go on around the world ticket with me. And I was like, let's just let's just quit our jobs and travel. Let's take a year off and, and America. We're not really accustomed to doing that we don't have a gap here. Well, that concept doesn't exist. So we got a lot of just you push back. My family was like, Are you kidding? You're gonna have a gap in your resume. You're working for this great Corporation. And you're gonna leave that and I was like, Yeah. And what was funny is in the meantime, I actually had met an Australian, because Aussies were doing what they do best and travelling the world. And you know, and so I met this guy, and I was only 19 Actually when I met him, but then he ended up moving to America. And then he moved back to Australia. And so I was in my head, my little 20 year old 20 something year old head, I was like, Okay, I'll do this round the world ticket and then go to Australia on Route, and see him and see what that's like. So, along the way, I lived in London for about, I think five months, I was in London. And, and again, it was that magical time of being in my 20s and London's just like DC in terms of it's so walking friendly. And I just remember walking everywhere and just through the park. I loved it.   I love London.   I loved it. I lived in Holland Park, and it was just really special time. Again, super fun. Had a great group of friends there. But then I felt started filling this pool from Australia. My boyfriend, we need to get down here. Come on, what are you doing over there, you know, and hurry, hurry. And interestingly, I had this awesome itinerary booked. I was supposed to go to India like to go. And I was supposed to go to Bali and Vietnam and every single place on my itinerary ended up having a natural disaster that year. So it was like this incredible earthquake in India. There was the tsunami in Thailand. I supposed to go to Thailand. There was the shootings in Bali. So it's not a natural disaster. Disaster because I cancelled the itinerary. Even when I moved to London, it was during the bombings in the tube. And like it was just like, I was like, I don't think this is the year to travel.   Yeah, it was just pushing you to Australia.   Yeah. And so it was just interesting to see even what's happened in the world since then. It's gotten better. And there's just been an earthquake in Morocco. And so just I think goodness, I did get a little bit of time to be overseas. But it still feels like I didn't get to complete my itinerary. And so anyway, got to Australia. I remember being here for a few months and being feeling that sense of being antsy again. I was like, Oh, I just really want to go somewhere again, like this is too normal now. And my sisters were like Courtney, you live in Australia. Are you kidding? That's so exotic. Like no it's not. It looks like America, you know like except for it has beautiful beaches and You know, they're like, you live in a holiday location, what are you thinking? And so I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend, but I had a great job. So I guess another sort of, if I had to be concise with my 10 facts about me, like, just another moment was, I started my career in the environmental industry. Here in Australia. I gotten a glimmer of it in London, and I loved it, specifically the waste and recycling industry. I just thought that was my calling. That was very interesting how different countries manage their waste and materials. And I'm from a country or a state, that's very wasteful. I grew up in a really, in that sort of society. And it just never felt right. My roommates in college on the east coast of the US introduced, introduced me to recycling. And I was like, I just felt so Texan. I was just like, how, why would you do that? And like, and they remember, they would reuse their sponges, you know, after wash during the wash up at the dishes and was like, Why are you keeping that? Why do you just throw it away after every time? And they're like, Are you kidding me? And that's, that was just so ingrained in me. That's yucky this journey. And so that's from that point of view. So then for me to completely go, Oh, my God, that is so wrong.   Like I just need to ask - in Texas, they don't use sponges few times and through them (after each use - editor)?   Well, I think Okay, so in my house, I can only talk about my house. Yeah, we were very much. You'd never there was never dish towels, you always use paper, paper towels, to always paper towel, just anything you'd wipe. So that was that our bath towels were washed every day. So that's different. I do think my mom had a sponge, but I mean, it always looked pristine. So who knows, I never managed that part of the house, it would have not been a single use item, it would have been reused. But if it got yucky, it was out. And so in the amount of rubbish, like you should see the trash cans that are put out on the street, the wheelie bins, they are massive, I should take pictures of them. Because once I got into the waste and recycling industry here, I just got I was fascinated to see how we were managing it here. Yeah. And even just when I did go overseas, I always, always taking pictures of bins. I just thought that was so interesting. I'd be in the Singapore Airport. And I'd see all these been categories. I'm like, wow, I didn't even know you could have three or four streams, you know, and so that was now going back 20 years ago. So it's fun to see it now. 20 years later, America has caught up. Once America gets on to something, they really go for gold and they do it. They do it the best. So like it's the mindset is the mindset is not quite there yet naturally where you would sort of separate like in Texas, I don't actually think there's as much recycling   I have a question which always bothers me here. Is this coffee... paper cups are they recycling? On the train station, they say it's not recycling and somewhere   Yeah, you've got the right girl sitting in the zoo. And you're gonna be disappointed because it's unfortunately, it's not black and white. And so I'll give you kind of the explanation of what to do with that cut. So my I will solve the paper gap. So a coffee cup in Australia, and I'm sure it's elsewhere as well has paper fiber, and then a polyethylene coated plastic liner inside, you can't see it, it's in between the paper fiber the paper board. If you take that cup and put it in a paper mill, which is going to break down the fibers and then make new paper out of it, it's going to just sort of clump on itself because that plastic liner is just going to become a ball. And you're not going to get it's called the probability rate. It's not very palpable. The point is you're not going to get a lot of paper out of a cup. So they don't really want a big batch of coffee cups coming into their mill. Okay, they want newspaper, think about newspaper, it just when you put that in a big vat of hot water with just you know, detergent, it's going to break down, become very palpable. But before we even get to the paper mill, you have to be at the recycling facility, and this is where the problem is. So, the mill can handle coffee cup. They just don't want a truckload of them at once. Don't mix it in with Office white paper or what have you. Same thing like when we used to have phone books, phone books, had telephone books had really thick bit of glue on the binding if you remember those days, yeah, and they never wanted just a big truckload to arrive of that because that glue would become a problem in their process. But even going back from that, if you're at the recycling facility, which is where all our stuff goes first, it's called a Murph Material Recovery Facility. All of our stuff that we, we diligently separate into our bins at home, go to these facilities. And they just dump it on a conveyor belt and the conveyor belt with some people. And then also just some devices and technology throughout the facility separates the paper, the glass, the aluminium, when it gets the paper cup, it doesn't know what it is. It's like is it a bottle because of the shape. It's a container. It looks like a container to the facility. And this is rudimentary. This is basic technology. This is not fancy. They've tried to add fancy like lasers and stuff. But we're infrared sensors, not lasers to detect the polymer types into data. So the cup is paper and plastic. And it's a shape that is not like a flat piece of paper, flat pieces of paper and cardboard go through beautifully. They make their way to the paper stream. But anything shaped like a water bottle ends up in the plastic stream. So what I do is I take the coffee cup, I flatten it, like paper, and I put in the recycling bin knowing that they don't really want it, but they can handle it. That's my story. That's That's my accent. Was that nice and sharp?   Yeah, you closed my Gestalt. Like you resolved.. a problem was solved.   There's no easy way to explain it though.   What about like, so take away containers and stuff like plastic takeaway content? Yeah.   My mom, like I've been I grew up with recycling, like, drilled into me. Yeah. And she's taught she washed still to this day washes. Like, every single thing that comes through here. You don't have to do that. Yeah. You know, this jacket is being right. Yeah. Like if you've had butter chicken, don't do that. This episode. This episode is gonna be very helpful. But like, it's confusing, though. Because they actually, they're recycling facilities feed back this information. And you know what's so funny. Yeah, the Leora, the other lady that I know, this was her job for vise. Just so it was to communicate to householders what to put in the right vent. She was the Marketing Manager for Visio for many years, and I'm smiling, just thinking of her because that was her job, because it was really hard to explain to householders what to put in each bin right. And we used to have to separate paper glass, aluminium. Now we can all put it in one bin, which is called a commingled collection, which is a lot easier when you go to England, you still have to separate brown glass, green glass, clear glass, like you households have many bins overseas, which is why I always took pictures, because I was like, wow, we have it so easy here. But the recycling facilities will feed back to you. Please give us clean containers because if you do send something imagine like a gross pizza box with cheese on it or a takeaway container with butter chicken or gravy. You know, whatever is like the point is when that gets the facility, they do have rat problems like they you know, it's a it's a warehouse. And then they have to squash all the materials into these one tonne bricks. Like they're called bales to then be collected and then sent to a manufacturing facility. So if it does have food residue, it's not ideal, right? Yeah. But when it gets to that next place, they put it through so much hot water and processing. It kills. It's okay. Yeah. So I just think don't be a dick. Like don't like you know, like, have it be full of stuff just like if I have a salsa that maybe it's gone bad or you know, I'll empty it out. I might even just use some like dishwasher. dishwater that's already there. Yeah. And just kind of give it that I do not put it in the dishwasher. I do not hand wash it. Absolutely not. Yeah.   Nice. So you work now with this in that industry.   So I can so I guess going back to that moment in time, I love recycling. And I loved my job. I finally found this job that just really just made my heart sing. And I gave it my all. I was there for nine years. This first job that I had when I moved here and this is when I met my now husband. And so it was really exciting time because it's why I stayed here. And now I've been here for almost 20 years. And my career has taken some really fun adventures and turns and twists. My last job was being the sustainability consultant to Harris farm markets, which is a food retailer here in Sydney. And I got to get this inside view, insider view of where our food comes from. And, and how it's packaged. And what do customers do when they take it out? Like it was just it's kind of like was the missing piece of just you know, now I'm in the decision seat to go, what do we actually put our strawberries in? Or the Fresh Cut salad or the whatever what container and it became really murky waters because you want to preserve the food. And that has a different packaging requirement than having something that's recyclable or not plastic. Because in the meantime, there's been the war on waste that's been broadcast through the think it's ABC promoted that which was so impactful, because everyone well, I've never heard people talk about coffee cups as much as I just couldn't believe it. I was like, wow, everyone cares. Now, you know, like, no one used to care. And I set up recycling programmes for all the major stadiums in Victorian. In New South Wales, I set up recycling programmes for Qantas airlines, hospitals, KFC, every single KFC in the country has a recycling programme. And that was a project that I got to be a part of. And it was exciting, but no one cared at the time. And then all of a sudden, everyone started being like, Wait, we should really recycle and I'm like, Oh, God, it's so refreshing to hear everyone now being on board because I martyr My job was trying to convince, you know, teenagers at a KFC outlet to choose the right Ben and I'm like, Oh my god. So I really welcomed this new enthusiasm from society became part of pop culture. And now it's, it's, it's, it's gone beyond that. It's now a climate change issue. And it's now our survival. And it's, it's unfortunate become a political issue. But it's very much a, an ecological one. And, and so that's where there's a lot in between that first job Senate recycling programmes, when I first moved here, to then being able to advise a major food retailer, but it has filled my soul. But it's also completely bled me dry, because I gave myself to it. Because I deeply believed in it. And I felt like I needed to do something to help. In the meantime, I've become a mom, a wife, you know, and, and I just, I kept experiencing burnout. And so that's definitely part of my journey. I've had to acute situations where I've had a nervous breakdown. And it's like, wow, and it's that question of when's enough? And now like, what am I going to finally realise, like, I'm giving too much like, I am not filling my bucket back with what I need to keep going. Because that's actually not sustainable. Like, I'm trying to be system, I'm trying to promote sustainability. And yet, I can't keep going, that's not like going to get anywhere, I'm not going to have any impact. And so that's where I'm at now is having to take time off. For health reasons. I mean, like,   I think it's a normal cycle for anyone to be full of energy, and then a bit low energy. And I don't know if it's to do something to do with ageing, as well. And moving to this part of our interview, I want to ask you - What does ageing means to you, at your 42 is still young?   Well, it's interesting because I wrestle with it. I had someone recently tell me that as we get older, especially as women, we move more into a year end stage. So if you think of yin and yang, and Yang is very active, and Yan is a little bit more calm and reserved and receiving rather than giving. And in my little head, I'm like, but I'm not I'm not ready to just receive but then I think it is I can hear that calling. And me I'm like it's more out of need to be more yen. So I would say for me ageing is that balance of Yang and yen even I guess, when I was 20. I wish I could have had a bit more yen a bit more calm. Because I think that would have balanced me out and I could have kept going more in a more sustainable balanced work life fashion. I think that's how I feel about ageing.   But if you could go back to any age, what it would be why and what advice would you give yourself?   I forgot that was one of the questions. I loved that time in Washington DC as a young 29 year old Courtney genuinely filling my cup with what brought me joy, going for walks in the park, catching up with friends. I think I missed that as a as an older adult actually makes me a bit teary thinking about it. And I'd like to tell the cornea of the 20 of her 20 year old self to still honour that those interest because they are important. Work is important. Yes. But life's not all about work. Even though I got a lot of joy from what I did, I needed to balance it with the more the fun side.   Yeah, it's very this question usually calls out some emotions. So talking about body image and changes, we spoke about that before the interview. And you told me that you notice some changes. But first question I want to ask if your body could talk. What do you think it would ask you to tell you now? At your stage now.   I think my body would say, to be more accepting. Just accept me more. That makes me really, and I'm giggling. But I'm actually about to cry. Because yesterday I was having this chat. I've got this lovely counsellor that I speak to, because I have had a lot of body positivity struggles in the last few years. And I'm just getting situated in my chair. Thank you lovely Libra. Yeah, and so I just, I think I need to be easier on myself that internal critic thing. Because what's interesting is, even when I was super fit and young, I still didn't feel at home in my body. And so I think if my body could tell me something, it's just be at home, this is this is your home. And it doesn't matter what size it is, but shape, I am actually really grateful that I don't feel burned out anymore. And, and even though I'm not the same size or shape that I used to be in that I struggle with that, I feel better, like in terms of like, you know, that mind gut connection that is often referred to I've done a lot of reading and research about that. Personally, I find that fascinating. And that's, that is more peace than it has ever been in my life. And I find that really fascinating that I don't like the way my body looks. But I do like the way I feel more and more inside.   Do you understand your body more?   Like what does it want to wear? You know, like sometimes for me it was it was always a problem that people say, you have to listen to your body. And I was like how I hated that question. I hate it when people are that suggestion. I would say listen to your body. And I remember when I had my first breakdown at work, I was like a sitting in this doctor's office. And I'm like, I don't I don't know what it says. Like they actually told me to guess I remember I was at Balmoral Beach, which is this beautiful beach. I lived near and never went because I was always so busy with my kids and work. And here I was in a in the prescription was coordinate, go sit on a bench and look out at beautiful Balmoral beach, I couldn't have been more restless, restless in that on that park bench. It would have been funny to look back on me. And just to see someone looking at this woman so fidgety on this bench, not being present, not being mindful, you know, just hating the experience of sitting still couldn't stand it. And so I think my body was actually screaming at me. I had a, I went to a healer in Bondi this lovely man from Uzbekistan, his name was Abra which I loved because it's like abracadabra, so couldn't be more like you know, alternative by try. And he goes coordinate he has your body is a living being. It has feelings. And he goes imagine when a little kid is not listened to. They get upset and they start to throw a tantrum. Because your body you're not listening to your body. So now your body's starting to have a tantrum. And it's trying to get your attention. So that's why your hip hurts. That's why this hurts. That's why that like, it's just gonna go oh, you still don't hear me? Oh, how about I double down and get even tighter. And so like for me like that is my like, my stomach, my gut health go like my digestion goes. And my legs get super tight. So I've really poor digestion. And I think that's how my body handles stress is it starts to slow down there. And then yeah, my legs are like chronically tight. So I'm like this,     so you cannot digest what is going on and you don't want to walk forward   oh, that's so meaningful. That's so powerful. Because when I've actually I still seek specialist. Either they'd be alternative or conventional. And more and more, both camps come to me in the light, Courtney, this is an emotional issue. And I'm like, what? Like it's a, you're not processing your emotions, you're not moving them through your body, they're getting stuck. And you need to move them through, like, oh, and you know, it's just and so that's been a whole journey in itself. And I thought, what an interesting advice, like I literally went and got a colonoscopy to see if there was something wrong with my colon. And they're like, nope, healthy as and I'm like, really? Nothing. It was just funny. Like, I'm, like, determined to find something physically wrong. And it's not physical. It's 100%. Emotional, like, yeah. Anyway, that's where that's at.   What do you think are the main causes of body image issues?   Unfortunately, fortunately, for me, it comes from the family I grew up in, and the society I grew up in. I think there's a there's too much focus on what you look like in the South and the US. I don't know if you can imagine that sort of Southern Belle, you know, in Texas doesn't really quite fit that bill. That's more like Georgia, Mississippi, you know, but we are still southern. And we are, you know, we it's a pretty well put together society, everyone looks great. Which could be seemingly wonderful. Like when I go to Madrid, everyone looks fabulous in Madrid. Like, what are they doing here? Like everyone, men and women look great. But the emphasis I think too much on me as a little girl was how I looked, not who I was. And I think that's sad, because I can even hear it in my voice with my kids. I own like, Oh, you look so cute. Or Oh, you look so handsome. And then I'm realising I need to actually, yes, have that salt and peppered around them. But the basis should be like the comments from me as their mom should be more about. Gosh, you are. I just love how curious you are. I love how playful you are, like more, you know, just letting them know more of who they are, I think is important. Because no one ever I don't feel like anyone ever taught me who helped guide me and who I was. So I'm still figuring it out as a grown woman like my, you know, what does Courtney like or what am I good at?   You can just remove this word - you LOOK so cute. You can say - You ARE so cute. You know, just removing one word can make a difference.   Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. But even just like I think just even just taking it back from appearances. I want my kids to feel good in their body. And here, because I never felt at home in mine. And I can already hear my 12 year old, make comments about his body, and it just breaks my heart. And so I'm just, I'm probably too much aware of what I say, because I want to, I really want to pat it out with how wonderful and smart they are and active and healthy. And when he said he wanted to go on a diet, and I'm like, Are you kidding? Like, I don't ever say the D word in this house again. And we eat really healthy. And I'm all about fresh food and no artificial ingredients. And so I realised maybe I've talked too much about luck, because we haven't had a lot of junk food. And now when I tried to give him a treat, he's like, No, No, Mom, I shouldn't. And I'm like, oh, no, I've created a monster. But yeah, I'm, like I said, my family and I hate to you know, point the finger at them. But they, they they are a super, we are a super health conscious, body conscious family. I mean, I had my grandmother told me that the skinfold on the back of your hand is how much fat you should have all over your body. And if you pinch the back of your hand, there's no fat. And that's what I was told as a teenager. So that's not healthy. And my grandfather knew his percentage of body fat and used to tell us it was 11%. And he was trying to get to single digits like these people were not bodybuilders.   Where did they get this from? your grandparent?   I don't know. Because that would have been from a you know, a different time that I don't even know what their parents were like, you know, I think my grandmother was an only child. She's a little girl. And maybe her mom just made it all about. And she's beautiful. I mean, my family is stunning. Everyone's so beautiful. But they couldn't feel more insecure. It's like this toxic trait that needs to be healed. Because I've seen it in my aunts and my cousins. We all talk about it now openly, which I think is going to help heal it. Because I actually said after COVID I hadn't been home in a few years. And and I was I'm super fit. And yet my first thought when I finally booked my plane, I hadn't seen my family in three and a half years. My first thought was, I need to lose weight before I go home. That's really bad. And so when I was sharing that with my cousins, they go, Oh, my God, Courtney. That's what we think, too. Whenever we go to a family gathering, we need to lose weight. Yeah, that is so and that is, I'd love to unpack that with a psychologist one day and be like, that's not right. Right. Like, that's really bad. So I don't know where that stems from, you know, originally, originally, but it's toxic   You've really touched on that. But just, if we go deep into the subject, how do you think it can affect relationships? This body image?   Yeah, well, that's an interesting question. Because that came up yesterday, with my counsellor, I was telling her with, you know, an anticipation of today I go, you know, here, I've gained so much weight in the last year and a half. And I, you know, I'm really challenging myself having a photo taken, because I want to feel good in my body, I want to feel like I'm embracing in my body and of this new mentality that I'm trying to nurture. And she goes coordinate, she goes, I have a lady that came in, and she was with her husband in a session, and she was talking about how Oh, I'm gained weight. And she goes, her husband goes, well, I guess a bigger playground to play with. And I thought, that is so lovely. Who is that man, because that is a really special thing to say. Ne Ne Ne said it in a just a fun loving way. Where I think in terms of relationship, it is it is on us how we feel about our bodies. And I don't feel comfortable in my body. And I'm trying to, and I can see that I hide myself from my husband. But I do think also, it would be really great. I'd love to raise sons that say that to their wives one day, if for some reason, you know, they get you know, like if something, you know, just to be accepting of their partner,   imagine your husband would tell you this, would you feel better, or you would still,   I think it would have to be not a one off, it would have to be something that I felt so comfortable in my skin personally. And that he always you know, was feeding me little, you know, niceties and compliments that I actually felt like I believed him. Because if he were to say to me, like, you're just read that in a book, someone told you to say that, you know, you'd have to be a genuine feeling. Yeah, if that groundwork had already been established.   So how do you overcome your body related insecurities when they come up? Or like Now you said, you, you have that so you, what's your method.   So I've learned the beautiful art of deep breathing. I am somebody who didn't realise this. But ever since I was a little kid, I've actually held my breath. I've learned to suck in my stomach and hold it. And so it's been really a journey to just relax into my stomach and take one of those deep belly breaths that, you know, we learned in yoga, or wherever. And I always struggled that, you know, I just I could never access that deep base. And me and if you, you know, look into like just the body and even like chakras, that's the base chakra. And I realised I was avoiding that. And that's your childhood. That's your insecurity in you know, and that that groundwork, that foundation wasn't set for me. And so I haven't wanted to access that part of me. So that's been really interesting to see what comes up when I do take those deep breaths, and I usually cry, which is sad. But it does. I don't mind crying anymore, because I cry so much now.   And it's your emotions.   And it's that processing of emotions that we spoke about before that I am trying to get better at. So I put my hand on my chest and my hand on my belly and I take a deep breath. And that helps me to it's like a little hug from my body and myself. And I've noticed it makes me feel better.   So what did you do when you were younger? What was what's the difference in your methods?   When I was younger, yeah, feeling good about myself or sucking in my stomach.   So now you learn to, to breathe. And before when you felt insecure in your body. What did you do?   Oh my goodness. What did I not do? I was so rebellious as a teen, a young teen like even 12 years old. I think I just was always trying to get attention, whether it be good or bad. And so I think I would over compensate for my insecurity if that makes sense. Like literally the black lipstick, the big, you know, I had the admiring Lior shoes but like I had the big black Uh, Doc Martens in the 90s, you know, I thought it was so cool. And but the way I was going about it, I was trying to embarrass my mom and my family, you know, I was trying to be ridiculous. It's my little cheeky way of handling my insecurity, I think, unfortunately, to balance that, because it was also a good kid, I played sport. And I think that was so important. Not just in terms of being active, but also being on a team and having other young women around me that were all high fiving. You know, we are in America, like goatee, you know, like, we really, I missed that. camaraderie and in a team. I think we can all you know, quickly access that feeling of, Oh, I feel so good to be around other girls. And you hear somebody else go, Oh, I'm so fat. You're like, No, you're not like, you know, and people help you dismiss that.   Oh, so you have this sisterhood there?   Yeah, absolutely. And that's the internal voice that I need to bring to myself, I need to have that. What would my teammate or my sister say they need to be like, corny, don't be ridiculous. You know, love yourself. You're squishing out. It's great. It's fun, or whatever. Like, who cares? You know?   Okay, so you my last question. If you have any

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Michelle, and how she changed her 35-year corporate career and became a holistic grief and loss counselor. We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how she overcomes them. She also talks about how your inner world is just as important as your body. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body.   10 Facts About Michelle (at the time of the project) 55 years old.Michelle has two kids and a one-year-old granddaughter. Michelle’s daughter is 28 and a half, and her son will be 26 in November.Michelle has a Maltese heritage. Her dad's from Malta and she went there for the first time last year.Michelle spent 35 years in the corporate world until the beginning of last year when she completed her studies for counseling.Michelle is now a holistic grief and loss counselor, and she has her own business called Inner You Life. So she works with grief that comes with any loss or any major life transition.Michelle is very passionate about mental health and helping people get through their hardships.Michelle is also a crisis support volunteer for Lifeline.Michele loves the beach. For the last 5 years, she’s been living on the Northern Beaches and the beach is her place of happiness and peace. Before that, she lived in the Blue Mountains all her life.Michelle loves connecting with people. She is a big believer in holistic health. And a huge believer in your inner world is just as important as your body.To bring herself back in physical and spiritual shape Michelle uses 3 questions rule. Is there something I can do with this? How do I feel about it? And what do I need to do to feel better?  You can find Michelle here: @inneryoulife ----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   It's not just your physical body, it's your physical, your emotional, your spiritual, your energetic health and all intertwined. So, you know, we put a big, big focus on our physical body and exercise and diet, which of course is important. But if we don't actually look after our inner world, if we don't look after our stress levels and our you know, our emotional health, our body will see that, you know, it will it will show on our physical health and how we look and how we feel about ourselves.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to The My Body My Story project. And today with us in the studio, Michelle. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair and Nicole creating her magic. I'll be asking her a few questions. Morning Michelle, welcome to the studio. Welcome to the project.   Thank you glad to be here.   Let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   I'm 55 just turned 55. Actually, I've got two kids and a one year old granddaughter who are the light of my life. I have Maltese heritage. So my dad's from Malta and I went there for the first time last year. And that was amazing. I spent 35 years in the corporate world until beginning of last year when I'd completed my studies for counselling. So I'm now a holistic grief and last counsellor and I have my own business called Inner You Life. Very passionate about mental health and helping people get through their hardships.   What is it again if you can tell us what's the name?   Inner You Life   and where people can find you if they want to   My website is http://inneryou.life and they can reach me at michelle@inneryou.life. I'm also a volunteer for lifeline. So I crisis support there and have been for the last couple of years. So a bit of a trend with mental health for me. I love the beach. I live near the beach and the beach is my happy place, I guess my place of happiness and peace. What else   Where do you live, which area?   I live on the Northern Beaches and   Yeah, I thought so. Because when you said the love it   I've lived there for the last nearly five years prior to that I'd lived out Blue Mountains all my life.   Oh, so it's a bit of a bit of a change.   But it's, it's good. And since I moved over there, I actually realised I had some primary and high school friends over there. So we've reconnected with those. So that's been really good. What else I love my friends, I love connecting with people. I'm big believer in holistic health. So doing the best I can for myself, my body, my well being. And just a huge believer in your inner world is just as important as your body.   So what made you what made you move into this field, giving up your corporate career?   Well, when I was the last couple of years in my corporate life, I did do a lot of work with staff around wellbeing and mental health. And I just found that whilst it it's a good place to work in the corporate field, it's it didn't fulfil me. I just didn't feel like I was adding any value to anybody. So I spent the last couple of years sort of studying and then when the opportunity arose at the beginning of last year, I just took it and it's been a journey, but I've started to build the business and it's been it's been amazing. I like I feel like I'm really adding some value to people's lives and that means a lot to me.   You mentioned that you're helping people to deal with grief and losses, and I assume it's not only death, it's also divorce or separation   it's yeah, it's everything. It's, I mean, grief comes with any loss or any major life transition. So even retirement or kids leaving home, I found a lot of women, us sort of going through grief because they've gotten to a certain age and they feel like they've lost themselves. So yeah, I'm just sort of putting together some grief and loss circles on different things now. So I've also just finished my studies for end of life doula, which kind of, I guess, goes into the whole grief and loss space. So yeah, so it's all still happening on my end.   So it wasn't something which you can relate to that. That's why it was interesting for you.   And yeah, I spent, I started out with studying and wanted to be a counsellor, I was kind of looking broadly that I was going to be, you know, a counsellor, just doing whatever. And then, middle of last year, my mum passed away. And it sort of, I guess it was the catalyst to go, I want to be in this space, this is where I need to be. And so I've been able to, I guess, use my own experience. I mean, I've had loss before, and, you know, death and all that sort of stuff. But I think losing my mum was probably the biggest. So that's kind of why I've landed in the, in the grief and loss space. But I think to so many clients come in, they start off, they're coming to see me because of grief. And when we sit down and talk there's so much underneath that. So many different things throughout their lives that they haven't quite addressed. So yeah, so that's, I really do like it. It's hard, but I love it.   It's interesting that you mentioned also kids leaving home and I thought, Oh, that's true. Like I've experienced it myself a couple of years ago, and it was real, the thing was real. Absolutely easy, isn't it? And that's actually led to this loss of identification, like thinking, Okay, who am I now, if not a mother, though I never looked at myself as a mother, you know, I thought I was doing my own thing. And on the way I was bringing up my son, but then when he left, I just realised that everything was focused on me being a provider for him as a mother. So your kids, you mentioned that you have two kids how old they are?   my daughter is 28 and a half, and my son will be 26 in November.   They both live separately.   Yes. And my daughter is with her partner and their baby. And my son is still at home at the moment with his dad still out round the lower Mountains area, because that's where his work is. But yeah, so they're there, even though they're adults, I don't know, you still don't ever lose that mother instinct, do you? It's not like they turn 18 And that fear,   but it's a bit of work on yourself to stop performing this role.   It is and then you know, then it starts again. Because now I've got this one-year-old granddaughter. So I go out every Monday. I don't see clients and I go and spend the day looking after her and spending it with her. So it's been amazing watching her grow the last year.   isn't different to be a mom or grandmother.   it's everything comes back. You know, all those memories of your own children come back. But I think the difference is   its responsibility.   Yeah. And you're so much more experienced. And I feel like I'm so much more relaxed now. Like when my kids were young, I was always worried and not that you don't worry, but you you're just more relaxed than you were when you were a new mum yourself. But she's just started to walk. So that's been full on.   Yeah. So let's move to the ageing and body image questions. So what does ageing means to you? At this moment,   it used to mean fear. I used to be scared of ageing. Although I've always been open as open and honest about ageing. I've never sort of been one to kind of hide my age or you know, be embarrassed about it. There was still that fear around but now I see ageing as as wisdom and learning and growth and change, like being able to change and find who you are and what you really want to do. So I actually am enjoying the process because from where I was, you know, 10-15-20 years ago. I just feel so much more comfortable in my skin   so what but I'll get to this question later about how you keep yourself in such a great shape. Because for someone who's listening, they cannot see you like, when you said I'm 55 I was like what? I know it's like after 45 project, but I didn't expect that. Ah. So, but before we move to the question how you keep yourself in such a great shape? I'll ask you What do you think are the main causes of body image issues or insecurities?   I think, in particular, for women, there's still a lot of conditioning and standards around how we're meant to look, or how we're meant to dress how we're meant to behave. So I think, you know, for women, it's young girls, in particular, they're growing up thinking they need to be a certain way. And I think that conditioning has just been magnified, you know, 1000 fold by social media. So I think, you know, living or growing up in the social media phase, and looking at that stuff all the time, is not, it's not particularly healthy, because a good portion of the time what they're seeing is not actually real. So I think that's a big issue around around body image for young people in particular, and even for us, I guess, if if we're that way inclined to be to be worried about that stuff.   Yeah, but those, don't you think that social media is just a trigger for existing problem? And so the roots are much deeper?   Yeah, it is. I think it's been it magnifies, what's already there. And I think a lot of that is around belief systems. And what we're raised to, you know, depending on how how we're raised, and what we're sort of learning and what beliefs we develop, is going to impact how we look at ourselves. And then, you know, you've got the whole the whole range of disordered eating and body dysmorphia, I guess. So it's all it's all interlinked. But I think social media has definitely been a big trigger and doesn't help the situation.   So you said that, it's also to do with the way we're raised with a family, it starts in the family and the relationship of our parents may be with their body image, or how they translate it through their behaviour. I don't know, like, yeah, if your mom kept standing in front of the mirror all the time and saying, Oh, my God, I'm fat. So that's what we learn, from hearing that all the time and thinking, oh, probably, that's bad. And it's, it's the focus of your attention all the time. So how do you think that this negative body image affects relationships, I mean, that all sorts of relationship, not only men and woman, but your everyday relationship.   I think it's got a huge, a huge impact. Because I think, you know, if you're struggling with your body image, your self esteem is pretty low. Your belief in yourself, your confidence, the self love that you have, which is probably very, very lacking. If you you know, you've got those sorts of thoughts and issues about yourself. So I think when, when your self esteem is low, and you're feeling that way about yourself, number one, you tend to if we're looking at romantic relationships, you tend to attract people to yourself. That may not treat you the way you deserve to be treated, because you're so your self esteem so low. So you, you've got nothing to guide yourself by you just think you, you know, you accept the love you think you deserve. So I also think for, you know, relationships with family and friends and all of that sort of thing. It does impact because quite often you you're just so much in your head and you you tend to have that negative thought process about how you look. So going out and things like that become an issue, what you're wearing how you dress. And then on the flip side, I've seen it where you know, younger, younger women or girls become quite promiscuous because they're looking for that validation for themselves that they can't give themselves. So I think there's a lot of there's a lot of impacts and I think it goes really quite deep in how people are going to react to it.   So If your body could talk, who do you think it would ask you?   I think it would, it would say that it's not just your physical body, it's your physical, your emotional, your spiritual, your energetic health and all intertwine. So, you know, we put a big, big focus on our physical body and exercise and diet, which of course, is important. But if we don't actually look after our inner world, if we don't look after our stress levels, and our, you know, our emotional health, our body, our body will see that, you know, it will, it will show on our physical health, and how we look and how we feel about ourselves. So I think it's, you know, my body would say, make sure it's, you know, you're not just going for your walk and doing your exercise and eating, well make sure you're doing your other stuff, taking care of yourself your self care.   So while you touch this subject of taking care of yourself, what is your go to method to bring yourself back to shape when body related insecurities happens from time to time? So what do you do? And the other half of the question, how does it change with age?   it's definitely changed with age, my body doesn't quite react the same way as it as it used to. But I think bringing my my body back, I've noticed getting sort of over 50, you'd start to have some of those little hormone or type issues, I guess you would call them. So last month, I just did a hormonal cleanse and detox. So that was 28 days. So that was run by happy hormones. Happy, Healthy. Yeah, I think it is. So it's all very scientifically based with you know, nutritionalist and stuff. So it was it was done really well. And it made me feel really good. So it was, you know, it was a big impact on not just physically but also mentally. And I just, I try and keep my exercise up, I guess. So I try and walk daily. I've started to do some weights just at home just hand weights, and I'm yeah, do yoga. But I also on the flip side, do all the I guess well being stuff so I meditate every day. I do practice gratitude, because I think it puts you in a good space. So yeah, so they're the sorts of things I try not to beat myself up. You know, if I if I noticed a bit of stomach, stomach fat and things like that, because our bodies are changing. I just look at and practically and go okay, is there something I can do with this? How do I feel about it? And what do I need to do to feel better?   Like three questions you ask yourself? Yeah. So what do you eat? Because like, you look like very healthy, young person. So how will you manage to stay young, you know, and energetic.   I look, I'm not overly strict on on what I ate. I'm probably a little stricter these days. And I was but I don't kind of except when I was on my cleanse and detox I, I sort of try and stick to an 8020 rule. I love chocolate. So I do indulge. But throughout the week, I do just try and eat you know salads and vegetables and protein and that sort of stuff. I have sort of started to stay clear a bit of your, your white breads and things like that. So I do, do try and stay away from that. But I drink a tonne of water and herbal tea. I don't drink any coffee, I don't smoke and I do enjoy a glass of wine and a drink every now and then. But it's not. It's not regular. So but yeah, I think I think just through my studies and working with people, I think that you can improve how you how you sort of look and whether that's how you really look or how that's how you see yourself by looking after you by looking after your stress and your mental health.   Okay, so my last question. If you have any favourite quote, or saying about being a woman?   I certainly do. “I can't think of any better representation than someone who is unafraid to be herself”.   It is a great one.   Thank you. I like it.   Thank you, Michelle, thank you very much for sharing your story and hope you will have a great rest of the day. and nice, relaxed, very relaxed, comfortable feeling and thank you again.   Thank you so much it was that was fun!   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Danica and her passion in the area of mental health services! She also talks about a massive crisis in veteran mental health, the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body.   10 Facts About Danica (at the time of the project) 43 years old.Danica was born in Yarrawonga in Victoria and grew up in Austinville, just about 30 minutes Southwest of Byron Bay. She is now in Goonellabah, which is just at the top of Lismore.Danica is the second eldest of seven kids.Danica’s family was also a foster family. So on top of their own seven kids, her parents took in 48 kids over 12 years.Danica and her ex-partner moved to London for a couple of years and traveled around Europe.Danica is a single mother of two boys 15 and 13 years old.Danica is a mental health worker and is about to start building a business proposal for a mental health crisis center, like a mental health emergency department that's separate from the hospital and separate from community mental health.Before that, Danica was in the Army as a combat medic. Then she moved into suicide prevention crisis, a crisis intervention, and she worked in that field as a volunteer from the beginning, just while her kids were little.Danica disagrees with the saying that money cannot buy happiness. She believes that having money and being comfortable with money makes a huge difference and gives one a comfortable life and freedom.Danica strongly believes that any trauma needs to be spoken about to open that wound so it can be cleaned out and healed into a scar. So, it's no longer infecting your life.----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   Our bodies are essential for a reason we have those erogenous zones for a reason, learning that and removing that guilt was a huge weight off my shoulders and I empowered myself I was in control, I was all my, my doing, and I was empowered by it. And then this injury happened. And it got taken all the way again without my consent. And that's where my insecurities come from.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the My Body, My Story project, and today with us in the studio, Danica. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, and Leora is creating her magic, we're gonna talk and I'm gonna ask you a few questions. Let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   10 facts about me. I'm one of seven children. I'm the second eldest of seven kids. We were poor family. But you wouldn't have known it. I'm from the outside because my parents were the hardest working people I've ever met in my life. My mom even though she was a stay at home mom. She had four jobs on top of it along with all of us kids. My dad was travelling sales. So he got the best of that. That that parenting role because he was away for the week. Come back for the weekend. Usually Friday nights when we're all bath had dinner, getting ready for the bedtime routine. And dad gets got to come in and go. Hey. So that was growing up.   Where did you grow up?   Well, I was born in Yarrawonga in Victoria, and then we travelled when I was about four years old, the first four cars that we had four down in Victoria, and three up in Lismore. And we travelled up and down the east coast of Australia, trying to find some way mum and dad just packed everything up, sold everything and got in a car and drove and we Austinville was the place that mum and dad really loved on the way through and they made it all the way up to North Queensland. And then we found our way back down to Austinville where they bought and that's where I grew up. Just about 30 minutes south west of Byron Bay. So that's where I grew up. And went also the primary I'll still high school.   And now where are you located?   I'm now in Goonellabah, which is just at the top of Lismore. And that how I ended up there, that's a whole another story. I'm a single mum have been familly City News, which is where I ended up back at home again, because I'm the my partner when my ex partner and I, we moved to London for a couple of years. We travelled around Europe. And then we first started trying for kids, but because I'd been on the pill for as long as I was over 20 is on one of the highest doses. When we spoke to the doctor about you know planning to have children, he goes, Look, it's probably going to be like 18 months, two years because your body has been on this contraception for so long for it to be actually probably fertile. And we were like, Yeah, that's cool, because that means we can go and live in Sweden, we can go and do this. We can you know, when it happens, it will happen. And a month later I was pregnant. So that kind of threw our plans this week, which I should have known because like six out of the seven kids were all contraception babies. So my oldest sister was the only one that wasn't you know, that was not contraception conceived on the wedding night. The rest of us are all contraception babies. Like my one of my brothers. Mom had the copper implant. And she was nearly five months pregnant before she realised she was pregnant.   Oh God,   so then they had to get the implant out without aborting the baby because that would have ordered the baby eventually when he got even bigger. So that's how much we're contraception babies. They're just very first long chains very fertile. That's why I was just like, Oh man, I should have known should have known. But then when we moved because I got severe hyperemesis, which is basically, at type promises gravidarum, which, you know, so many women go through when they're pregnant, but it's not really spoken about, they just call it a lot of people, a lot of doctors call it just morning sickness. When it's not, it's an actual severe medical condition. You know, in London, they had our whole ward for what's the hyperemesis ward for women did keep going, and you can get hooked up for an IV for a couple of hours just to replenish your fluids, because you're vomiting 24/7. It's horrendous. My blood pressure was about 86 over 43. So I was like walking dead who passed out minimum five times a day,   how many kids do you have   two boys   and all the same story with both of them?   Yeah, both of them were horrendous. I have to I have to keep changing my language, though, when I'm telling that story if my kids are around, because I don't want them to think that they were horrendous. Anything wrong with them. Because they were perfect. They were huge. That's the whole point. That's what hyperemesis disease, they've linked it to the pregnancy hormone. So the higher the pregnancy hormone, the sicker you are. So at six weeks pregnant, I could have looked after three other pregnancies with the amount of hormone that I was carrying, or producing, I should say. So like, super fertile. So the babies were massive, they were huge. They were healthy, big fat babies, nine pound for and nearly nine pound for the second one. I think it was all in their head. So a massive heads 95th percentile. That's two facts.   I'm a mental health worker. That would just secured a lease for an office, because we're about to start building a business proposal for a mental health crisis centre. So like a mental health emergency department that's separate from the hospital, and separate from community mental health. So there's an in between point because at the moment, there's mental health and community. And then it's the extreme locking them up. In psych world, there's no intervention in between. It's in, you know, if someone's in a crisis, that crisis could be de escalated quite quickly, just by having contact with a person and someone talking to them, maybe some PRN. And maybe, you know, even just to night's really good sleep and good feed, that type of stuff and connection with people. They don't need to be locked up and handed heavy. Any psychotics and zombified for two weeks straight and then dumped back out on the streets again, you're okay, again, you know, so we're trying to build a bridge between the extreme psych ward and in community mental health. So people can come in, if they're feeling escalated, or they've got a drug induced psychosis, or they haven't been able to sleep, they're getting a little bit manic and that type of thing. They can come in and actually get some help immediately. Because at the moment, when someone's in a crisis, the only plan is to call an ambulance and police and then put them in the emergency department. And then they because they're not wait for three hours or 13 hours, you know, there's a third and usually, like, I've had sat with one client, because I knew if I didn't sit with them, they would have left, and they needed to be seen, they needed to get some help. We sat there for 13 hours, and in a room by themselves. And so that's why I was in there. And I think probably three times in that 13 hours somebody came in just to check in, and then went back out again. And then no wonder why these people who are in crisis end up having police and security called on them and they're being tasered in the IDI and all that type of stuff. That's like, well, you treat somebody like they don't exist and that they're invisible. They're going to respond in a reactive way to make you pay attention to. It's not hard to you know, just go and sit with somebody. Give them a cup of coffee. Have a chat, find out what the hell's going on. You know, a lot of my clients were in The Northern Rivers where we're from, we've got some of the highest mental health incidences in Australia, and some of the lowest mental health services.   So why do you think it's to do with this area is this kind of remote area?   Well, I think because we're Byron Bay is only just down the road. So it's quite a popular destination, we've also got Nimbin is just up the road, which is the drug capital of Australia, anything you want him to name it? So I think there's a lot of drugs there as well. But also just the fact that it's a very laid back accepting community. So to be unwell, is you kind of safer to be unwell there than you would be if you were to be as unwell as what the some of these people are in a city, they'd be locked up, they'd be you know, you'd end up getting put in secure facilities and that type of thing. So of some of them, they need the secure facility behind you know, there's just a such a massive gap. So one of my other friends and I are building a business plan, and we've just secured the office. So we're going to start off with just within the NDIS staff, getting training mental health specific workers, because there's a lot of disability workers, a lot of disability workers, you can drown in disability workers. But when it comes to actual mental health specific workers, there's not many, and there's not many that actually have the knowledge and insight or lived experience into mental health. That can have a bigger understanding, which creates a bigger umbrella for these people to be able to feel connected and, you know, taken care of. So that's what we're kind of working on trying to build that community of workers with the knowledge and the care and the empathy and the lived experience, but healed lived experience to be able to help guide others through their journey of recovery. The level of mental health that I work in is usually complex. So there's not using the term recovery doesn't really come into the, because there is no recovery from these illnesses, it's basically trying to help them be the best version of themselves in the space that they're in. So like some of my clients have live in permanent ps ychosis, like 24/7 delusional. So you know, I've got one guy who was a mermaid. And then, you know, aliens abducted him, and they split his tail and want my right butt cheeks bigger than my left seat, and a cold look, look. And you just go into the world with them. You don't, this is what I try to teach people and new workers that come along, you have to remember that this entire field is not about you. And these people are living with horrendous mental illnesses, a lot of them schizophrenia, which means they have auditory hallucinations pretty much 24/7 a day. Some of them have the visual hallucinations in conjunction with it, or just visual hallucinations, but majority of them have the auditory, so they're hearing things constantly, 24/7 a day. Just imagine how exhausting that is. And yet, they still manage to get up and try to live their lives try to do something. And instead of them looking for ways to self medicate. We're trying to give them an option to actually be in that mode, but have someone to support them through it. So like if they've got a new voice that's come along, and they're really terrified by it. And we kind of help them to fight back, you know, recognising what's happening to them is very real, for them to say, suddenly come in and go, Oh, it's not real. You go, will you have no idea? Because for them, it's very 100% real.   So but how did you come to this? Felt like I know, you mentioned that you were in different field before. So what did you do before?   I was in the Army as a combat medic,   so it's a good base for (edited: care field)   I got it from my mom because we were also a foster family. So on top of us seven kids from my parents, we took in 48 kids over 12 years on top of so my mom's kind of like a mother hen and she kind of just everyone comes all of our friends. My mom's your mom now. You know, that type of thing. And that's kind of where all of us all of us kids have going into some sort of care field, or building field, you know, to try and create something community connection or that type of stuff. So when I got out of the army there was, is a massive crisis in veteran mental health, massive and like, like during 2020, in the first three months of 2020, we lost triple the amount of veterans than what we did in the entire Afghan war. So in the 20 years, we're at war, just in the first three months of 2020, we lost triple that amount, in three months to suicide, from the pain from PTSD, so it's only just starting to get recognised as a disability. And there's still though the treatment for it is medication. And so then they're just still left on their own, there's still no connection, there's still no bridge there for them. Like when you join the army, you've got 12 weeks at Kapooka. And then you go and do your trade, you know, study trade and wherever you are, and then you go and do four years contract. That's a long time to dehumanise you and turn you into a soldier. But then when you get out, it's one week reintegration training, one week to learn how to be in normal civilization, human being again. So they get out and some of them have been lifers, you know, they've been in there for 30-40 years. And then all of a sudden, they've got to be in the civilian world. And it's like, you get one weight training for that. And then they left on their own. It's not as bad as what it used to be, you know, but there's still so much, so much to do. So that's where I moved into suicide prevention crisis, a crisis intervention, and I worked in that field as a volunteer from the beginning, just while my kids were little. So I was doing something still in that whole deal. Now. My boys are 15 and 13. Yeah, teenagers, teenagers. He was touching, go away for a little while. I was like, Oh, my God, I'm filing. This is so hard. And then because they dad isn't around, he probably sees the maximum four times a year. So it's, it's been just me raising these two. And I'm like, oh, you know, Moms always feel like they failing anyway. That's just how it is. But then being a single mom on top of it. And then you see like, when he little I was poor as like, he's really, really scratched things together. And still, you feel like you're not providing for them. You feel like they're missing out on everything. And, but then I look back on it now. And I go, they didn't really like when my youngest was three, my eldest was five I, because I'm ADHD. Here's another fact. I'm also ADHD. I'm very impulsive. And so I had some money come in, and it was still winter. And one of my Italian mates was snowboarding instructor in Mount below. So I booked a trip to Mount Buller for the snow for a week, just out of nowhere had no snow gear. We from Lismore, we don't get snow, and doesn't even really get that gold. So I like we've gone down to Mount Buller by train and bus because it was free for single parents pinned on the pension to throw in the state travel. So I was like, Sure, let's do that in Popsugar why not? Oh, was that it was amazing. So I look back at that now and I go, I've given my kids some pretty amazing experiences.   So this was the right impulsive decision.   Yeah, yeah, it was it was that one was, um, but they. And then my, my big boy when he was in year seven, he is in year 10 Now, I told this story last night. One of the girls in his year, she got her period and it leaked through and he took his jumper off and wrapped it around your waist sickbay and spoke to the Lady for her and said you know can you get her some pets and probably call her mum. Because so she doesn't I'm just brought here because so she doesn't get picked on. And I was just when I heard that because the teachers rang me and told me and I heard that and I was just like, Okay, I'm not doing too bad. Yeah, like I've got a a young man there who's Yes, he's had a single mom, but I think that's actually helped. Because he's, he's autistic. swirl an ADHD. And so for him to actually see that and recognise that as that he needed to, he didn't need to, he didn't have to. But he wanted to step in to help her and protect her. And because he, you know, because my boys have grown up with me who I lack of filter, my intrusive thoughts tend to not be just in here, they come out of my mouth, so and then it's, I'm as surprised as everybody else is what I'm saying. I'm like, oh, sorry, I didn't know where that came from. So for him to actually be able to step up and have that empathy in that, you know, care nature about him. I was like,   I'm doing well,   I'm not doing well, but I just say, I'm not doing too bad. I'm not I haven't failed on this one. The same in the mental health side of things, you know, cuz I always because I, I work so much like, I do like 11, half hour days, 12 out of 14 days a fortnight. running my own business. Now, I don't work for an organisation or anything. So it's all on me.   So is it your own business? Or it's your own business? So if someone wants to find you how they can find you?   Yeah, I haven't got a website yet. But we're going to be so like, I'm partnering up with one of my other friends who's a psych nurse. And we've got a team of workers already that work independently, but as a team for us. And then we're going to be the name of the crisis centre is what we're going to name the little mini NDIS organisation. So that when we get the business plan for the crisis centre through up and going, then that name can and people already know about it, and it can just transfer to the actual crisis centre them.   So the if they want to find you   My name, they will have contact like on the internet (Danica Rodwell). Yeah, well, I'm in all of my clients all support, water support coordinators, caseworkers, they've all got my number. So we get same with my friend Sophie, who's the psych nurse. She's also a Support Coordinator now and a psychosocial recovery coach. And she, yeah, everyone's ringing us every day going, do you have capacity for this? Or can you put a team together for this client and that type of stuff, which is really excited, because now it means that we can actually put people in place that have knowledge in regards to mental health care, because it's once again, it's completely different to disability care, you can be the most amazing disability worker in the world. But if you come across into the psychosocial side of things, without any prior knowledge into severe complex mental illness, then you're going to drown. Because like I was saying before, we try to teach people to remember that this entire shift that you're dealing with, this person has nothing to do with you. Yeah, you need to leave your ego, you need to leave any expectations that you have completely at the door, because you have no idea what you're working, walking into every single day. Whether they're having a good day, or whether they're having a bad day, or whether the voices are really loud, or whether the you know, whatever is happening. Because some of them have dual diagnosis is so they've got comorbidities, and then there's addiction. So self medication, all that type of stuff on top of it. So you can't come in with any expectations. And if you had a win the day before, you can't come in expecting them to do this, that when ever again, you know, it's just enjoy the win for what it is in that moment,   one day at a time.   Well, one moment at a time with mental health because it can change so quickly. You can be one minute you'll be you know, laughing your ass off with them and they're having a great old time and the next minute they're screaming at the sky, you know, and getting quite violent, verbally violent and that type of stuff. So it's, you've got to take each moment as it comes. It's a hard word it is it is hard, but I love it like I absolutely love it. And certainly one of my favourite people moan away all time favourite clients. And I've told her I said, even when I'm not your care anymore, your worker anymore. I said you and I are grown old together woman. We're going to be sitting on the front porch rocking in our chairs with our shotgun screaming to get off our grass. And she does because she's so I'm actually now   also that's the other thing is that's why this project was something that's jumped out to me because I do a lot of work in regards to women's mental health and getting recognition within the medical industry in changing diagnostic tools that they use, because there's a lot of women that have been diagnosed with some pretty heavy mental illnesses and living Knee in completely awful situations medication wise, there aren't any psychotics when actually it's a hormonal imbalance. six out of eight women have PMDD, which is premenstrual dysphoric disorder, six out of eight women, and they go undiagnosed, because they get labelled borderline personality, bipolar, severe depression, severe anxiety. You know, just, it's just your monthlies. You know, all that type of stuff, when actually, it's a severe hormonal imbalance that is causing psychosis, which they don't recognise because the majority of diagnostic tools out there are based on men. So yeah, it was on gi working really hard to actually get women's mental health recognised and getting diagnostic tools to be changed, in particular, to recognise the differences for women to men.   I had one lady who, who was just permanent psychosis, she had been, you know, wiped off she, you know, they said, This is the perfect life, she's lost her family, she lost her job, she lost everything. And they had her on every any anti psychotic under the sun you could possibly think of, she'd put on massive amounts of weight. And she was crying to this doctor saying this is not working. Like I'm not okay, this is not changing, nothing's changing, all I just feel is even worse, because now I'm fat. And the nothing's changing at the top. And he wouldn't listen to her, he was just going to add another anti psychotic to it until I actually screamed at him. Not very professional. I tend to, I tend to run by my emotions a bit much when it comes to that type of thing because of my passion towards it. And I stood up in that room and I said, you need to shut the hell up and start listening to what she's saying to you. She is telling you that there, this isn't working. So you need to go back to ground zero. And you need to start again. And you need to start doing all the blood tests, get everything sorted out and get to the bottom of what the hell's happening here. He wouldn't listen. And then, yeah, so I screamed at him to do that. And then he got all offended. And then I found a female doctor in Ballena, who's one of the most amazing female doctors I've ever dealt with. And she did all of these blood tests and scans and found out that this woman had a severe hypothyroid like off the charts. hypothyroid and so she started treating the the thyroid condition. And my client is no longer a client, she's completely stabilised and has there's no mental health repercussions, nothing anymore because now her hormones and everything that was going on chemically wise, is has started to stabilise so the hormones have all gone back to normal and she's got zero mental illness.   No hormones is always the main issue, I think with a woman's health, especially when we ageing. And so I want to move to the questions about ageing and body image issues. And as we start started talking about hormones, definitely with age, we have a shift. Not in the, like it's a shift of hormones changing in our bodies, and you know, like all sorts of changes, but what does ageing means to you? Like, what, how old are you now and at this age? What do you think about ageing?   Well, it's funny because when I when I was younger, if I looked at a 43 year old woman when I was 18 to in back when I was 18 That looks so old. And I was like oh my god imagine being that old. And now I am 43 and I have I don't feel like I look like I thought 43 would look like yeah, or feel like that old No, like it's really not out at all. Like I still feel like I'm mentally I still feel like I'm you know, in my 20s type thing, physically and it's a totally different issue, because my body is so broken. But mentally I still feel I don't feel like what I thought 43 would feel like so you know If anything, I'm wish menopause would hurry up and take over. So I, there's certain things I don't want to have to deal with anymore, which is exciting to me is not having to ever deal with, you know, you mentioned,   be careful what you wish, I'll tell you, that's not the best part.   I mean, because I'm also PMDD, which is what I was talking about before, I'm on CBD oil for it to try and help because CBD is really good for hormone stabilisation as well. And it's a natural product. So my doctor is has got me on that which has been amazing. And you know, some of the treatments for PMDD like hysterectomy, because that's how extreme the hormonal imbalance is. So having a hysterectomy and go and being put through menopause that way, is actually more stabilising for a woman. So obviously, it's different for each,   but at the moment, what do you think is ageing, but what that means to you?   um, for me, it's just more being able to just not give a crap what other people think anymore. You know, you don't go, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't think about what somebody else is going to think seeing this or don't like wearing that. Whereas, you know, when I was younger, it was always about what you chose to wear and how you chose to look was about what other people are going to perceive us. Whereas now it's, I don't care. Like I just, it's a real freedom, I feel ageing is quite free. Being able to just be whoever the hell you want to be and do whatever the hell you want to do. And if anybody thinks they have the right to have an opinion, or anything about what it is that you're doing. You just don't care. Sorry, yeah, that's a you problem. It's got nothing to do with me. So that's, that's kind of where I'm at what ageing is for me. Obviously, my insecurities. They're not coming from ageing. Like the thing, the reason why I'm doing this project isn't coming from because I'm getting old. It's because of the physical issues that I have not working within the body anymore, and learning how to embrace myself again. Because it's taken a long time to be empowered by just being me and then to have what happened happen and have that taken away. Again, it's regaining that power and control of myself again, and confidence in my body and being grateful to my body for what it has been through to still be here.   So you mentioned that you had injury that limited your mobility, and that's what you're talking about, right?   Yes. So I got injured at work. The organisation I did work for, they were terrible with paperwork, and terrible with everything in general. And they put me on with a brand new client. And her turns out that she was just straight disability, she had it, she was in a wheelchair. And I turn up and the mother leaves, and I'm left with this woman who's not mental health at all. And she's in full sound of mine, I had to lift her in and out of the wheelchair all day, every day, all day for the entire day, in and out and in and out, shower, toilet, all that type of stuff. With no lift, the house wasn't set up for wheelchair access. So that was all pokey. And you were in awkward positions when trying to lift her out and stuff. So you weren't able to do proper lifting techniques and anything like that. And so I ended up rupturing two discs in my back, which put me in hospital 11:30 That night, I called the paramedics and they came out but they couldn't give me anything being a single mum. And it was so late. Because they gave me any pain relief. I'd have to go to hospital and they couldn't take the kids with them because there was nobody looked after him. And because the medication that they were going to use was going to be quite a heavy duty pain relief, which means I wasn't going to be responsible for my children. So I was like, Okay, I'll wait until the morning and then just get through the night then I can get the kids to school and then I'll take myself to hospital. And the next morning I made it through the night just and I went to go and have a shower. I took three steps. It took nearly 45 minutes to get out. undress out of bed undressed, to go to the shower, I took three steps towards the shower and I went into full body spasm. My lungs seized up, pushed all the air out mine, everything locked up, so dropped me to the floor. So then the paramedics ended up having to come anyway, I ended up in hospital for a week and a half, and they were going to be sending me to Gold Coast to get surgery on my spine because they said, they're done, the discs are done. And there's no repairing those, but then weren't covered stepped in. And it was another 18 months before I was able to get the surgery approved. So I had 18 months worth of damage. And because the work cover was only approved for $611 a fortnight, and my rent was 680 a fortnight at the time I saw I still had to force myself to go to work to make extra money, you know, that meant crawling from the car to you know, the cameras to get some something, and then crawling back to the car and going to a client's house, doing a shift, you know, whilst being in the most excruciating pain you've ever thought of. But then because of the 18 months instability and damage caused, during that time after my surgery, which was in March, the 11th 2020. The week after my surgery, when we went home was the week Australia went into lockdown. So I went into being a tea teacher, I live at home with my two kids, and we have four new seven. And I'm going and I'm not supposed to be moving. But you know, I had to because of the kids, you know, they're both at home. Now I didn't have any recovery time properly. And because of that I've now got developed read trellis thesis, which is where the disc, the vertebra l five vertebra, is sitting in a dislocated position, which is now compressing the entire spinal column instead of just the nerves that come out of vertebra I've now got entire spinal column being compressed, which has caused drop foot and incontinence and full loss of sexual function. So I can't feel anything my saddle. And that's kind of the thing that I'm fighting at the moment in my internally is being having that had 43 and facing the rest of my life with this condition. And just, you know, realising just how much my body is going through, and has been through and then going, oh my god, I still got so much longer to live like this, to figure out how, when   if your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you tell you at this moment?   stop working. I know what to do, like I need I know I need to but just I'm in the process of doing a claim damages claims. So suing the organisation and my lawyer has told me that you know, the want the payout should hopefully be quite substantial, which means that I can then take time off work because my neurologist said that if there's a physic physical therapy rehabilitation and he said if I could do that three months intensive daily physical therapy, he goes that I have a chance of regaining some control regaining possibly feeling regaining, you know, all my continence even so, but until then I'm, my body's quite broken.   it wants you to stop   it wants me to stop, but until I can actually financially afford to because now I have a mortgage. Because you know, that's why I thought it was a good idea as a single one take on a mortgage as well. And then quit your you know, organisation and have your own business and then the mortgage is completely reliant on me working. So I'm like, Oh my God, and then having to do renovations on top of it because the house had water damage.   So you like to keep yourself busy.   I'd like to, but I feel like it's, I'm non-stop. Like I'm kind of If I, if I stop yet, then I'm afraid my body won't keep going. So I'm trying to get everything done until I can actually flop. Because even on my days off, like if my two days off a fortnight that I have, the first day is usually spent in bed, like I, my body knows that I don't have to get up. And so it just won't move.   At least you let yourself rest on your days off   I don't really have a choice. But because of also my work ethic and my passion towards my clients. On my, what is supposed to be my days off is some another worker calls in an in the group chat and they're trying to get their shift filled. And I wait and wait. And I'm like, come on somebody else pick up the shift because it's not like retail, it's not like, Okay, we just closed down that counter for the day or would that just won't get packed away for those people's lives, especially in mental health, complex mental health, if they don't have the support that contact that can be enough to trigger a massive episode and put them back in hospital. So I'm like, Come on people, you know, someone put their hand up and no one puts their hand up. So I'm like, Ah, I'll do it.   So you're more focused on others than on yourself. And that's why your body say just please give me a rest.   And I know that if I, if I do too much focus on myself, I won't be able to move for a while. And I can't afford to not, I'm going to mortgage I got two kids, I've got a business I've got you know, all these type of things fun. Anybody who said money can't buy happiness clearly hasn't been broke in their life. Because having money and being comfortable with money will make a huge freakin difference in you know, being able to actually gives you comfortable life, yeah, and freedom to be able to go, Hey, I'm feeling like crap at the moment, I need to take care of myself, I'm gonna go away to a retreat for four days, you know, I can't do that. I don't have that option. As like, even when my kids sick, you know, I don't have I go I'm lucky my brother is here at the moment. And my parents have been phenomenal in helping me raise my children. But I'm one of the lucky single moms that have an amazing family and amazing friends. So my best friend who's here with me today who came to support who's my support person for the day. She's been a pivotal reason as to why I'm actually in a position that I'm in now. Because when my injury happened, like I said, I was only getting $611 a fortnight when my rent was 680 So she financially propped me in the boys out for three years. And just, you know, like Christmas time, I had zero money. And so she would put just transfer, you know, two grand in my account. And that way I was able to be Santa Claus for the kids and, and managed to give them a childhood still, even though I was in such a terrible way. So like Casey and her husband, Gary have been pivotal in me being able to achieve my dream in my career and my field and what we're building for the community and you know, that type of stuff. Without her without my family and my close friends I wouldn't be where I am today to be able to do what I'm doing. I've wouldn't made it through with this injury, to be honest, I wouldn't have made it through.   It's amazing to have friends like that.   And it's and that's the other thing as a woman because I never fit it in when I was little when I was younger. I always was on the outside looking in I never really had a good group of girlfriends. I was always like I could bounce from group to group to group to group to group and not actually really fit in with anybody. But I also didn't want to because I found that being around a group of girls was just awful. Like it was there was so much pitching and competition and that's the other thing about with like you asked about what's the, you know, what do I think ageing, Will? It's now you know, not seeing Women as competition, I see them as amazing, beautiful. Frickin hardcore creatures that we should be lifting each other's strengths. There's that woman walking down the street with the most longest beautiful legs looks like a supermodel. And instead of going on, it's all fake. Like a lot of women turn around and do all your stupid bitch or something like that. Look at her and go Holy shit, you're stunning, and actually telling her, you know, just little things like that and lifting up like, I go out of my way when I see especially when it's a pregnant woman who just looks like she's ready to just curl up and disappear forever. And telling her how incredibly gorgeous she looks right now. You know, like that you're, you're carrying beautifully, even if I know she looks absolutely exhausted, but actually going out of my way to tell

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Renae, her challenges while bringing up 3 special needs children, and the main causes of body image issues. Also, we discuss what aging means to her and to her body. ----more---- 10 Facts About Renae (at the time of the project) 54 years old.Renae has been living on the Central Coast since she was 18 months old.Renae met her husband when she was 17 and has been married for 34 years since she was 20. She has never really experienced what it's like to go out and do that kind of thing.Renae has three beautiful sons who are special needs. So they occupy a lot of her time.Renae did not travel much as it was quite challenging with three special needs children.Renae was out of the workforce for 20 years and looked after her kids. Now she works part-time for the government.Work helps Renae to contribute to the community and at the same time to have her own money she can spend on taking care of herself.Renae has a beautiful and very naughty Beagle dog named Micah. She calls him a comfort dog because he comforts her all the time.She does not have a favourite cousin, but Cheesecake is Renae’s favourite thing to cook.Renae does not think about aging too much but is worried about who is going to take care of her boys if she cannot.----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   It just helps me put one step foot in front of the other and I've had a lot of obstacles. And that has just gotten me through. So that's me. And every time I thought about, is this something.. that question, that is the one that just keeps coming ringing through to me. And I think that's me. That's who I am.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hi, everyone, and welcome to the My Body, My Story project. And today with us in the studio, Renae and while she's sitting in the makeup chair, and Bella is creating her magic I'll be interviewing Renee and asking her a few questions. Morning, Rene, welcome to the studio.   Morning.   Let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Okay. I am married. I have three beautiful sons who are special needs. So they occupy a lot of my time. I work part time. And I've been married since I was 20. Oh, yeah.   Now you're   now I'm 54. So it's like 34 years. He's married again. And I met my husband. I was 17. So I haven't really been on the market very long. So I never haven't really, really experienced what it's like to go out and do that kind of thing. You know what I mean? What else? What else?   So where were you said you work part time?   I work for the government. And I can't really say what position were in the government. But I do work a government position. And we live on the Central Coast. And I have a beautiful Beagle dog named Micah. Call him a comfort dog because he comforts me all the time. That's a very, very naughty beagel. Yeah, very naughty dog. Yeah, yeah. And I live on the Central Coast. Now. I've grew up there. Actually, my parents moved there when I was 18 months old. And yes, I'm a Coastie by heart. And I did move away when I met my husband. I moved away to the city to live with my husband for a little bit, a couple of years. And then we came back, we bought a house, which was really when he bought it, we got a mortgage and whatever paid it off, that was tough. I had my first child when I was 23. And so we pretty much heads down, thumbs up, working hard, taking care of a child. And then let's see sort of went back to work when he was about six months. And then kind of discovered that he was special needs. And then second one came along and then kind of realised that I couldn't really commit to working and taking care of two children and one with a special needs because it required a lot of appointments and time for him. And so I left the workforce for about 20 years. I was gonna go back to the workforce with when they were all but I had a third child by then I was going to go back to the workforce, but then my second child got type one diabetes, and he got quite ill and he died and I couldn't go back to the workforce. So that's why I was out of the workforce for 20 years. I've only been back in the workforce for about five years. And that was really challenging going back into the workforce after not being in the workforce for such a long time.   But do you enjoy working?   Yeah, I do. I like the challenge of working I like what I'm mostly like, I didn't even think I could it was so hard. I didn't think I could do it but they took me on, especially a government role and I just like being with people and being because I felt so isolated for so long being at home with children, and not really being in the community that much. And especially with special needs kids very hard. Yeah, I enjoyed going back and being part of a work community. So that was really good.   So did you have any chance to travel at all during your..   No, it's very hard to travel with kids, you know, on the spectrum. So it requires a lot of coordination and getting people to come and support you. So we just didn't, we didn't know how to organise that. When my first son was diagnosed with it, there wasn't a lot of support, there wasn't a lot around, it wasn't really known that well. And it just was really, really hard. And so we didn't really know where to go, or it was new to me, I didn't know what to do.   So it was quite challenging, very challenging.   I felt very isolated.   But now probably there are a lot of support centres   so much support so much to talk about it. And, you know, people know a lot more people know about, but that's their autism and stuff like that. Now, that, you know, and that's great. It's grateful for the people having that I'm dealing with that now. But when I was dealing with it, it just wasn't. There wasn't that much of it around to help. And, and people didn't treat. Didn't understand it. So you would go out in the community, and we would just didn't understand your child and it was just too hard. So   So do you feel that it affected somehow, your child, or?   oh, he had, my first son was my first child is was is quite autistic. And he was exhausting. Like he was very challenged at school, he was bullied. It was very hard for him. He obviously didn't had to go. He went to mainstream school, we couldn't get him into a special needs school. There was just all the places were always taken. We just couldn't get him in. So we went to mainstream school with support. And that was very challenging for him. He couldn't do, he was in a mainstream class with support. And that was hard for him. And he did the best he could. He actually was super smart in some areas, like, you know, in maths and stuff like that, but was reading and things like that. He just couldn't keep up with his English. And then my second one came along, and I thought he was all good and fine, until he hit school. And oh, Molly, he just did not COVID School at all. And he was running out of class and doing all sorts of stuff like that. And that just went on and on and on. Right up through to high school. So much challenging him, he just did not cope in school. And it took us a while to realise Yes, he has issues too. In the in the phsa. Yes, he has autism as well. And I just My heart sank and I thought another one kind of didn't want to face that one. But I did eventually have no choice. Yeah.   And then what made you start looking for a job after so many years?   I don't know. I just wanted to contribute. I wanted to I wanted to stop earning my own money a bit too. Like, I didn't, I was living. I was supported by my husband. But I felt like I wanted my own. I wanted to feel independent myself. So I wanted my own form of income. And it was heavy for me to do that, too. So that's one of the reasons and yes, and the other reason obviously wanted to get out and to be independently independent, be part of the computing community and do something with myself. Because I was a bit tired of just be going home and   yeah, it's a hard job to be a full time mum.   Yeah. Kids were getting older and Well, they were all, you know, at the point where they're in, almost finished high school.   Do they live with you still with you?   oh, no, I have two of them live in a house. That 20 minutes away from me. And they're supported in that house. And one of them the oldest one that's got the higher needs. He still lives with me, but we're looking at. He's keen to go and live in a supported independent living situation. So we're looking at, and we've put an application into the NDIS. To to get him into that situation. So we're moving in that direction for him. So like, Yeah, so like we haven't.   So you have more free time?   Yeah. Yeah. At the moment, yeah.   So what's your.. let's try to get to 10 facts about you. What's your favourite cuisine? Or what do you like to eat or cook? Do you cook or you prefer not to cook?   Cook. But my favourite thing to cook is cheesecake.   Cheesecake. You can make it yourself. Yeah,   I make a lot. When I do cook, and I cook. You know, the Christmas for Christmas. My contribution usually the cheesecake. So yeah, love to cook.   But what's your favourite cuisine do go out, eat out.   I don't really have a favourite cuisine.   You like everything?   Yes,   good. You don't have any problems if you need. If you go somewhere you can eat anything.   Well, I'm gluten intolerant and lactose intolerant. So that's a bit of a challenge. But there's lots of places that comedy Yeah, nowadays. So yeah, pretty good. Pretty good.   Okay, so let's move to the ageing questions. And my question is What does ageing means? mean to you? At this age at the moment,   um, I don't currently ponder on it too much. I don't think about ageing too much. The only aspect that really concerns me is because I'm a mom of special needs. Boys. My concern mostly is that because I'm getting older that at some point, I need them to be taken care of if I can't. So when I get to a point where I can't take care of them, I, that's my worry. As I've turned in terms of age, like my body's getting older, I'm getting older and tired.   So you're looking at the ageing through the lens of a mom that won't be able to take care of kids when you're away?   yeah, you know, like, Who will take care of them. And when I'm gone sort of thing. Make sure they're okay.   So you don't feel like something changing and you and it's bothering you.   Like my body? You mean by my like anything?   Yeah, we will move to the body questions. But like with age, sometimes women say oh, wow, I realise that I'm changing. Or my body's changing, or like, I don't know, my attitudes changing. And I feel the age kicking in?   Yeah, well, yeah, I do. I feel tired and, and   a bit faster than you used to,   I can't, I can't walk. I can't obviously do as much as I used to, but I am a bit limited to because I had an I had a procedure done back in 2015. And I'm in currently in a medical negligence case, my own personal one, and it's limited my physical abilities. So that makes me feel old. That has limited me.   I noticed that we all feel older when we don't feel well.   Yeah, when I can't achieve what I want to achieve. And when I look at others who can do what I would like to do, and I miss the things that I could do, like riding horses and I used to do miss muddy, and, you know, bootcamp and things like that. And do you   Did you ride horses ?   A long time ago, and but it makes you miss the things that you used to be able to do?   Yeah, so ageing, in your definition is when you start feeling that you cannot do it. Once you could before   Yeah, yeah.   Okay, and talking about body what do you think your body could ask you or tell you if it could talk?   I was thinking about this on the way on in the train and thinking what my body tells me what my body asked me. My body would tell me it's okay to be happy. Your body is okay. If you tell me I like you. I like you the way you are. It's okay. So, not everybody has to like you. You don't have to wear if you don't have to wear nice clothes all the time. You don't have to look pretty all the time. It's okay to rest occasionally, you don't have to take care of everybody all the time. You know?   What do you think are the main causes of body image issues? Like we you mentioned that you don't need to dress great all the time, you don't need to worry about all the time. So what do you think causes those body image issues?   Well, you have probably heard many times that it's the media and it's, you know, that that's obvious, but I related in relation to myself, and how it affects me. And I know that when I get on the phone, and I'm looking at now I get email sent to me because I you know, I'm a joint this, I've joined glasses or I've gone joined, you know, various clothing companies. And I'll get their emails and I'll see clothing that I like, and I want to wear and I think Oh, but that's for a young girl, maybe I shouldn't wear that. So that influences me, I'm more influenced by what people are wearing. Like when I was younger, like when I was growing up I had I didn't have I wasn't chubby or I wasn't I didn't have a weight issue. And I didn't even think about my weight until I had my children. And then I had a weight issue. Then I started thinking about my weight down I struggled with clothing and diets and how I looked in clothing and I didn't like the way I looked in clothing. So my whole focus for me was how I looked in clothing. And I think that stemmed from when I was younger because growing up we didn't have a lot in my head I had me down so much for my sister. So I didn't get much in the way new codes. So I was always thinking that I never was good enough unless I had the right clothing on.   So where did you get this idea from? Was it like when you were a little girl? Your mom would dress you..   You never know she didn't have and I don't blame her but we didn't have the money to you know wear nice clothes. I had a friend who whose mom always dressed her pretty nice and light. And I always had my sister's hand me downs. I never had anything new. And that's not her fault. She just didn't have a lot of money. My family didn't have a lot of money. We only lived on one income a lot of families did back then. It's not like that wasn't unusual. Like I grew up I grew up in a typical Australian household.   you have a sister   and a brother. Yeah. And occasionally I got something new but not   all the time. Yeah.   are you younger?   Yeah. I'm younger. Yeah. So yeah, that's why I got him down. And I always felt like I looked like a boy. Because mum kept my hair short and tidy. Until I insisted on going long because I felt like a boy but yeah, I got like this idea that if I wore the right clothes, in many I might be accepted into with my peers. Because I was a bit of a quiet wallflower growing up a bit of an introvert. More of an extrovert now though, kind of got over that. But yeah, so what's had this idea in my head that if I wear the right clothes, and have the right styles that I might be more acceptable.   interesting   that's always been My concept of the influence of media and everything. And I think that the young girls, they, I think they get the idea too, that you got to like with fashion or so you got to have the latest and the greatest to feel right and fit in. And sometimes I look at some of the girls walking along the streets and they got, and they got the right fashions, but it doesn't look right on them. You know, but they feel comfortable in whatever they're comfortable in.   So but how do you think this negative body image can affect? Any relationships?   In relationships? Yeah. Quite a lot. Really. I remember when I, at the times when I was at my chubbiest, I didn't want my husband to see me like that. I wouldn't get undressed in front of him. Stuff like that. And I've known him for 34 years. He has known every part of me and but I still wouldn't feel comfortable about it. You know? So yeah, and he's still, when I first met him, he was uncomfortable. In certain ways, in front of me. So it does, it does impact you.   Do you think that relationships? It affects it?   well, yeah. Because you're focused on that. You're not having the 100%. Best of the relationship in when I say that, I mean, in bedroom? And because you have it you're focused on you don't relax. That's what you focused on. All this? Is either better or whatever. But yes. There Yeah, me really who? I mean, around tech entrepreneur, respective someone who's been married for 30 years. I don't know what it what it might be like, if you're dating or anything like that, because I've never done that.   But you have definitely dated. Because when you were 17. Then that time you felt yourself beautiful?   No, I was very awkward and didn't, I've never felt like I am beautiful. And people say I've said you're beautiful, but I don't believe them. I don't believe that I'm beautiful. My husband says I'm beautiful. But I don't believe he I don't believe what He says. But I don't believe that I'm beautiful. And this is a concept I cannot get in my head that I am beautiful.   So it's just I think maybe you need to change the definition of beautiful, beautiful.   People say, Oh, you've got inner beauty. And when you're   in the beauty Yeah, no, I don't have inner beauty. I have outer beauty.   But your beauty radiates within.   You know, for me, it sounds like a bad thing when people say Oh, but you have your ugly, but inside you will be   Well, you've been rattling in the beauty. You know? I always say Oh, you have inner beauty as well. Yeah, that sounds a bit different.   Well, yeah. So how do you overcome this body related insecurities when they come up? What's your go to methods?   I really don't know, I probably just try and put it out of my head and think of other things or try to cover it up. Because my biggest issue is my skin. I don't like my skin. So I try to wear clothes that do not reveal too much of that. So consequently, going to the beach is a tough one. Which is not a bad thing, because I do suffer with skin. Skin cancers on my face and things like that. So I'm an advocate for not, you know, then we still burn to a crisp in the sun. So I kind of you can cover yourself to it as much as you can on on the beach. Like, if you can, but you still gotta go and have a swim. So yeah,   so you just either ignore it or you hide it.   Yeah, yes, I ignore it.   Well, it's a good approach.   Maybe have a glass of wine. Pretend it's not.   Gosh. So you think that with age it didn't change like you still? Because some women say okay with age. I don't care.   I mean, yeah, I am getting it to that point where like, I just don't care anymore. I really don't care anymore. I'm not about I'm not that worried about it anymore. That's true. That's probably more the truth. I don't I'm not that worried about it anymore.   That's a good part of getting older.   Yeah. Especially with being married as long as I have, I don't have to worry about it that much anymore. But I mean, that doesn't mean to say that I still don't want to feel take care of myself and still feel beautiful, beautiful and good about myself. Yeah, no, no, I don't want to let like, I've always had this feeling inside of myself all these ideas on myself. I don't want to let myself go. You know that saying, Don't let yourself go. Yeah, I don't want to let myself go. Not quite, you know, little or go that kind of thing. So I always want to   you still want to maintain like, a certain level of to look after yourself?   Yeah, look after myself, is what I mean. Yeah. To have a manicure pedicure. Yeah, I've just been doing that a bit more in a lot. Since I started working. I started looking at myself and started to take care of myself a bit more, because I got my own money, I started to think, you know, maybe it's maybe it's time I started looking after myself a bit more, and doing a bit more few more things, to make myself feel a bit better and happier. So about myself, so and that makes me happy. And one of my, one of my one things that I do for myself is get myself a manicure. So that's one trade to do for myself. So in my best. So, yeah, so that so that's something I've been doing since I've gotten older and started working again.   So my last question is, what is your favourite quote or saying about being a woman? Or maybe your own thoughts?   Well, it's not about it's not saying necessarily be about being a woman. But I am a Christian, I'm a woman of faith. And there is this one scripture that has travelled with me most of my life. And, and it's Philippians 413. And if I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me, and that has travelled with me through my whole life, because it just helps me put one step foot in front the other and I've had a lot of obstacles. And that has just gotten me through. So that's, that's me. That's my in every time I thought about, is there something that that question? That is the one that just keeps coming, ringing true through to me, and I think that's mine. That's me. That's who I am. So that's it.   Excellent. Thank you, Renee, thank you very much for sharing your story. I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day in your photo shoot, and you will feel beautiful.   Thank you. Thank you for your time.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about a crime writer Anastasia Tyler and the story behind her first crime novel. We also talk about aging and the main causes of body image issues, how they come up and how she overcomes them.   10 Facts About Anastasia (at the time of the project) 53 years old.Anastasia was born in Canada. She grew up in England and moved to Australia when she was 15.But Anastasia is actually a seventh-generation Australian. She comes from convict stock. Her great great, great grandfather stole a pocket watch from somebody in London and got caught. He was sent to Australia for a term of seven years but never went back.Anastasia was married twice and has one daughter, she's 25. She just took her for her 25th birthday on a safari to South Africa.Anastasia has lived in lots of different places in Darwin, North Queensland, Brisbane, Tasmania, Sydney, the country, New South Wales, and Abu DhabiAnastasia has lived off the grid for a year at the Sydney skydiving Centre at the bottom of the cross strip with no power and no water.Anastasia is a Hansard Editor at the Parliament House.Anastasia has just recently had her debut crime novel published. And she’s just been on the road for about two weeks for her promotional tour. The name of the book is Survival Mode.Apart from writing the novel, Anastasia has also written quite a few short stories and nonfiction.In 2016, Anastasia was diagnosed with breast cancer. And that's one of the things that sort of propelled her to finish writing her book and do lots of other things that she really wanted to do.----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   It all starts with what's going on in your head. Attitude is everything. And that's true, not just of how we regard ourselves physically, but emotionally what you can what you say you can and can't do.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the My Body, My Story projects and today with us in the studio Anastasia. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, and Bella is creating her magic and doing makeup, I'll be asking her a few question. Morning, Anastasia.   Good morning.   Welcome to the studio. Welcome to the project. Thank you. And let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Okay, so I'm going to start from here and kind of work backwards. So this actual experience is something I've been wanting to do for decades. But you know how the universe sometimes just wait makes you wait for things until it's the right time? Well, this is the right time. So yesterday, I got my divorce through which there's a story back there as well. So I've just recently had my first my debut crime novel published. And I'm actually on a promotional tour. And I've just been on the road for about two weeks travelling around doing launches and that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah. But it's been, like exhilarating and exhausting at the same time. But the book itself, you know, almost didn't come to be because although I'd been writing it, and editing, editing it for quite some time. And I thought my husband was quite supportive. One night, he turned to me, and in an hour and a half long tirade told me that he'd hoped that I'd never had my book published, because you know why? Because you're a wanker, and it went on like that for like an hour and a half. And it kind of took that to the penny to drop that, you know, he probably wasn't the guy that I thought I married. And so girls, what do you do you walk your finances out the door, right? So I did, and I left, I packed a suitcase, I left in the dead of night, and I moved states, I've changed careers. But I kept editing and pitching. And about three months after I left, I got a book deal. So you know, sometimes things happen in a way that isn't necessarily very pretty. But this journey has probably been far more empowering, because it's been my journey and only mine. Then if I had a man holding me too tight, do you know what I mean? So that's kind of like, the nutshell.   Other things about me? Okay, so one of my big things is that I feel like I'm living on borrowed time, and making up for lost time. Because in 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And that's one of the things that sort of propelled me to finish writing that book, and do lots of other things that I really wanted to do. And again, it's a blessing in disguise, because had I not had that wake up call. And if I hadn't sort of created that fire in my belly, I would not have done half the things that I've, I've done and that make me feel really proud about where I'm at now. So they're the most recent things.   A few other things. I have one daughter, she's 25 I just took her for her 25th birthday on safari to South Africa which is another you know, one of those things that I just wouldn't have done previously. I was dragged around rather than brought up I'm, I was born in Canada. I grew up in England, I moved to Australia in when I was 15. Moved to Darwin. Since then I've lived in lots of different places in Darwin, but North Queensland, Brisbane, Tasmania, Sydney, country, New South Wales, I've lived off grid for a year at Sydney skydiving Centre at the bottom of the cross strip there with no power, no water there things. So that was the first husband, I'm not very good at men. And so yeah, I've just I just, I spent three years, two or three years, travelling constantly house sitting around Australia and the world. Apart from writing the novel, I've also written quite a few short stories and nonfiction. I started a travel writing thing before, just before COVID hit, which was not good timing, but that's alright. And sort of, well, I can keep going.   Yes, yeah. Keep going. It's interesting.   All right. So I was sent to boarding school when I was nine years old. And that forms part of the basis of the background to the story of, of the crime novel. And it was more Jane Eyre than Mallory towers. And writing the novel kind of made me feel I was angry when I started. Basically, I was angry with my mother, she'd recently died. And I hadn't sort of had that conversation with her. So it was very much a little bit of a therapy thing. writing it, but you know, I've forgiven everyone, including myself now. So that's all which is the most important thing, isn't it? Yes. Especially ourselves, we are often the last to forgive ourselves. Which is a shame. But yes, so that's, that's, this is where I am now.   So what did you do before writing? You said you change career   I was a high school teacher for 15 years. I taught in Darwin and Queensland and ICT and overseas in Abu Dhabi three years. Well, yeah, that was pretty interesting.   I lived in Dubai for 13 years.   My goodness, oh, you know about it. And, yeah, so now I'm an I'm an editor at hand side of Parliament House, which is a little bit of a little bit of a game change. But being in there in question time, it says not that dissimilar to, you know, year 10 on a Friday afternoon.   So, if someone wants to read your book, is it one book published?   Yeah.   So if someone wants to read it, find it, buy it where they can do it?   The name of the book is Survival Mode.   Survival Mode.   Yeah. And it's written under Anastasia Taylor, and it's available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble. You know, you just Google that comes up every week comes up everywhere.   I'm looking forward to read it.   But I've been really surprised by it. Like I said, I've been going around. It's been on the market since the end of July. And I've had really good feedback. Love people said that they've picked it up and just, like read it in two sittings, which is does wonderful things to my heart to hear that. Yeah. So.   So how do you market yourself as a Canadian author or Australian?   Australian. I lived to Canada when I was two. So okay, so I haven't been back yet. But I would like to. And yeah, and my strip. So I'm actually seventh generation Australian. I come from convict stock. My great great, great grandfather was sent out here. He got caught. He stole a pocket watch pickpocketed a pocket watch off somebody in London. And he was sent, you know, for the term? Well for seven years, but who? They never went back, did they?   How come you were born in Canada?   because my mother is quite an intrepid person. She was the first she was the first person first woman from her town to go to university. And it caused quite a stir at the time and people would stop her father in the streets and say why are you why are you sending a woman to a girl to university it's just a waste of money. She's just going to go off and have babies and blah blah, blah. Anyway, she she went to university she went to University of Queensland she was the first female debating coat debating I call the leader of the debating team. And she decided that she wanted to go to Canada. And so when my, my, my, when my father proposed, she said, that's fine, but you'll just have to follow. So, so he did. And they spent five years there. And I was born.   So it was just a trip there.   yeah.   Okay, perfect, interesting, interesting story. So, let's move to the ageing and body image questions. Yep. And what does ageing means to you? So how old are you now? And what does it mean to you?   I'm 53. At the moment, yeah. It's a mixed bag. Really, I love in some respects, it's the best age ever, because you have got so many bags of wisdom and experience and you know, you know that you can do stuff, because you've been there yet. So that that sort of self doubt. While it's still there a little bit is far less than it was when you're in your 20s and 30s, and even 40s. So there's that positive side to it. But there's the the opposite, which is, you know, that they say there's nothing more invisible than a middle aged woman. And that scares the bejesus out of me that I'm just not ready. I will, you know, to be invisible. There's that Dylan Thomas poem, do not go gentle into that good night. rage, rage against the dying of the light. And that's kind of how I feel. Yeah.   I heard from quite a few women saying that they feel invisible. But I think that with your new book, and hopefully, more to come, yeah. You already gave yourself a deal against Yeah, I guess being invisible.   I'm doing everything I can. I'm trying everything I got at it. Absolutely.   So if your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you or tell you?   It would say: “Why do you hate me?” No, sometimes it would say that. But no, my body's been through an awful lot with breast cancer and ectopic pregnancy and reconstruction surgery and, you know, whatever else. I think I think my body would say that it's a metaphor for the resilience of My Spirit. Because not only has have I been through a lot physically, and, you know, regenerated kept regeneration going. That is also I believe, I feel true of my emotional self as well. In fact, Anastasia means it's, it's the Greek for resurrection. Yeah. So I think, I think maybe, I don't know if I was, if knowing that has helped me with resilience, or whether, because you know, whether it's the chicken or the egg, whether because I was named that I'm more likely to be that. I don't know, but I feel pretty. Not much keeps me down. And if it does, I'm not there for long.   You can pick yourself up and   yeah, I allow myself to have downtime. So, you know, you've got to reflect and learn from experiences, but get back on that horse.   But what do you think are the main reasons or main causes or body image issues we all experience? Some people experience all the time others from time to time.   Yeah. gendered expectations and dangerous assumptions are big ones. So, but I think the biggest one for us individually is, what's going on in our head and how we talk to ourselves and how we place ourselves in the world. And we are our worst critics when we should be our greatest champions. And like, as you know, as I said, there's nothing more invisible than a middle aged woman. We take We tend to take that mantle of, of middle aged and we read stuff, what that means into it. And we carry that and we become that. But if you if that doesn't fit for you will insist that you just make up your own rules and you decide what you are and what, what you carry and what you give to the world. Because one thing I've learned is that if we're not kind to ourselves, we don't treat ourselves right. If we don't just treat ourselves, no one else is going to, and nor should know, should they it's not their responsibility, our happiness, happiness is not somebody else's responsibility, as neither is somebody else's happiness, our responsibility. I think we pet we spend too much time trying to make other people happy.   It's interesting. You're one of the very few participants who started with the self-reflection answering this question not like, usually the answer is it's the media was the reason for body insecurities and you started with it's all within us. And I actually agree with you. Like, the media is just a trigger for the insecurities we haven't seen.   And I guess the media is kind of what I'm thinking of when I talk about gendered expectations and dangerous assumptions assumptions about just because you've got that number next to you that this is what you're necessarily what you necessarily are, or should be. And it's just a load of bullcrap.   We should all have biological age, in our past.   Yes, yeah.   So how do you think it can affect the negative body image can affect any relationship like, personnel, co workers, friends,   It all starts with what's going on in your head. Attitude is everything. And that that's true, not just of how we regard ourselves physically, but emotionally, what you can what you say you can and can't do, but also. Well, every aspect of ourselves is it starts with how you think about yourself and your attitude towards yourself in the world and where you lead, you see your place in that, and everything flows from that. So I'm going to the how that knocks on to every other aspect of our lives. I think it absolutely does. Because if you if you have that negative self-talk, whatever it it's bound to, and you you, you didn't you diminish yourself, and the possibilities of what you can do, just because you think you can't. And I think we've all been there at one point or another more than once. Yeah.   Should you believe we can have limitations in inside our heads? Like everything is possible if we take right attitude?   Potentially? Yeah, I mean, obviously, that there's, you have to be a bit realistic about things like I'm not going to become a brain surgeon. But but you know, absolutely, yes. Yes, you can, you can achieve a lot more than you think you can. You just got to take that leap of faith.   So if you have any, from time to time, how do you overcome your body related insecurities? What's the go to method and also continuing this question? Has it change with age? Did you have different methods when you were younger? Comparing to now.   Yeah, when you look back in the year, you didn't realise just how fabulous you would be until you got to go out that couldn't miss that opportunity. More of that. But yeah, now I, I felt because of the reconstruction, I've got scars, and when I first when I left my husband and I started dating, I had my breasts reconstructed, but there was no nipple. So that was a bit weird. So like the bra had to stay on but this self-taught so I learned a lot about self-acceptance through that. I was being driven by a, I don't know there's only one way to put it like just an overwhelming urge to chase men basically, because it's been such a long and not very fulfilling relationship. So I, I just kind of told her to shut up. And let me get along, do the things that I knew I had to do. And then then I guess I turned to validation to from others. So if I was desirable with these scars and shortcomings as it were, then maybe there was something worthwhile about me. But since then, I've gone a step further, I guess now, and I understand that it doesn't really matter what they think, or whatever it's about how I feel. That's, that's the most important thing. So you know, I'm making friends with carbs again. And things like that.   You can afford it, you look really great.   I lost like 12 kilos, since I left. So in the last year, in that kind of light, looking for validation from other places, rather than from within, but I'm much happier within now. So yeah, so it's all the time. We're talking about turning inwards rather than outwards sales.   So looking inside yourself and finding strength inside yourself.   Yeah, and validation. And Sophia, Lorraine said, sex appeal is 90% what they think you've got, and 10% What you've actually got. So again, it's about sort of just, I don't say performing, but knowing your worth, and that that oozes out. Yeah, if you like, yeah.   Nicely said. My last question, and I love it, because we have so many different answers to that. What is your favourite saying, or quote about being a woman or maybe your own thoughts?   Now I've got my favourite one at the minute because they, you know, they change but Calamity Jane, she said, I figure if a girl wants to go ahead wants to be a legend, she should just go ahead and be one like that. I did have a calendar for my daughter with that as the thing with a lot of photos of, you know, the inspirational women that in our family. And yeah, they'll just and I have that above my desk, and it resonates.   Excellent. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and your story and I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day. I wish you all the luck with your book, and hopefully it will become a best seller and you will do many more and it will fulfil you with your inner joy and you will not need any validation from anyone.   Thank you.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com     ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE. ----more---- For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Jodie, what age she would like to go back to, and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body. ----more---- 10 Facts About Jodie (at the time of the project) 51 years old.Jodie just got married again after 26 years of being single. She met her husband in Fiji. He is Jodie’s soul mate. Also, Jodie believes that being related does not make you family. Anyone can choose their family and she does.Jodie was born in Camperdown and grew up around Enmore / Newtown.Jodie had a business called She Devilz. It was an adult toy and lingerie party plan. She also owned a truck relocation company.Jodie’s favourite colour is Purple.Her favourite author is Stephen King.Jodie is a mother of two boys and loves being a mum, but her kids grew up way too quickly. One is 29 and another is 32 now. She wanted more kids, but it wasn’t meant to be.Jodie has 11 tattoos.Jodie is a disability support worker and loves it. It is so rewarding and makes her very grateful and humbled by what she has in her life.Jodie just had bowel cancer. When she turned 50 last year and got the free kit that the government gives you, she did it and sent it away. They found a cancer which was a shock because she had no symptoms whatsoever. Jodie had an operation, but still undergoing chemotherapy.----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   Just love who you are, love what you've got and just not care what the next person has because they could say chances are, they don't like what they've got.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the My Body, My Story project. And today with us Jodie in the studio. And while she she's sitting in the makeup chair, and Bella is creating her magic I'll be asking Jodie questions. And let's start. Hi, Jodie, and welcome to the studio. Welcome to the project and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Okay, thanks for having me here today. I got married last year at 49 After being single for 26 years. Wow. I'm a mother of two boys. One's 29 and one's 32. I love to cross stitch. I'm a disability support worker. I love my job. It's very rewarding and very humbling. I've got Petra Angeles. What else can I tell you? I love the colour purple, obviously. And I want to travel more. I want to travel a lot more. I haven't been to very many places. So far. Fiji is my favourite place. It is where I met my husband. So it is it's one of my favourite places. And I'm just recovering from bowel cancer.   Oh, wow. So you mentioned before we started the interview that you discover it by chance, so you didn't even expect it?   No, not at all. I turned 50 last year and got the free kit that the government gives you. And I did the testing centre away and they sent me off to have the colonoscopy and yeah, they found a cancer which was a shock because I have no symptoms whatsoever, like nothing so but I've had the operation that's been removed. And unfortunately, they found it in one of my lymph nodes. So I start chemo next Monday.   So it's a great time to do a shoot today and to share the story. And I was going to ask you if you were born in Australia, Sydney?   Sydney Camperdown   so all your life you've been here.   Yep, yep, born and bred in the Enmore Newtown area. And then I moved out to the Campbelltown area when I got old enough and brave enough it was very rural back then. Moved to Queensland for 18 months, didn't like it very much and moved back and I'm still in Campbelltown but it's very hustle and bustle now. There's hardly any farms anymore. It's, it's just being built up around us. It's crazy.   So you said your favourite places is Fiji and what other places you’ve travelled to?   Overseas wise, I've only been to Vegas, which is as crazy as you see it in the movies. Yeah, Vegas in daytime is very different to Vegas at nighttime. And it was funny because me and my friend went there. And when on the plane, people asking us what casino you're going to first we're gonna gamble. It's like, oh, we're not here to gamble. We've got shows booked and they looked at us like we were just strange.   So but what shows Did you see there?   The sole reason that we went over there was to see Reba McIntyre and Brooks and Dan at the Coliseum. And, and then we had there was human nature we're playing at the time and one of my friends is actually cousins with one of the guys there so he got us tickets for that. And then we went to a crazy very bizarre but so wonderful show called Zumanity was like a adult version of like that Cirque de circlet or however you say it, it was kind of like that, but just a bit more on the adult side of things. But it was it was done so well. It was just amazing. And we went to the Titanic exhibition over there as well. In the in the Luxor. So that was very surreal. Because the way they set that up, you know, when you walk in, they give you a date, like, they hand out all these cards, and you can pick one. And the card is someone who was actually on the Titanic and you become that person while you're going through the exhibition. And tells you who you are, who travelling with you, why you were travelling, with what class you were travelling in, whether you were staff or a passenger, whether you're rich or poor. And then at the end, you come to a wall that's got all the names, and it tells you whether you lived or died.   Oh my god, what an experience it was.   it was Yeah,   So, you didn't travel much but you travelled really like not quantity but quality.   Yeah, yeah. Me and my friend used to travel like twice a year, and we've done a lot we do a lot of Queensland, Coffs Harbour, Port Macquarie, Melbourne, Ballarat, we lived in a plains, the snow mountains at dinner plains, Mount Hotham. And then we've, up until COVID, I was going to Fiji two, three times a year as well, because I've got some friends and God children over there. And then as I said, it's where I met my husband. So he's been over here since 2019. Now so finally. Yeah.   But he's now with you in Sydney.   Yeah,   So do you dive as well?   No, I've never been a scuba diver. I'm not a real lover of water. I love being around water, and on the water, but I'm not a real consumer. See, you know, he said, he'll take me one day. But we'll see how that goes. Because he's, he's over at now. He's been there and accomplished everything that he wanted to do. And he actually got an award not long after he came over here for being 25 years with the company that he's been diving with. So they sent him like an award and a certificate in a present to kind of thing saying, Oh, wow, yeah.   So cool. Great. So, in case we didn't name 10, facts about you, probably, we'll get there by the end of the conversation. So let me move to the ageing subject. My next question is What does ageing means to you?   It means I've been blessed, because it's been denied by a lot of loved ones that were unfortunately taken too soon. So ageing, yeah, it means that you've been blessed, and you should be honored and you should enjoy and be thankful for every day that you've been given.   So, if but if you could go back to any age, what it would be and why, what advice would you give yourself at this age?   Back before I was five, when I was living with my Nana, and I would stay with her, I wouldn't feel obligated to go back to my mom. Now that I know what I know. I would have stayed with my nana and had a much better life for it. What would I tell myself? Stay away, you know, your loved. Don't feel obligated just because a person gives birth to you doesn't make them your mother.   Interesting how a five year old child can feel obligation already. So how come   Me and my mother had a very turbulent relationship. I don't feel as though she ever wanted me or any of my sisters, either of my sisters. My mom was a very troubled, very broken woman. And we were born to try and trap the men at the time that she had in her life. And it didn't work. So we were dragged along for the ride thereafter. So the only place I ever felt loved and protected and safe was my Nana's house, with my auntie and my uncles.   So if we start talking about body image, and if your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you to tell you?   Give me a break. I had an accident in 2017, where I was hit by a truck. So now my left side of my body is very problematic. I need a hip and knee replacement. So I've got a lot of issues going on with that. And then with now with the bowel cancer and the upcoming chemo, I just feel at the moment I feel old, like really just broken and old, but I don't let it beat me. I get up every day I still go to work. I feel like I'm doing it slower and slower each day, but I'm still doing it. But hopefully, if I have when I have my knee replacement and a hip replacement shortly, I'll start to feel rejuvenated and feel better for it and be able to accomplish things a bit more easier than what I currently Do   So give me a break. Yeah, you think that we don't let ourselves rest enough?   Not at all, not at all that the last couple of weeks since I've come out of hospital has really let me reflect on that. And my husband, and my friends have, like, been very strict with me, because I'm not that sort of person to give up or to give you and I would have gone back to work two weeks earlier if I could have, which my doctor never claimed me to do anyway. But yeah, but my husband, you know, he went back to work, but he said, if I see that you've washed up that cup or that glass, you know, he says, there's going to be problems. You know, I mean, he says, Because I'm telling you, your job is to rest and do nothing, that that's your job, like you listen to the doctors, you listen to me. So, so I had to, you know, do that to keep his mind at peace, too. Because the the hardest thing about this cancer has been my husband, it broke him. It really broke him, it was very hard to see him go through that. So I'm so used to being on my own and doing my own thing and being able to hide things from people put on the happy face, but just do your own stuff behind the scenes kind of thing. Yeah. But it broke him. And that was really hard. So the least I could do was make things easier by helping him to do what he asked me to do. Yeah, yep.   So they say it's true. They say that women are much stronger than men and the men don't take the hard times.. how to say it...   I understand what you're trying to say. My husband had a very troubled life in Fiji as well. And we pick ourselves because we met each other in 2006. And why it took us so long to get our shit together. You know, we often kick ourselves about it now. But and he, you know, he said, I didn't wait and go through everything and fight with God because he's a very Christian man. And I'm an atheist. So, it's very interesting. But he said, you know, he didn't, you know, fight with God to finally get what he wanted, which, which was me and coming over here and to then lose me to something, you know.   That's a fear of loss.   Yeah, very much. So very much so because he's lost his parents, he's lost two of his brothers. He's only got one brother left. He lives in Canada. He's not close to him. And my family has embraced him. And he feels so blessed and so loved by everybody. And he just but since I've had the operation, he's been very, very he's been my rock. You know, he's been very attending very mother hen style around me. And with the chemo he it's not what he wants, not what any of us wanted, but he's but he's going to be there for me and we'll get through it and yeah, he's the positive one. And he's the one that prays and has the relationship with God and yeah, so it's great to have such support. Yep.   So, what do you think are the main causes of body image issues?   the media, these influences whatever that even means the these want to be Barbie doll. Kardashians and I don't understand it. I you know, look back to the 30s 40s 50s when the movie stars were actually beautiful, beautiful bodied women you know, they were naturally you know, beautiful and this this wanting to have tummy tucks and facelifts and Botox and fillers and lips. I don't get it. Ageing, your body tells a story. You know, when I was a little girl I used to sit up on my Nana's lap and play with her wrinkles of her neck and her chest or the decolletage area and then play and then touch the ones around her, her eyes or her mouth. And I'd say What's this wrinkle from? What's this wrinkle for? And she said this is from when I used to laugh so much or this is when I used to be angry at the Boys and you know so she said every wrinkle tells a story. And I've embraced that because your body tells your life story and why keep trying to erase it or why try and like you look at some of these. These shows and these actresses have no expressions. There's no they look so fake and so, so scary. You know, they don't look real. It's just I don't understand how that became beauty. I just I don't get it.   I think it comes from fear to not to be picked up or not to get a man you want to something I don't know if you're getting old.   But it's something it should be something you should look forward to. It's something you should embrace. It's something that you should be feel as though you're privileged to get to that stage and embrace it, instead of trying to look like a doll or to look like you've never, like you've just been born, and you don't have any wrinkles, and you don't have any creases. And, you know, how can how can you read the expression of someone if they can't show you an expression on their face? You know, it's crazy.   So how do you think negative body image can affect relationships, and I'm talking about all sorts of relationship not only men, woman, but friendships, Mother children, how it affects that   It can create jealousy, it can create worry, stress, eating disorders, it can create all sorts of problems. Like you're not good enough, or you're too good, or you're fat shamed. You're skinny, shamed. You know, it creates all sorts of problems. It's the biggest form of bullying in the world, really, because I mean, when someone's being bullied, they're being bullied for something about their body. You know, the hair, the weight, the skin, the the race, the eyes, whatever it is, it's usually body related. And it's just, it's just such a biggest form of bullying. And it's just like, why can't we embrace our differences? Why can't we just accept that we're not all alike? And that's okay, because I mean, we don't want to be clones. So why can't we just love each other for who we are. And jealousy will always be a thing, like, someone's always going to have gorgeous blue eyes, or gorgeous legs, or really nice, beautiful hair, or, you know, so that kind of jealousy is okay, but to be jealous, where you're going to actually go and bully them or pick on them, or cut their hair on them or something like that. It's just, it's horrendous. I just, I just don't understand.   Don't you think it's also starts in school? Because I know that they say kids are very cruel. And you know how they like that? Yes. Even though I remember my time, somebody was bullied all the time.   I was bullied at school for different things, and for various things, to the degree that I stopped going to school, and I ended up in therapy and everything. And it was about three or four weeks into it. I wasn't really talking much. I didn't see the point in the therapist, we were sort of talking a little bit, but not a lot. And then he said to me, why are they better than you? And I said, What? He said, Why are they better than you? And I sat up off the chair and lean forward. No, they're not. And it was that penny that dropped. It was that penny that dropped in that afternoon, I went and hunted every single one of them down because they're always they're always in a pack. You know, I went and hunted every single one of them down one on one, one on one. And the biggest bully that was after me at the time at school. I couldn't find her. She had made my life hell every day for so long. And then when I wanted to find out, I couldn't find her. It took me over a week to find her. And I had it out with her in the main street of race be where we lived at the time. And I just said to her if she wants me, here I am. I'm ready to take whatever she wants to give me. She hasn't got her pack behind her now. So it's one on one. Let's go. But I'm done. I'm not going to be scared. I'm not going to live in fear. And I'm done. So give it your best shot. She didn't do anything. She couldn't believe you know, you know she was stuttering in there. It's like I'm done. I said, so if I see you so much as picking or looking at anybody at school in the wrong way. I'm coming for you now. I said I'm the tables are turning. I'm going to come for you, shall I? Yeah, you and his army. I said don't need an army. Just me. Just me. And that was it. Nobody ever looked my way again.   So, it just shows this principle that people treat you the way you allow them   very much.   So, time, once you stop allowing people treat you a certain way. They stop bullying you.   Yeah. But bullies are bullies because of something going on in their life as well. Always. It's always something, you know, because they aren't feeling powerless somewhere with someone over something. And then so they have to find someone weaker than them to then, you know, lead out their frustration and lead out their hurt. And that's just a vicious cycle. So, yes, all this sort of stuff does start in school, but it starts in the homes, that the parents are the ones that instill this stuff in their children. And it's, you know, the parents need to be educated. The kids need to be educated. You know, we need to learn acceptance on every level, especially today. There are so many different things and so many diff font families and so many different people out there today that we need to teach acceptance.   Yeah. Or if it's not acceptance, at least not bullying, you know for being different.   Yeah, we don't have to agree. You know, we don't have to agree. Just accept that that's that person for that reason. And that's it that you don't have to be friends with them even. You don't have to like it. But just accept it and move on. Don't make it a big deal and don't become a bully over it and don't make their life hell for it.   You have rights to be different.   Yeah.   So, when you have any body related issues or insecurities, we will have from time to time, what's your go to method to deal with that?   I don't, I don't worry about it. I am made. I have been me. I tried once back when my first husband died. I was 23 years old. He died a couple of weeks after he turned 24. And I got it in my head that I wanted to prove him wrong, that I wasn't worthless, I wasn't everything that he called me. And so I paid for a personal trainer, went to the gym four days a week, busted my butt to get to what I want it to be. And I succeeded. But I never lost any weight from my bust, or my bum. And now we're the two places I really needed to lose it. And it didn't happen. And so now that I had this, this trimmed and toned body, which was which was great, but it just enhanced my two parts of my body that I try and hide the most. So it was like, Oh my god. So, what have I done? Yeah, very much. So very much so. And it's like, oh, God, what's the point. So, I just went back to just not caring, like, just really not caring, because I'm enough as I am. And I don't care. Literally, I do not care what anyone thinks. Or says about me. As long as I don't hear it. Because if you don't know me enough to have an opinion, you're not entitled to an opinion. And if you do know me, and you have an opinion, well then talk to me about it. And we can usually, you know, me and my friends and family, we're never negative against each other. We embrace all of our quirks and our craziness and you know, but yeah, so just love who you are, love what you've got, and just not care what the next person has. Because they could they chances are they don't like what they've got unlucky, you know? So, because they want to be, you know, a condition or they want to be an influencer, or they want to be the girl at the beach in the bikini that everyone's looking at. But, you know, I've never been that sort of person. I've never I've never wanted anybody looking at me. I just want people to know me, and accept me for me. And if they don't, I'm okay with that. That's already me.   Yeah, that's why you decided to stay on your own for so many years. And just because you are enough   Yes, everyone needs to say to me, you're going to be on your own forever. You never you know, you're never gonna find a man. It's like, do I need a man? I don't need a man. You know, I don't even know what you want in a man. No. But I know, I knew what I didn't want in a man. And that was a start. So, if I ever met anybody, and they were they were like that, you know, not not interested. If they had four out of the five things I wanted. Not good enough. I didn't need to settle. So, I never had any intentions on doing so. And yeah, so that didn't faze me.   Excellent. You answered my question. That's what's the what was the ways to bring yourself back to norm when you were younger? You already answered that question. And my last one is, what is your favorite saying or quote about being a woman? Or maybe your own thoughts,   Empowered women empower women. And the most powerful thing you can do as a woman is never, never, never need a man. Yes. never need a man. Know that you're enough. You know, just embrace who you are. And know that you're enough. Just be strong willed and just never been never be apologetic about being strong willed, or setting your own goals or aiming to achieve what you want. Regardless of whether anyone else thinks that you should. You should go for it or not. Be you. That simple. Just be you.   Nicely said. Thank you Jodie. Thank you very much for sharing your story today with us and I hope you will have a great rest of the day and you will enjoy a photo shoot.   Thank you.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn how Pam went through 2 bariatric surgeries and 12.5-hour plastic surgery to get from 185 kilos to 60 kilos! We also talk about her childhood trauma that caused all that weight gain, and discuss the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how to overcome them. Finally, we discuss what aging means to Pam and to her body.   10 Facts About Pamela (at the time of the project)   53 years old.Pamela was born in Rhodes, Greece.She came to Australia in December 1974. Her parents migrated here in 1970. And she followed in 1974 in December.Pamela is a mother of three children, two boys and a girl. She is also a grandmother of five with the eldest of 10 y.o. and the youngest being 40 days.Pamela has been in the same job for 23 years.Pamela’s hobbies are flipping furniture and travelling.She absolutely loves Valencia in Spain and the regional part of ItalySpanish tapas is Pam’s absolute favourite food.Pamela is also a certified trauma coach. She has not stepped out into the coaching world as such. She is just building up the business.Pamela struggled with large weight since she was young. She was 85 kilos up until 22 years old. After pregnancy she got to 185 kilos. And then in 1998, she decided to have what was then called the biliopancreatic diversion (bariatric surgery - editor). Pam has gone down to 100 kg. But in 2009 started putting back on weight. So she went and had the Lap band surgery. When she lost enough weight, she had plastic surgery to remove 12 kg of loose skin. She also did inner thighs, boobs, arms and Tummy Tuck. It was 12,5 hours of operation. Now Pamela fluctuates between 60 and 62 kilos and is very happy with that.Pamela’s favorite personal quote is: “Confidence is the key that unlocks the door to your true self. And as a grounded woman, you stand tall, embracing the strength within and radiating the beauty that comes from knowing who you are”.  You can find Pamela here: IG - createyournewidentity FB - Pamela Kay Tik Tok - Toulzz69 ----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated):   Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   I met the best age that I could be I don't have no wants to get back to be any younger. To be any particular age any nothing. I'm happy at 53 I love my life for what it is today. I love my blessings. I love my children, my grandchildren. And for what I've gone through my life I have been blessed beyond beyond my imagination or anything I could work.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the my body My Story project today with us in the studio Pamela. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, Citra is creating her magic, I'll be asking her a few questions. Hi, Pam, welcome to the studio. Thank you. Let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Greek, mother of three children, two boys and a girl. Grandmother of five or eldest is 10. The youngest is 40 days. Oh. I've been in the same job for 23 years. It was absolutely love. I love to be of service. Yeah, my, my, I would say My hobbies are flipping furniture. And I'm an avid traveller. I'm going to Greece in 14 days. So look, I'm really looking forward to that. And yeah, after what's been happening the last three years. It's just time to get away. And you know, just enjoy and relax.  Is it your first time you getting away?   None in your three last three years? Yes, in the last three years, it's gonna be a great treat to see well.   What's your favourite place in Greece?   In Greece? So I'm from Rhodes. I was born in Rhodes. I have to say that's my favourite, but it's not really my favourite place in Greece would be outside Athens would be great. It's just absolutely stunning.   So when did you move to Australia?   I came to Australia on in December 1974. My parents migrated here in 1970. And I followed in 1974 in December.   So you've been a small child?   Yeah, I was. Yes. Yep.   So you always lived in Sydney?   I have Yes. Yeah.   So do you feel Australia home now?   I do call Australia home. I think we are very privileged here to live in Australia. But there is a connection. When you do go back when I do go back to Greece that there's just that bond. You feel that bond. And although it's beautiful to go and see and experience and you know, go on adventures. It's also great to come home. Yeah.   And apart from the grace, what other places you love.   I absolutely love Valencia in Spain. I love Italy, but I love the regional part of Italy. I've I love I've been to Russia, Estonia, ours, Switzerland, all of those sorts of areas, and Morocco. So I've done a fair bit of travelling, which I've been very blessed to be able to do so. Yeah. But I would say it's the more community based like you can go to a country and what makes it as the people Yeah, be great. The people are lovely. Then you have to get back but if the people are cold, I wouldn't return.   Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's the people make difference. 100% So should I ask What's your favourite cuisine? Is it Greek right?   It's not actually it's actually tapas love absolutely love Spanish tapas. Bonus. Because I cook Greek and it's every day, you know, food, food, it's just the tapas is my absolute favourite food.   That's interesting and great. Also, I know two other things which, which I want to talk about that you are now a certified trauma coach.   Yep. So I'm a certified trauma coach. I haven't. I haven't stepped out in the coaching world as such, like, I'm just building up the business as we speak. I've got my qualifications, or whatever have you. And I'm just some building social media and getting the awareness out there. Yeah,   do you know already? What's the social media account with it is   it's yeah, my handle is create your new identity. creative new identity. So to me, it's about creating a new identity, not the past identity that you suffered through trauma. But your new identity of who you want to be?   Is it on Instagram?   Yeah, of course. Yes. I'm on Instagram. I'm on. Tick tock on Facebook. So I'm active. I'm very active. Yeah. You're on tick tock.   That's great.   Yeah, tick tock. So a new platform for me. It's a little bit overwhelming at the moment. Yeah, it's just coming into my, you know, you got to step into a slightly I think Tiktok it's very out there. Yeah, yeah.   So what made you do this degree to get this certificate?     Well, I believe I have a story to share. My story starts from birth. So when I was born, my parents left me with my grandma 40 days and came to Australia. So they came to share it with their sons. So I was left in Greece. alone, alone, no, we're not alone. I was with my grandma. But still, she raised me, which for up to about maybe 45 years, I've carried that as an abandonment, carried abandonment issues around there. But once I started to do the healing work, I realised that she left me with the person she loved the most. And I was so blessed to be able to get the five and a half years of attention, love support, you know, affection, just the continuous one on one time, instead of having to be here in Australia with my mom juggling work. And, you know, the two boys and working two, three jobs. So really, it was a blessing for me. But it was hard to understand what I was growing up because, you know, you just think oh my god, I was so crave my mom's love, but I never got it as a child. So yeah, it's always been a craving, you know, and so on to get that awareness. And that understanding is when the healing starts, I think.   Yeah, so you are the youngest, out of four kids, all the kids,   I am the youngest, so they had already purchased their tickets. So it was 1969 Obviously, and they had purchased their or their tickets to migrate to Australia. And they will come into work. And then they found out that they were pregnant with me. My dad didn't want to press proceed with the, you know, the pregnancy. But you know, my mum was adamant that she was not going to abort any child. And they waited to the she gave birth to me and then yeah, they left for Australia.   An interesting story. So what trauma you want to work with or any trauma or just in particular,   someone's childhood trauma. So when I say childhood trauma, I mean, the lack of lack of connection with my parents, you know, and being used as the which is probably not the right term, but I would say the punching bag, so because of there was no connection and there was no you know, the foundational piece where, you know, you build your relationship on on familiarity and solidarity and you know, the connection with your child and it's teas and it's love and it's affection, it's hugs. There was none of that. So I felt like a stranger when I came to Australia. And then, you know, and who you get, who were they're going to pick on my mum, unfortunately was very nice. cystic, and she, I think she's got a lot of unsolved trauma herself. So and I would say it's a lot of it's ancestral as well, my father was very abusive towards her. So because there was no connection between her and I, that's where she unless she unleashed on me. So, in saying that, I became the more or less the, the, the, the I the person she, she led out, rented her anger out on both frustration, her disappointments her everything where, you know, he my dad used to abuse her and she would abused me. So it was like a continuous flow of things. The other thing was that I was treated very differently to the boys. So when my mom remarried as well, she wanted to be this super stepmom. So, you know, she wanted to praise this kid and look, share to everyone in the community or what a great stepmother I am, that she would dress these gills and, you know, show them off to the world. And whereas I would be left at home. I started working sewing at a very young age for a family business that we had, and you know, they would go out and just leave me sewing in the, you know, in the garage. So there was a lot of things behind this. It's just not something that you can describe in one hour or whatever have you. It's a very it's a series of event for complex. Yeah, yeah.   Looks like a Cinderella story.   Yeah, it is. It's a very Cinderella story, and the fact that I was an obese child. And like, I, every Monday was way day for me, I was just a fat kid. And I can honestly say that, although what we call today, fat is not what I was, I was 85 kilos up until I was 22 years old. 85 kilos today is pretty standard. But back in those days back in the 80s, it was like a fat girl, you know. So I was shamed, like, you know, you're fat, you stink, you do this, you know, you're not going to find a husband, you're going to be left on the shelf. You know, now was every Monday was way down. And if I didn't lose weight, it was well, it was beating time. So I would get physically abused. For not losing weight or being a shame or disgrace, you know, for continuing to be fair. But what I realised through my healing process was the only way I got my mom's attention was to not lose weight. So by me not losing weight. It was the 10 minutes she gave me attention. So even in an abusive way, even in abusive ways. I craved her attention so bad. That didn't matter how I got it. I still got it, if that makes any sense. She still gave me that 10 minutes of attention. Whether it was well, it wasn't a very nice some way but yeah. Yeah. So I went on up until I got 20. I lived with my husband Why didn't really live they told me I couldn't marry him. So then I ran off and got married. So technically I did elope. And his father said that I was too fat for his son. So just get he just kept getting worse and worse. So this is at 85 kilos. Yeah. So I wasn't even really a baby. So anyway, we came home and told him that we went and got married and his parents literally kicked us out. My mother said, Well, she couldn't keep me out because it'll be a disgrace to the community and, you know, a disgrace to the Greek, you know, what would, what would the people say? So, we moved in and one lived upstairs, one lived downstairs, and in three months were married in a great church because I had to be married in the eyes of God before I could be sleeping with a man. Then I got pregnant straightaway and I'd ballooned up to 185 kilos. By the time I had my third third child. I was 135 kilos. 185 kilos. I beg your pardon. And so then, but I was a fit person, if I could say that, like, I was very active, I had three children, you know, I was Go, go go, I worked. Yeah. And then in 1998, I decided to have what was then called the biliopancreatic diversion, which was a surgery that I had just pulled from Italy. And there was no background data on it, because it was a brand new surgery, but people did lose weight remarkably fast. So the way they do that is they, they cut your stomach in half. And then they cut your interest on your large intestine from seven metres to two metres, and then discard the five and they connected to your column. So everything basically you ate just came through. And that was, that's a family's dream, because you can eat whatever you want it goes in and out for what what happened is you become very malnutrition. And with malnutrition, gums, hair loss, and anaemia and so forth and so on. And I did reach 100 kilos on that, so I had lost quite a bit of weight. And then it just stabilised which I was quite happy with, you know, 100 kilos for me was quite good. And then by 2000, and maybe nine, I started to started to put weight back on and I was getting fat. I mean, fatter. And I just said now there's no way I can do this, I can't put the weight back on. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to go back to being obese. So I went in had the lap band. And with the lap band that sort of saved my life because the food wouldn't go through the band so fast, I couldn't eat so much. And then the nutrients got absorbed. And I reached maybe 85 kilos before I had my first stretch of plastic surgery to remove skin. They remove 12 kilos of skin off me. And they put everything where it's supposed to be. So my boobs are where they're supposed to be. My I did inner thighs. I did boobs. Tummy Tuck I did back are dude in the arms. So it's all in one all in one. Get that I do that anymore, either. That was a 12 and a half hour operation. Yep. So it was a it was full blown, it was full on. And then my breasts went after a loss. So after that, I lost more weight. And my breasts went flat as like, like they look like to be gigs. And I went in and they reconstructed it with tissue or whatever have you and they gave me boobs to support my backsies because obviously I've got a very wide back. I'm now I fluctuate between 60 and 62 kilos. Quite happy with that for   or you keep you keep it for how many years?   Um, so that was in 1998 is so it's been 1998 to today. So whatever that is. 25 years. Yeah, so I have maintained I do have little I did have. I don't anymore, but I did have little bouts of up and down weight gain. But it's not an easy way out. It's it's just a tool. And every day you have to monitor what a meeting how a meeting? How's it gonna affect me?   Do you still have band or you know, now I've still got the band because now they say it's dangerous. Like, people remove it.   yeah, well Touchwood I haven't had any issues with that.   So you're the one example that it went well for you?   Yes, it did. And I've been in a comfortable sweet spot for many years. So I haven't adjusted my band. Once it got to that sweet spot. I've been to Europe since 2010 with the same sort of restriction and you know, when you go to Europe, you just want to devour everything but you know why It's mind over matter. And we've got to eat to live not live to eat. That's the mentality that's got to change around food. And it is it's a it's a psychological battle to some food thing. You know, you're for the body this for me around food and around what you look like is, is just unbelievable. Like, for a long time, I was going to the large sizes in the, in the shops to find clothes. When I knew really I was a size, you know, let's say for let's stop before they sell, let's say size 14, I was still getting into the target larger women size. I now sit comfortably in a size 10 to 12. Which is a dream like never in my wildest dreams in all my life. Would I ever think that I would be wearing a size 10? Comfortably? Yeah, that's me in a nutshell.   Wow, what a story. So but you still have that the first operation maybe that's the combination of to help helps you to   100% 100% I don't doubt that.   What I didn't understand that. The first one is, is it like bypass or it's something different   so that they stopped doing this operational, it's very invasive, they used to cut you down your chest down your arm down the centre of your chest, and reorganise everything inside and then close your back up. So they don't do that anymore. Obviously, bypass nose keyhole, I believe. So that invasive surgery is it's ceased, it doesn't exist anymore. I did deal with a boy that I met. He was 18 years old. And we became really good pals. And we're still very good friends today. And he's done really well. He too, has maintained his weight. He's had his up and down days. But yeah, it's um, I would say, even if I took the band down, I still got the backup of the other one. But the other one is, it really does not let you absorb any nutrients. Yeah, my diet is predominantly green work. Like, I do eat everything. I don't say no to anything. I don't say no to chips. Notice how I eat everything, everything. And I would say yeah, a small amount. Plus, you can't stomach large amounts. And the other thing too about the surgeries when you have the surgery, if you have too much sugar, your body goes into a dump, which is called dumping. dumping syndrome. And that really is it's horrible. Absolutely horrible.   You need to be living in the toilet.   Yeah, yeah. And even with the first surgery, that's where you were. And the other thing was the first surgeries, the one that they don't do anymore is because you weren't processing the food. Everything was going in and out and the stench in the bathroom. You just couldn't use a public bathroom. It was horrible. So you had to use matches, or zinc or some sort of thing to disguise the smell. It was just, it was horrible. But you know what, you had to weigh up your options. Do I lose the weight? And you know, or do I worry about the smell? You know?   yeah, it just I'm just thinking that cases like that when we have from time to time with upset stomach, upset stomach, whatever, and the smell and the thinking, Oh my God, if we smell that bad inside. Yeah, imagine like, like, we're the factory of bed smells now.   Yeah, with a surgery. The first one he was unprocessed. So it was just getting in and out. But now it's different. Yeah, very different. So I didn't understand that they stitch all together, back together. But when I had the band, they had to reopen me up. Because I had already been opened and my organs had gelled together because once you open it open your body. The cavity once it gets air in it, things just gel together. So they had to open me up to separate the thing the stomach from the organs to they can put the band around the stomach. Oh, so but the beauty of that is when they did open me up or that scarring or that because there was a zigzag scar like a Zorro thing or that scarring when I lost the way it dropped that skin so when they pulled it down to do the plastic surgery, and I pulled it down to my tummy. It stretched out all the new skin so all that got discarded when they cut it all off. Yeah. Yeah.   Gosh, that's a really big journey, you know, to go through and yeah, I can imagine how much Know how desperate you should fail to go through this kind of operation? It was. Yeah. So coming back out, I'll ask you about the body mentioned all these things a bit later. But I just want to ask one more question about. So now you're doing this, or is a part time or job or like, not full time, but still getting into this coaching, the trauma coaching? And I will ask you a provocative question. As I'm…  my first master's in psychology as well, and I did study clinical psychology, but at some point, I decided that no, I'm not going to be a psychotherapist. Because I believe that you cannot heal the trauma. My belief is based on my study and experience, and my sister is a psychotherapist. And I can see you know, the results of her work, that you can probably learn how to deal with your trauma to make your life easier, but you cannot heal it completely. And some of my colleagues, psychologists disagree with that. So I just like I'd like to know your opinion, being at traumatise yourself and working on that and being a trauma coach, like what do you think about that?   In regards to that, I think that if we sit here and wonder, why, why, why, why why we're never going to get a response. Okay, these events of past, they've happened. There's no way of going back and altering the past. But I do believe that if you take away the lessons, so I'm a timeline therapist as well. So I believe that if you go back into your past and think What lessons did it give me? What did it teach me? What can I take away? That I can bring into my life that say, Okay, this happened to me? How do I deal with it? How can I overcome it? And how can I move on from this trauma? Without letting that affects me? I don't believe obviously, we can't change the past, it's happened. But we can take away what did I gain from it? I'll give you an example. So when my mum used to be into me, I built up the resilience and I wouldn't cry, I just used to think I am going to give you the satisfaction of crying. And when she was beating me she would say I doesn't hurt and beat me harder. But in my mind, I had built up this resilience or our foot the strength I just I don't know where it came from. I'm big believer in God as well. So to me it was God given me the courage and the strength and the power to overcome the feeling of the pain. Right? So what did it teach me It taught me resilience, it taught me that no matter what happens, I can get I can endure this and I can move forward. I the thing with trauma is that it's always there. But are you gonna let it poison you for the rest of your life? Are you going to carry it into your life where it's like drinking poison and expecting you know, the same as drinking wasn't expecting someone else to die? You know, these people have moved on that and care, it's you that's carrying the wound, heal the wound and allow yourself to move on you know, accept it for what it is and just take away the lessons and the learnings and now proceed to make a better life for yourself.   So good answer. So let's move to the second part of the interview about ageing and body image. And my first question here is what does ageing means to you?   I met the best age that I could be I don't have no wants to get back to be any younger. To be any, any particular age any? Nothing. I'm happy at 53 I love my life for what it is today. I love my blessings. I love my children, my grandchildren. And for what I've gone through my life I have been blessed beyond beyond my imagination or anything I could want, even more like it's just three amazing children, the grandchildren, you know? Yeah, I've been blessed. I'm so grateful for my life. So grateful for the bad things are good things, everything. Just grateful for everything.   So if you're like that Benjamin Barton like in reverse… you felt more older when you were young.   Yes, that's very true. That's very true. Very true. I just love her man. Love where I'm at.   I know you, you said that already. But still, I will ask this question. But if you still could go back to any age, to what age you would go, and what advice would you give yourself at that age?   I would say I would get back to. So 1985 I tried to commit suicide. And because just the beatings, were just something I couldn't handle, and the live the life that I had, right? If I could go back to that young girl and just say, it will be alright, you will get through this and you'll be in your best place when you are older. You know, that would be an age where I would get back to I mean, I regret trying to commit suicide because it goes against my religious beliefs. But it was a way of escape. It was a way I was a young kid, and I couldn't handle it. And I didn't know. And now when I hear about children that try or do it, I just think oh my god, you know, I was there. I wish I could offer them the advice. Yeah.   Okay, so now we spoke a lot about body today. And if your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you tell you now at this time?   Stop abusing luck. Good luck. I've used my body a lot. I've vomited a lot. Because the waiting day was coming every Monday so if I did eat something, I would go and vomit. I would purge I was blaming somebody and then I'd go vomit I would stick my fingers down my throat and just vomit. Just so I don't gain weight. So I don't get bashed on the Monday that sort of thing. I also did a lot of German which was actually my mum put me on German when I was about 12 which is a speech back in the day it was speed that was prescribed by doctors I always chose German is that it was a drug there had speed in it So speed is an amphetamine and what it does what it used to do it doesn't do it anymore that in prescribe this toxic level anymore. What it what it used to do used to make you not want to eat and your jaw used to just grind slug your teeth used to grind. But when you stopped the German if you lost 10 kilos used to find 20 You know? Yeah, I wouldn't. Although I did the young ages, I didn't have any control because my mom put me on them. At the older age. I continued with the Jura mine and whatever have you. Like I've done Herbalife Gloria Marshall, so Herbalife Gloria Marshall, you know, all of that sort of stuff, every single weight loss programme, I've done it, I've done it, I'd take a test anything. If someone tells me something works, I'm there. Let's do it, you know? Yeah, that sort of stuff. I'd be more conscious of what I know now, if I knew today about nutrition, and the choices you can make, but I don't even think it's about food. I think we hold on to emotions, so much that it also holds on to weight. The minute you shift the thought the emotions from your body of you know, abandonment, whatever. Anything that you feel like you know, any type of emotion that you're that is not good for you. Is when the weight starts to drop, the minute you stop caring the minute you stop, everything just starts to fall off. The minute you stop worrying about your weight is when it all does. This is my personal experience. The minute I stopped caring is the minute everything started to fall off. Like it just was Just like an instant sort of thing. I didn't wait anything I didn't, you know, I just say what I wanted. And of course, with some reasonable, you know, amounts, and not rubbish luck, cave season whatever have you. Yeah, once you drop the emotional part, that's where it all starts to fall off.   But then coming back to the surgery tool, like, do you still think people should do that if they haven't solved this emotional part first? Or does this surgery helps them to start because they start losing weight to start looking better? And this is a chance for them to. So what do you think about that? How it comes together the emotional part in the surgery,   I don't believe that everyone's ready. I think a lot of people jump into the surgery thinking, Oh, my God, I'm going to be saved. And that's how I initially jumped in. Because you're so obese, you just want some sort of relief from being overweight. I don't, there's a lot of people that are ready for the emotional part of it. And there's a lot of people that aren't like I've seen people, I've encouraged a lot of people to go and have the surgery. And a lot of them have regained the weight because they're just not ready. They're just not ready to, you know, it is a tool. So for the first 12 months, you're guaranteed to lose weight, there's no way out of the year, you will lose weight because your body goes into such shock, you will lose the way. But if you haven't dealt in those 12 months, if you don't start dealing with your emotional stuff, this way, this this tool let you down or you let the tool down. It's so easy just to put the weight back on and then people blend the surgery didn't work. No, you're not making a work, it's not going to save you won't because it was fine at a young age, they start reading it. Like I'm 20 plus years post op and I still can't make a bread roll with bacon and eggs. And I'm looking at PayPal and I'm thinking oh my god, and this is not just gastropubs is the slave PayPal, this is LapBand. PayPal, this is combined, right? And I'm thinking how he's put that down like there's no way like, but then overridden the tool, if that makes any sense. Because remember, our mind is a powerful tool itself. Your mind can do anything. So if you're going to tell your mind you're going to eat or bacon or grow, you're going to eat a bag in an egg roll, but it's the back of your subconscious mind. You've got, I can't eat this because it's not right for me and whatever, I'll have you only gonna eat half.   So but then if following this logic, if people don't do surgery and just work with their mind, they can lose all that 120 kilos or there's also a physical part of that, that when you over when you cross a certain line, you can't lose it that easily even if you work with your mind. So what?   Look, it's not like it hasn't been done. It has. I mean, I couldn't do it. I know I tried. People have done it, but it wasn't me. I think once you get to the obese stage, you need some sort of support. And there's just that that tipping point where you think, oh my god, I'm so overwhelmed. And I try and I try and I try and then in the back of your mind, you've got a better I've tried this and I've tried that and I've tried this, I've tried that, and I can't lose the weight. But and that's where the overwhelm comes from because you start to lose faith in yourself. Look, I'm not I'm not saying that if I could do it too without having the surgery, I would have done it but I couldn't. I too was overwhelmed. But I was overwhelmed physically. I was overwhelmed emotionally. I was overwhelmed. I had three children. You know, I had my mother my father in law. I was just it was just a lot. And I would say for me it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Yeah, there's been a lot of struggles along the way a lot of hurdles to jump but you know what you make do and you learn but these are teeth. These are teaching you stuff like that making better choices is it's a better choice like you know, you've got to make and you makes you think about things as well like if I do this which path will it take me This powerful that path, you know, what will be the consequences if I have this? You know, there's just so many so much to learn along the way, and so much to implement in your life and not only for yourself, for your whole family.   So you're the best person probably to ask us this question. Then my next question is, what do you think are the main causes of body image issues or us abusing our bodies? So what are the reasons why we do that?   Our insomnia old for the social media thing said to me social media is not something that I would blame. He was around a long before. It was around a long time before social media. We've always had the models and whatever have you. And if I was to say they'll probably be skinnier in my time than they are what they are. Today at today, Look, girls look a little bit more healthier. As models. To me, I would say it's women, women around us men, men are very fixated on and I'm not saying all men, so let's not take all men, but there's a lot of men that are fixated on how a woman looks what she should look like, you know what particular size her bra should be? Her butt should be. There's all that sort of definition of how women should be. And then, you know, and women, they're the worse Some women are just the judgement from other women you know, Why are women plumping up their lips? Why are we pumping up our you know, our boobs, our lips, our eyebrows, our our, you know our eyelashes? Why do we have to do though you're beautiful as you are. But there's this sort of stigma on that we got to look that extra that next level that Nick You know that next level we've got to be this level of beauty this level of weight this level of you know, size it's it's just it's everywhere, you can't escape it, but once you're comfortable in yourself that's when you find freedom like you say I've got look I've got no bum and Greg goes have a big bumps I've got no bum I would love you know little beauty there but in saying that I wasn't breast burst with a big booty I've got the back the boobs you know so on the other side to me, that's me and I've come to accept that like acceptance of self is the best gift you can give yourself   when someone has this body image issues, they obviously how it affects relationships, but in what way do you think? And I'm talking about all sorts of relationships with coworkers, partners, whatever. So how do you think it affects this negative body image of yourself?   Why are we allowing people to govern how we feel? Why are we giving our power away as women? Why do we close the lights when we make love to our partners? Why to me it's about you gotta find that love for you inside and you will find that that the real man he's not very focused on what you were focused on your your beliefs about what's wrong with you is not what a man's focus on a real men will love you for who you are, what you are. And all of you, your colleagues shouldn't even have any any any power over what you should look like. It's none of their business. You know, your child will love you no matter what unconditionally. There really is no reason to give away your power and let someone govern your emotions as to how you feel about your body.   So it's you who should decide 100% how you feel. If you feel healthy in the weight you are then you stay on the shape you are or if you feel like if you feel that you're unhealthy and you want to do something about that, then it's your decision.   Absolutely. Absolutely, women are beautiful. As you know, thin, women are beautiful as size. Let's go size from size. If they're size four, if they're size 16, if they're size 10, if their size twelves, whatever they are, they're beautiful. We're all beautiful. Every which way, because everyone has different qualities, different highlights, different personalities. Yeah.   So we spoke about how you dealt with body insecurities when you were young. But how do you deal with that now, if they from time to time comes back, it comes back or you feel like Oh, um, I need to lose a couple of kilos or whatever. So once you go to when you have this creeping, well known feeling like something wrong with me how you deal with that.   I can honestly say, as long as I pick up my jeans, and they fit around, it's all good. It's all good. The only thing that I would say, that's come from the weight loss and carrying that weight around for a very long time is maybe the spider veins. And to me, really, I'm 53 Big deal. But I won't wear shorts because of them. You know, it's something that I won't do. And to me it's an about an appearance thing. Like I like, you know, my legs to look clean, not clean, but you know, not flawless but you know, you just I don't like to see the spider veins on their various spider whatever they are. I don't know they're not chunky, but they are veins right? To me. Nothing a good spray tan were fixed. But yeah, to me, that's the only thing that I questioned myself on.   you don't have questions anymore.   Now I don't have any more questions.   So my last question is, do you have any favourite quote or saying about being a woman or maybe your thought?   Confidence is the key that unlocks the door to your true self. And as a grounded woman, you stand tall, embracing the strength within and radiating the beauty that comes from knowing who you are.   Who said that?   Pamela K. That's me.   that's your own. Perfect.   Yes. All right, that last night.   This is beautiful. Thank you. Thank you very much for sharing your story and being so open about that, that it may inspire someone or support someone if they're listening and in case they want to find you. I will give your context in the description. And I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day in the photoshoot. And thank you again.   Thank you so much.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB:

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Ursula, what age she would like to go back to and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body. 10 Facts About Ursula (at the time of the project) 48 years old.Ursula was born and lived most of her life in Canberra, except for a few years on the Sunshine Coast.Ursula is the youngest of six children.Ursula has a 24-year-old daughter. She has also been blessed with a granddaughter.Ursula’s favourite colour changes and now it’s bright orange.Ursula’s favourite food is Mediterranean and Japanese.She has only ever read one entire book cover to cover and that book was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.Ursula has done extensive travel when she was younger. She was 15 when she did her first trip. She went to Thailand to see her dad, unaccompanied.Ursula is the founder and managing director of a boutique executive support firm called Capital EA, it primarily upholds senior executives and their assistants.Ursula’s passion aligns with what she does naturally. And that is uplifting people acknowledging their space and truly connecting to this spirit.You can find Ursula here: https://www.instagram.com/capitalcea/ ----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   I actually think body images is right up there in these categories. Because if it's not treated early, the cycle ultimately repeats itself and you you can carry that you know through yet that you your entire life and through other generations.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to The My Body My Story project, and today with us in the studio Ursula. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, Nicole is creating her magic and doing makeup for her. And I'll be chatting with Ursula and asking her questions. And let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Hi, Alex. It's lovely firstly, to have me here. I feel like I'm really going to have a great day with you and I look forward to continuing to watch and see what other women come through this journey. So 10 facts about myself. I'm 48 years old, born in Canberra in our nation's capital. I've lived there all of my life apart from living on the sunshine Sunshine Coast for a few years, but I did come back to Canberra. I'm the founder and managing director of a boutique executive support firm called capital EA, it primarily uphold senior executives and their assistants. We work all across Australia. My favourite colour changes at the moment, but I'm loving a really bright orange. My favourite food is Mediterranean and Japanese. I've only ever read one entire book cover to cover and that book was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.   That's an interesting fact.   I that is the only book I've ever read, cover to cover. I have a 24 year old daughter whose friends are also my children. I have also been blessed with a granddaughter. I've experienced marriage love loss, separation and soulmate connections. And my passion aligns to what I do naturally. And that is uplifting people acknowledging their space and truly connecting to this spirit. For me, that's what I earn is meaningful and deep connections. I'm the youngest of six born to an incredible lineage of strength, courage, compassion, and wisdom. And I suppose part of the reason why I've accepted the invitation to come here today is probably in big part is the courage side of things, which does come from my mother. So my mother's side, and family history of living in a time of the World War Two and experiencing a lot of hardship, which is, I guess, part of my journey today is looking at my life in retrospect and seeing really what's carried me through my life's pathway and everything I've done from, you know, from young to now. And I can say that a big part of my DNA is because of their courage. And it's always the courage to do things step out of the comfort zone, tense today, stepping out of, you know, taking risks. You know, with starting a business, it all comes back to having courage. So it is nice to be in this position today to know that I take my hat off to them to give me the life I have today.   So I know you listed all these facts, but we spoke before. And I know there's more interesting stories behind those facts. I'll just go one by one first. You mentioned that you have your own business and the name of the business. So what exactly do you do?   Yeah, so I said what I did was I started a business from replicating what I did in my everyday role. And it was in the role I've always served for over 30 years I've looked after senior executives in achieving their goals. And when I is doing that role, I recognise that there were certain aspects or or arms of that role that really needed to be given attention. And to have balance in the role, essentially. And they were that you needed to put on a mentor coaching hat. So to always pay it forward and to coach others and teach others what you've learned yourself. So I hence in my business, I have a coaching. And I have a training and education arm that always gives back to the community and industry that's given me a lot of life experience. And the other is help with finding the right people finding a match and finding the fit to be acceptable for people. Because if you're going to be successful in a, a relationship, you need to really work on that, that match that fit that works in terms of values and an understanding each other's you know, remit where people want to go in life. That's something that's often too often overlooked. And I think that's really important part of our role today is to help people find the right people to work with them. And then there's a concierge service it again, it's in the realm of looking after people who are really busy, and we just take up all their personal private life stuff. And Board Secretariat, which is minute taking, essentially doing all the minutes in bits and pieces. So I did that in my job. And then I replicated it as a business. And then that business took off 10 years ago. And now I've just managed to kind of step back a little bit from it, because my daughter and her very close friend and another like my own daughter works in my business along with another seven others that work kind of external to us to keep the wheels on the on the vehicle, so to speak.   Great, so where people can find you?   so they can find us on all social media platforms. One if it's looking online, so Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, and then we're based in Canberra, but we work all across Australia. So yeah,   great. So so you're you're available via the Zoom call, or   yes, yeah, Team zoom. Anyway, we connect with everyone any way that they they can.   And I'll put the link in the description of your episodes or so people can find you if they interested.   Thank you.   Excellent. So also, you mentioned about your family story, which is a very interesting, and you didn't tell us some facts about your grandfather, and the bear. And so when you say that courage is your family history? What exactly do you mean? And if you can tell us a bit more about your family stories? I found it very interesting.   Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, so my, the history is my mother's side is Russian, Ukrainian. And my father's is Austrian. But Mum sort of merged into Germany because she had to flee Russia during the war. And they had to, they had to kind of pack up in the middle of the night, her father had already been taken, or had been taken away, and which she can only assume was the gas chambers back then. So my grandfather was taken in the night and she was six years old at the time, they had she had a younger, younger brother, an older brother. So there was the three of them and my mum, they, they walked extensively into the northern part of Germany to get away from, you know, from being potentially killed. So one of the things that happened along that journey, though, was quite significant that her younger brother froze to death on that on that track, so they only had their little bag each and when they met the when they met the guards on along the way. My grandmother taught my mother how to speak German. So by the time they got there, they had apparently she's they boiled their passports in sauerkraut. And, you know, removed all the ink. And then when they got to the border, they all spoke German and my grandmother had already spoken German because she was the chef at IT office of the KGB, which is just crazy to think about. When I think about all of these stories that I heard I was like, what what what yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, book is needed and but they managed to get through the the check in point and after that they lived in Germany.   What year was it?   Look, this is the thing that's all modelled to me and I have to get it was it? No, no, no. Yeah, those 40s 40s in the World War Two,   World War Two.   So, yeah, and then eventually they got settled again in Germany and my, my grandmother was the, I suppose the stoic one in at all losing her husband and she eventually remarried a German man that apparently was really supportive and would do anything for her in life. And they eventually decided to come out to Australia. And that was with my mom, her brother, Hannah and, and her and her new husband. And they, they decided to land in, well, they had to get the ship to Perth, and then from Perth, they went to Sydney, and they settled in Fairfield. And on that ship over is where she met my dad. Yeah, and Austrian blonde headed blue eyed. Oh, cute. Ostrich was she she was actually seven years older than him. He was younger. So she was she must have been like 20. And he was like, 22 or 20. So quite young. But she was older. Yeah. And then he was on his way over to the snowy mountain scheme to work. You know, as a, he here, he'd heard all about Australia and working on that snowy mountain scheme and was going to be his ticket into Australia. But apparently, when he got there, and he started working there, he could just think about my mom. And so he had used to come and bang on the door in Fairfield. Quite a few times. And my grandmother tried to get rid of him, but she didn't like, you know, she she she? I don't know. She just said to watch him. Yeah. Famous last words. And yeah, anyway, ma'am. Eventually, she said that he nagged so much that she thought if she doesn't go on a date with him that he won't go away. So she gave up, she gave up. Yeah. And she went on a date with them. And then they ended up getting married. And they live, they continue to live in Sydney, they had their first four children in Sydney. And then the last two, which is me and my sister, I'm the youngest. We were born in Canberra. Yeah. So there is quite a journey that my The other point I was saying that was quite amazing. And part of my history, and I suppose is that my great grandfather got taken by a black bear in the forest when he was out hunting. So yeah, there's, I mean, I guess in those parts of the world, you're going to come across some very difficult days, particularly in that time of World War Two as well. Yeah.   So that was the time right after war when they moved to Australia. So it was like a land of hope,   the land of hope, with a suitcase, nothing but a suitcase. And that, I guess, that resonates with me, you know, like how do people start a whole new life with just a suitcase and the just the courage it takes to do something like that, but then also the hope to fulfil a life or life in developing yourself, you know, making your own money. And out of the six children, there's, there's actually, well, there was three that actually did make their own money, then they are the ones that have decided to go back into doing other things, but two of us are now quite strongly connected to just making our own self worth. And we don't rely on anyone, we're quite independent girls. So she had four girls, two boys, and out of the girls, I guess you could say that we're all very independent. We each have a a level of resilience in us to survive and thrive. And I think that comes from her definitely.   I think it's also it's, it stays in gene in blood of next generations, you know, the stories of moving countries or being brave to start all over again. And it's like, the spirit of adventure as well and spirit of in strength, you know, and courage to do that. Because being an immigrant myself and moving countries twice in my life, I know it's quite a hard decision, you know, and also starting business and I think that if I didn't move countries I've made though I will, I've always wanted to help my own business, but it just helped me to realise that nothing is impossible and it's okay to start. It's hard to start from zero. Like I imagined You have a courage you're working with companies you like you have security of your salary. And you know, everyone knows you. And then you have to leave it all and start your own business.   Yeah. Yeah. It's more daunting than I think we realise. Because when I talk to people, when people say to me, Oh, how did you do that? I want to start my own business or how, you know, what did you do? And I think, wow, I don't know. Like, I honestly just think I just I took the step, I just stepped off and thought, I've got no one, I've got no backup. If I'm gonna survive, you know, I've got to, I've got to make this happen. And I was also prepared to, I was also prepared to lose and go, you know, what, if I don't try, how am I going to know whether I'm going to survive, so I'm going to have to try to give this a go. And, you know, you'll always fall you'll always find something in life to do you know, like, I don't have any worries about making money, for instance, because I know that I will always be find, I will always find a way. You know, always it's more that I want to be doing something that I'm passionate about and that I'm feel wholesome with doing. Because there's a lot of time that's spent in our lives. Just living right existing. You want to make every part of your time to be valuable. Yeah, definitely. Yeah.   It's just listening to myself. You know, when you talk, I was like, exactly.   You're gonna finish my sentence. Oh, well, I told you when I met when I first I said this was all divine intervention. I knew there was gonna be something there that I was like, I'm gonna have fun and yeah, so it's   very interesting. I mean, its amazing story like and also I wanted to ask you about being a sixth child, like a last child in the family, number six. Was it kind of they gave up on you. Oh, you were the most loved one. Like there are two options for kids.   If you asked my sisters and brother, they would say I was the most loved when they still claim that? Yeah, I got away with murder. But I was definitely planned. Because there was one other daughter they had two years prior to me who wasn't as planned. And then they didn't want to leave her on her own. So they wanted to put some other child there with this company. Fancy having a baby for company. But that's what they did. And yeah, I was and you know what? It's, I can honestly say that I feel I feel that I was the most connected with them. I'm still the only one that's connected to my Well, one other sister but not as much. With my dad. He left. We did lose one brother. Tragically, and after that it kind of tore our family apart a little bit. We were a pretty close knit family. We're all quite active. We did adventures together. You know, Dad taught us how to snow ski. He taught us how to water ski. We had a you know, house down the south coast that we could all go to as a family. We always had somewhere to go we all had our own skis, snow boots, you know, our own everything. Including with waterskiing, as well. You know, we were always quite adventurous as a big family. But after Robin died. Yeah, it did kind of shift, the dynamic shifted. So that eventually incurred a marriage breakdown. And dad left when I was 14 to go live in Thailand. So he's, yeah, he's been mostly he's quite entrepreneurial as well. He's lived over there most of Well, yeah, most of my life now. Realistically, I did actually go over and visit him quite regularly. So my adventure started to kind of spawn from seeing the world a little bit when I was quite young. And when I think back then to you know, the first trip I did I think I was 15.   Or where did you go?   I went, I went to Thailand, unaccompanied, like at 15. And I had to find where he lived, which was quite obscure. He was right down in the south of Thailand on a in a very remote area called Koh Lanta, which is about a 30 minute ferry from peepee Island and two hours from Krabi. Essentially, he ended up taking stock of a restaurant and a restaurant over a pier. And the ferry used to arrive at that PR and then he'd have like this big sitting around restaurant and then during the day, he had a bakery and he used to bring people from Switzerland to come and bake for him. So there was a Swiss bake house in the middle of this tiny island, then who would buy the the tourists? So wait, there was a lot of tourists that used to dive? Yeah. Paddy divers, and they used to have lots of people, including famous people come there, because it was just the most special, most magic place. You know, I'd seen I was lucky that I used to go there for trips for four and five weeks and dad used to just book a bungalow on the beach for me at the age of 14. And I would just spend like my Christmas holidays sitting in this bungalow on the beach in the most remote area of Thailand. It was really it was magical. It was really my favourite place to in the world to visit. Look, my favourite and I have done extensive travel when I was younger. And there's a question about what age I would want to go back to when it was at that age. And we will get but it's it's it's grace. I'm yet to see Turkey, but it is. It was and I've gone back to return to Greece. And there's just something special about Greece. Yeah, I love I love the people. I feel like I fit in there. And that people are my sort of people. I love the food being Mediterranean and just all my favourite things. Yeah, I love the blue skies and the the serenity of it. Yeah.   Okay. Well, you mentioned that, I'll ask you this question that if you could go back to any age, what it would be why, and what advice would you give yourself at that age.   So the age is 21. And it was the time I actually decided to travel the world. And I took 12 months to do that, which was looking back, you know, and at the time, it was sensational. It provided me a whole new opportunity of life and to understand that, you know, you don't need to live in a box, you need to keep looking outside the box in life. And that's what that trip did for me. When I came back, I was an entirely different person. And what the advice I would give myself back then is the world as you've witnessed is wonderous. Don't settle for anything less. That's the advice I would have given myself. Yeah, it's   good advice. So moving to the ageing theme of our podcast. I'd like to ask you What does ageing means to you?   Yes, so ageing is it's been transformative for me. When reflecting on particular stages of the process. I feel it's bittersweet. I guess, when you start your life, you lacked the experience to fully understand ageing. Hence, hindsight is a wonderful thing. But as you age, you have so much more clarity in a body that I feel is a little more fragile. Well, fragile, fragile, perhaps in? Well, depending on how you've treated your body, you know, so if you've, if you've been, you know, exercising hard, maybe it's not so fragile. If you've, if you've succumb childbirth or other health related issues through life, it just isn't what it was when you were younger. Yeah, it your legs hurt more, your hips are a little more sore. Yeah, that kind of fragility, too.   So if your body could talk, what it would tell you or ask you, at the moment,   it would say stop putting pollutants into me. Love and nurture me and take more time to move.   Good. So you want to ask for healthy stuff for itself. So it does. What do you think? What do you think are the main causes of our body image, insecurities or issues?   I think the main causes for body image issues or being a being witness to an accumulative response from both a conscious and non conscious way in which people live their lives. So for me this began at childhood from being raised in a fairly high level loaded personal vanity kind of arena. And which I think was a knock on effect for for for instance, my mom, you know, she would have had that come down from her mother, wearing particular clothing, you know, skirts and shoes and hair, the hair was always the subject. Oh my gosh, the hair. But yeah, that I think it's a knock on effect, you know. So it just continues to go through and the cycle repeats itself, so to speak. So like, like any family trauma, you know, that's travelled through generations, whether it be violence, addiction abuse, I actually think body images is right up there in these categories. Because if it's not treated early, the cycle ultimately repeats itself. And you you can carry that, you know, st yet that you your entire life, and through other generations. That's the way I see it.   I like your answer that think it's the first time I hear such a different answer to this question. Yeah, so it's interesting that I actually think exactly the same. And I think it's people say social media. I think it's like a trigger for all that stuff you mentioned. Yeah, it comes from somewhere else. Outside. Yeah. And it just interesting. It's exactly that now days, people are more educated about them. Trauma as you know how it works. But old days, it was just transferred from one generation to another rule. The rules as you said, yeah, how you have to dress how you have like, I remember my grandmother. When I was a teenager, I came to visit to visit her and different city and I was wearing trousers, and she told me No way. When you go outside with me, no trousers. You are a girl. I want you to wear skirts. Yes. And I was shocked them also why what's wrong with me wearing trousers? Yes. Yeah, so that's interesting. Yes,   I'm sure me. Yeah, I always had to wear skirts. Yeah. skirts and stockings. Yeah. And, you know, nice shoes, and my hair always had to be done. But yeah, it came from you know, I don't I don't blame her girl rules. Yes, that's right. And, yeah, that came from her mother and the way she was raised. So I actually do think there is something in that that the same as a family trauma going through, you know, how they often say, Oh, your father hit so and so because because his father hit him. And I think body image is right there up there with a trauma, a family trauma, like something that continues for generations, you know,   I also think that those rules were based on the position of men and women in the society. So you by dressing yourself up and being a good girl, you're supposed to be competitive among other candidates for good husband, you know, yes. So And nowadays, women are more independent, they will, they don't need to look good to meet a good partner or to be happy. So that's why it's changing. So but the old days, it was kind of a competition among other women. So you have to look your best. So you've been, you will be chosen by a good man.   Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense as well. Yeah. So   that's interesting. My observation, like all my analysis of that subject, which I was thinking a lot about, obviously, because we did this podcast are one of the reasons Yes. And so I know, like, I know the answer, but they're just I want to go a bit deeper into this question. So what do you think are the effects of negative body image on the relationship I'm talking about? Not just a partner relationship, but any relationship with friends, co workers, whatever.   Yeah, I think it's how it affects it. It's quite it's big in life. You know, it's played a huge impact on my relationships. My, my, my body image. You know, my weight. It really has said, particularly with my family, you know, they, because I, you know, I was probably the Well, I am the largest out of the six out of the four girls and six children. Um, definitely the largest. And there was in terms of weight. Yeah, size. Yeah. And weight. Yeah, definitely. And that played a big impact on I think they wanted me to kind of fit in a little bit better with them. So, you know, that I've actually, I've actually ended, you know, there was a, you know, a relationship in my own family that I've had to end Have the pure grace of trying to, you know, pull myself out of feeling like this. This kind of body image is going to be their number one objective. Because every time I saw them it was, you know, why do you look like that? Or why don't you do something about yourself? Or, you know, why don't you have? Why don't you? You know, like, you'll feel better if you do something just constant was   another family trauma.   Yeah. And other family trauma. So, yeah, so I, yeah, I think that's it's paid a big impact and thinking back even when I was younger, as a child as well,   what did it make you feel worse about yourself?   I just always felt like I was singled out. Like, I felt very isolated. Like, I didn't feel like I was with them. And ultimately, I became the ultimate the black sheep. Yeah, bullying is bullying. Yeah, it is bullying. And I did, I found that I was very different from them. And that I was kind of, definitely, I suddenly I stood out as the black sheep of the family, because of my body. But did it make me a lesser person later in life? No, it didn't. In fact, I think, I think now, when I, you know, look at that kind of part of my life, I recognise that, that I actually fought to rise above it. And I ultimately accepted the challenge. And it provided me with the resilience and determination and courage I have today. That's in a way that bullying did the total reverse flip on me? And, you know, yeah, I would say that I've become more successful because of it. Yeah, definitely.   Because you, you were resisting   Yeah, I was just resisting it. But as a, as a child, you know, when does thinking about to that as a child, you know, going through that process of being a bit chubbier and bigger as well, I actually took on when you say, how does it affect relationships? I actually took on I had to be humorous, so I thought if I was funny, they wouldn't notice my weight. So I became quite a, a joker, you know, I was,   it's a very famous masks. Like, yeah, to cover your insecurities. Like yes, in psychology, there's a different masks people put on. And Joker is one of them.   I became the Joker, like, everyone thought I was really funny. And, and I thought, Oh, that's good. They can't see my weight. They can only see my, my humour. When I think back to that, and that is good. But yeah, I was nice have changed.   Since then, are you still…   I think the humour, I think the humour is still there, it will actually what I've recognised when I, when I go to humour, or when I think of it, it is during intense stressful periods. So when I say that, so working with high level executive, going through their profession and their lifestyle, and you know what they're doing in life, it was actually a skill that was very needed, because I can defuse a stressful situation very quickly, and make light of something that suddenly doesn't appear so heavy. So I ended up using it again later in life, but who would ever think that at that young age that it would have come in and today, I do see life as take it, take it LiDAR, take a look at things a little lighter stuff. You know, if people come with me with really heavy issues, I always think, let's let's deconstruct this and just look at what it really is. Because it's probably just one little thing there that's built up around all these other objects in your mind, you know, and I tried to use humour to bring it out. And it kind of works in a way. I don't know how it's like,   you're talking about me, exactly the same approach I take when I'm in the stressful situation. And it's, it's naturally it's I didn't, I didn't make made it. Like, I didn't invent it. No, I just, it came naturally. And I realised that I'm still learning to use it. Deliberately. Not instinctively. Yeah. Cuz instinctively when I am in danger and dangerous situation, I noticed that I started being humorous. And I thought it's a great actually tool that to release the stress.   Yeah, release the stress. That's the way I do it.   Yeah. So I love it. So do you. Is that your way to overcome body related insecurities or you have other ways and has it changed with age?   Yeah, Look, I, I now declare it, I declare it and I, I put, like putting a potential conflict of interest on the table. You know, I simply say, Hey, I've got some insecurities when it comes to my body. We've had a journey, me and my body. And while I'm still learning to love my body, there's certain attachments associated to it that I've constructed major lifetime choices around. So and that will be with me for the rest of my life. And honestly, most people get it when I kind of put it to them like that. Yeah. Yeah. And that, you know, the lifetime decisions have come in. Because, yeah, the back in the time, you know, when I've said something about going back to 21. And saying, the world as you've witnessed this, I wonder if don't settle? Well, obviously, there's a component there that I felt I did settle. And, and that was probably due to the fact that I didn't think I could really do much more with myself, because I had a low opinion of myself in my, my looks and my body and everything. I've just, you know, I'm just now transitioning, you know, at 48 to start again. And, you know, I'm yeah, I'm on this. I am on a journey right now. Right now, you've caught me. Right? Right. And you caught me, right, and the journey phase of, yeah, looking at a whole new chapter in my life. So   it's so interesting that we are learning to love our bodies, when our bodies start to deteriorate. That's so true. While when we had our perfect bodies, we hated that. And we felt that something wrong with that, and then only when we feel that it's getting older, and you know, more fragile, as you said, and you know, in some in some kind of deteriorating, we just suddenly decide, no, I have to love whatever is left. So I think maybe it's the rule that we realise the value of that when we start losing something.   Yeah, look, I think there is that definitely. And, yeah, and losing something and losing people in your life. Like suddenly you start to have people around you that pass or there's people that take on different journeys as well. And you think, wow, we, yeah, life's short, right, life short, and you need to take stock, because we all get on our, I think we all get on our pathways in life. And, you know, we, you know, we enjoy it, we go on holidays, we meet people, we, you know, live to work or work to live whichever one takes your fancy, you know, we do various things in life that, that do see our days our way. But I think there's probably three significant times where suddenly, on your journey, there's a there's a reset, or there's something that just happens, you know, whether whether it be love loss, it could be health issues, you know, there's things that just make you hit the reset button. But there's significantly Yeah, I for myself, I see probably three. Yeah, hitting the reset button. I've just hit my second one.   So you still have time.   We still have time. Yeah, we do we do.   So my last question in this body related sector is, do you have ways of bringing yourself into body shape you want and again, has a change with age. Like for example, you look at yourself in the mirror saying, Okay, I need to or you don't bother.   Now, I think everyone has a solution to for working on their body image that they want. The truth for me right now is all about love. If you work on loving yourself first, I know that that's a quote that just continues to happen. But this is this situation I'm in in terms of just learning to love myself right now. And I think the preconceived body image that I'm looking for will probably come to fruition through that love. I think I'll learn to love myself more through that, you know, look at seeing that that image in my head of whatever that is will just come to fruition. That's a psychological it's a psychological thing. Yeah, though, probably will when you were younger, you tried to do some physical exercise dieting, or you never did that. No, I did it just it never stuck with me. You know, I mean, how many times for me, I went on a diet all the bloody time. And then I and then I went I lost you know, five kilos, and you know, I remember the family or you lost five kilos, and then you know, I don't know three weeks later. Oh, it's back on again. Yeah, I mean, I can't sustain something like that. It's just, it's just not who I am. It's just not who I who I am, you know. So it's more about finding that love in me to love and nurture me and just, yeah, I will love my body. I know I will. Once I've found that I love myself again. I think I will love my body. So we'll see, I might have to come back and tea whether it happens on   would be interesting. So my last question is if you have any favourite court or saying about being a woman,   so my mission in life as a woman is not merely to survive, but to thrive, and to do so with passion, compassion, humour, and some style and that's from Maya Angelou. There you go.   Very nice. Thank you, Ursula, thank you very much for such interesting conversation. Thank you. And I hope you will enjoy the rest of your day with us and photo shoots.   I'm really looking forward to this and thank you, thank you for having something like this for women to come to, to experience I really appreciate it. It's lovely.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

We invited Jason to be our first male Guest Speaker when he came to the studio to help his wife Kylie (Podcast Episode #87) with her bags. We had a chat about how men see aging and body image issues. We found it interesting to compare the view from a man’s side on this topic. Jason had some great insights and philosophy on aging. ----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   Women are amazing, like, like, they have the hardest part of life, like with what women have to go through. It's not just childbirth, but what's thrown at women through life. I don't think there's many men that can deal with, with all of that at once.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to The My Body My Story projects. And today we have a special episode a special guest in our studio. It's Jason, hi is a husband of Kylie, our previous episode, hero. And we decided to do this episode and ask a man what he thinks about ageing and body image issues. And I'm looking forward to this interview. Hello, Jason. Welcome to the podcast. And I'd like to ask you a question which I asked Kylie before. What do you think about ageing? What it means to you?   Okay, well, thank you for having me. From a man's view, because obviously they can they can vary slightly. But ageing, ageing, for me is not. It's something that I haven't necessarily thought about until later on in life, like, as you start to get older and start to realise that, you know, you can't do everything that you should do when you're younger.   I'm sorry to ask you that. What's your age?   just turned 50. We're talking about 50. So I'm any young.   Still a young man   yeah, you do start to realise that you're not as capable of physically doing what you would like to be doing, though. I'm still quite physically fit. But yeah, I'm definitely slowing down. Not that's it used to be like, not in your 20s. And, like, the number doesn't mean anything to me. And, like, I'm not, I'm not worried about you know, getting older or necessarily ageing, it's just, yeah, working out that, yeah, you start to realise your mortality, and that you're not going to live forever. And, and as you get older, that's where you, you might start to think about your regrets in life, or, you know, what, you haven't done what you still want to achieve. I, you know, talking to a lot of my mates. I know, that's the sort of things that they're starting to talk about when they're older.   so you do have those   Definitely. 100% Yeah, so yeah, everyone may have that. But yeah, I, for myself, in particular, you start to reminisce about your younger days, or, you know, what you still want to do in life? And are you capable of doing that anymore? I suppose that's where that fear might come in. Are you capable of doing what? What you still want to do?   So when you just suddenly start realising the mortality? So what's the first your first thought, Oh, I haven't done this, this and I have to do it or like, what's the next thoughts after realising the mortality?   I think it's, yeah, it's thinking more I do want to do this, but can I do it now? Men in particular get so wrapped up in work and providing and that side of life that as much as mothers give up so much for their family and their children. I think men do a little bit as well, but they just don't talk about it. So but that's I think hits him later on in life like, oh, maybe I could have done this or maybe I could have done that. Not as a regret in you know, having a family or you know, being married or anything just maybe just thinking about what could have been, I suppose. Not in a bad way.   It's missed opportunities. Yeah,   yeah. But yeah, age, age for most men, I think is just a number. They don't get judged as much by society for a man's age as a woman would. Not a fair system, but it's definitely out there. And how it works.   So we discussed with Kylie before in the previous episode (#88) about kids coming out of the house,  leaving the house. So woman start feeling like lost, like what am I if not a mother? So what happens to fathers? Like, what do they feel when kids leave house?   I think for me, it's similarly I don't think you want to I don't think you want your children to leave. Because I think you've from a man's point of view, it's harder to protect them when they're not under your wings, so to speak. So I think men go through a different process of worry, worrying about their children, especially in particularly our daughter, like, I'll worry about her going out into the world and, and she'll make her own mistake she has to and I'm just worried about her getting hurt.   So protection,   yeah, I think the protection to speak for guys. So it's drummed into us. From a young age, I think more than anything, so it's   not because it's like women, they're more worried about staying alone or just not how to say that they're not needed anymore. Like, but the men is more about They're not able to provide this protection,   but probably what you just said then, even though not being needed, as well, you also have men definitely go through that. Yeah, we need to update we need to fill that were useful.   And you mentioned about that story that you were one of your friends said that he feels that the young generation he has so many, so much to share. And the young generation   Yeah, now, one of one of my, one of my work customers, elderly guy, you know, mid 60s, very intelligent, very successful man. And yeah, he said to me a few weeks ago that, you know, when he's talking to the younger generation, now, they're not looking at him as someone who can, they can learn off anymore, they seem to be looking through him, like he's invisible. Like, he has no benefit to society anymore. Whereas, like this particular person, it would be would change their lives if they actually listened to what he had to say. But he goes they they just tend to follow him off now as you know, maybe being too old to help me or wait understand our generation and there's definitely generational gaps there. But yeah, what he's been doing for the for, for our economy and and for the last 40 odd years. That process hasn't change. And yeah, he he definitely still got a lot to offer.   Do you feel that men also need to get an opportunity when they get all this experience in life experience and knowledge that at some point they need to get a chance to share it? So it's important thing for men?   I think yeah, they want to I think it's more about like knowing that you've made maybe a difference you're going to be remembered for something like you're you know, you're not just going to be forgotten when you when you go on one day so like I want to I want to know that it made a difference to the children's lives to call these life yeah, my family friends like everyone sort of wants to it comes down to feeling wanted and needed I suppose. But I think everyone craves that a little bit appreciation of what basic appreciation covers most things in life I think   and what industry you're in?   electrician by trade? Yeah, so but even I have my days where I just feel like there's something better i could have been doing it. I've had a very, very good life. Don't get me wrong. I'm very happy. I'm surrounded by amazing people. You know, I've had my ups and downs like Everyone has. Yeah, that's just life you have to either move through it or a year, or your stop.   So do you have your own business?   I do Yeah.     So you’ra  business businessman?   Yeah, it's only a sole trader. But that's why I want to.   I'm also sole trader.   Yes. I don't want to be too busy, I like to be able to wake up and decide my job. Yeah. Not be reliant on, you know, having to sort of nine to five. I don't want to be, I want to be shackled into that sort of business.   But it's, it also takes a guts you have to be brave to make this decision. Because your own business, it's never definite. Nothing is. So you mentioned that coming back to some age. So I'd like to ask you this question. So if you could go back to any age of yours. Yeah, what it would be and what would you say to yourself?   Definitely, definitely mid 30s. I loved my mid 30s. So I just think you're at an age where you're mature enough to start making some better decisions. You're oviya sort of, you know, your teen years of just wanting to go out and party. You can still do that. But you you know more mature Yeah, you get cheaper car insurance. Now, it's just I just see if the 30s was were when probably time period where I was. I everything was lining up, you know, like, and I created that to like, that was something I worked very hard for but yeah, I just think it was a good, good age to not feel too old but not feel too young. If that makes any sense whatsoever.   In your prime?   Yeah, well, yeah. That's probably a good way of putting it. But yeah, like there's obviously other many factors there. But yeah, def definitely a better time of my life.   So what would you say to yourself from your now? from the point you are now? To the younger guy?   It's that million dollar question. If I, if I knew what I knew. Now, back then, life would be a lot different. But you know, I know what I know. Now, because of the mistakes or the all the wins I've had in life as well. Like, it's not all negative, which is hate to positive in life. So like, I actually, when I was 19, I had I was I was treated for for cancer. And that, that changed my whole view on on most of life. So and it's, I don't look at that as a negative, I look at that as a positive my life. Because I did it, it opened my eyes to so many things that I wasn't focusing on, because I was sort of too interested in being a teenager. But this is such a life test. Yeah, but even if I even if I had the chance to change that, I wouldn't, I would still keep that as part of.   So men do need to do their own mistakes, too.   And yeah, as much as you want to try and stop people from especially children from making their own mistakes, you have to because it's the only way you can really learn. It's just the thing that worries me or scares me is. You know, your children can be out there or yourself can make that mistake, but it's the difference between learning from it, or continuing on making the same mistakes. That's, that's probably the fee from a male point of view of, especially around children and my daughter. You know, she's gotta go out. She's got to choose her silly things that happened. But hopefully she learns that she doesn't want to do that again, and it never happens again. But it's the fear of that continuing to happen. That's probably and you can't, it's very hard to stop that. Yeah. And yeah, that comes from knowledge and experience of doing those same mistakes. So it is a little bit hypocritical, sort of saying, I made these mistakes, but I don't want you to go make them. But   I think that your task as a parent is to try and stop it. And then again, the next task, let it go after that. Yeah, yeah. So your task is basically to say, Don't do that. And then let it go because you did what you were required and And then you work within yourself, like trying to not to get to worry about that, because they will still kids will do mistakes again and again.   It happens, it's been happening for hundreds of years. I don't think it's going to stop now somehow. Yeah.   So, also, I'd like to ask you about the body image issues. And so what's your view on what's the main causes of body image issues? Where it comes from?   Are they like, similar to what Kylie said before? Our, our society and media and a lot of those platforms that, that everyone uses not just, you know, children, like even, you know, older people aren't myself. There is so much pressure out there to be something else. So, or, you know, to have something that you don't have. It's, it's a bit sad, actually, that we are that sort of society. Yeah, people can't just be themselves without judgement. Like, I think for a man, it is easier, because men have What do you miss 100% with a year, but we probably don't talk about it. As often, you know, like, a girl talk to a girlfriend about it. blokes not going to sit at a pub and talk to his mate about something like that.   I know you cannot talk for men, but generally knowing because you talk to your, mates and the courts, the main women his weight, generally, how they slim or not slim. So what's the biggest issue for men?   Men, men are quite simple creatures. It's about the attraction from the other sex primarily. So I'll give that information away for free. Men want to be attractive? Yeah, yeah. So you know, men who definitely have weight issues. We can tend to push that aside a little bit more or, or laugh at off. It doesn't mean it's going away. It's still there in our head. But, you know, men have that push persona that they, they can't, they can't talk about that. Or, you know, they that they're meant to be tougher than that type thing. So and there's nothing wrong with being that either. I think sometimes we can overthink stuff. Yeah, definitely. And that that affects that affects your mental status. If you if you're constantly worrying about a certain thing, that has to have an effect on you and the people around you and the relationship. Yeah, whereas guys will maybe still think about it, but they'll they'll forget about after a little while and might come back to it again. But we I think we can definitely isolate those thoughts. A bit more than than the women. Yeah. So what about Texas? But yeah,   what about rivalry? Between men? So do you have this issues? Because you want to look better than your friend?   Oh, yeah. And every guy like, compare a good looking guy walking down the street and go, Why can't I be? Oh, yeah, no, everyone does it. Everyone does it. And if they're not doing it, they'll think they're lying about it. So yeah, everyone's the same. And you know, men come down to other issues that they they're in competition with. So but yeah, here, close, we go through all the same staff. Just it's just on a slightly lower level, I believe.   Yeah, it's not that intense. And it's quick of process.   Like if we don't like our hair, it's, you know, it's a $30 haircut for us. gets a haircut. Yeah, if, if a female wants to change your hair, it can cost hundreds of dollars, you know, so it's also a monetary thing. So not everyone has the money to change their image if they're not happy with it. So   unless a man starts losing his hair   has a lot of guys, but that also comes down from the fact that you know, same thing with social media. And you know, it's out there that men are meant to have this full flowing header here. And like I'm balding my back. And to be honest, I don't even think about it until someone pointed out to me, because I can't see it. Yeah, it doesn't affect me in any way, shape or form. Because if someone's not happy with my haircut, that that really is a problem to deal with. Not not mine.   So you came to another question I want to ask you. How you deal, if you have, from time to time any body insecurity, so how you deal with that?   I think the simplest way for me to deal with it would have been to do those normal things like if I wasn't, men like to look good in nice shirts and stuff, so and I am quite a bad person for buying clothes. I like new clothes, or like, fill in new clothes a lot, look into your clothes. But as Carly's mentioned before, that, that that doesn't last forever. So you know, I've never been the type of person who will go and spend hours in the gym to try and get muscle league like, I'm not, I'm not an unfit person, I'm getting a bit heavier in my older years. Yeah, but like, I'm a tradesman, I'm always quite active anyway. But I, I have never seen the point in going into washing yourself for hours to try and get muscles that people may not appreciate. So I had one in particular, one gentleman who he would spend six hours at the gym every day. And it was to meet a particular type of woman that wanted that sort of body shape. And I said to him one day, we were having a chat at work. And I said to him, Well, you've met this woman, she loves you for the person you are. And I posed the question to him of what happens, you know, when you stop maintaining that, like, if that's what she's attracted to, you would need to maintain that to continue that relationship. And he actually said to me, yeah, that, like he agreed, he goes, if I want to keep this, this woman in my life, I need to continue down this track. So and it was it was taking its toll on him. So I think he actually thought about that. Because earlier about six, seven months later, he had stopped that process. And he wasn't with her anymore. But yeah, and that, I think, is the shallow part of our society as well. People do. Yeah, don't look further than what they can see in front of them. And I think that's quite fake. And I don't think it's very real. And yeah, that's my opinion. Obviously. I want you know, I want the I want the genuine part of the relationship, like the person that you actually meet, which is one of the reasons when and many reasons I fell in love with Kylie but, and one of the things and I've said this all along is one of the things I love about Kylie is her age.   Why?   Because she's who she going to be now. It's very hard to change later on in life. Well, not to change but you genuinely know who you are when you're older.   So how long you've been together?   We've only been together six years. Like we've both been married before. My first marriage was fine, but we got married too young. And we both Yeah, it wasn't a bad thing. We both became different people so it wasn't going to work out so and if I had met Kylie when I was younger then she wouldn't have had that journey where she'd had her children so when   When you were looking for your four partner or maybe not looking but considering a new partner, you were not looking for younger woman?   now I wanted to always look for someone my own age so after 45 We're the best. Not college beautiful woman so we have a lot of things in common and you know one of that is our age and similarities in what we want in life so yeah, I wouldn't change anything.   spiritual connection, but obviously Kylie is a very attractive woman.   Now she's beautiful. But ya know, I knew with Kylie from I think the second date something like that, that this was going to be something different than special so and haven't looked back since and gained four beautiful children out of it. So win win for me   Okay, so when your partner woman, just suddenly feels insecure about her body. What would be your words of support to her? Like, what's your thoughts? How would you help her with to go through that?   It's a tricky situation. We can get in trouble both ways for that. Exactly. Yeah, you did many, many different ways you can support that situation. So I don't look at that as, like, I just, I just want to be there for Carl, if he's going through those moments, so not every man, not every man's like me, unfortunately. So. But there is a lot of us out there. I, I think, like men men want to ask, especially myself, they want to problem solve, they want to solve things. So and that's where we're not fantastic at listening. So, like, we'll listen. But then we need to come up with an answer. Because internally, that's how most of our brains work. So I need to pull myself backwards a little bit when Carly is going through those maybe those moments and just maybe listen, like, I don't have to come up with an answer. As much as I want to, and I still will try and come up with the answer in my head. I don't need to verbalise it. So I think just having someone there to support it is most times enough. So like, I tell Kylie, I will love her every day multiple times. So she knows I love her. But I don't know whether there's a lot I can do to change that process. Because that's something internal. Yeah, that's something like everyone, everyone can change themselves, but they have to want to change so. And hopefully she doesn't come across negative. But like Kylie knows what she needs to do to change so I don't need to necessarily help her in that I just need to be there to support her.   I think men experienced a lot of stress when women complain about something which they cannot solve, because exactly what you said the men … usually for them is coming up with solution or which exactly action Okay, let's do that. And women not all the time need the solution,   but the women probably know what the solution is.   So in my last question is What is your thoughts about women generally, like what women are for you,   Women are amazing, like, like, they have a cop the hardest part part of life, like with what women have to go through. It's not just childbirth, but what's thrown at women through life. I don't think there's many men that can deal with, with all of that at once. So men can deal with a lot, but generally only one of the things we're taught. So women have probably anywhere up to 40 things going on at lunch in their brain. So our brains would probably explode at that point. But now I I do have a lot of respect for women like always had. But as I was brought up, to respect women, it upsets me when I see women not being respected. But once again, I can't control what other people were doing. So I wish it was a perfect world. Unfortunately, it's not. But it's a very fine line, I think of how to rectify or teach. It worries me that, you know, obviously new generations coming through. I don't believe that. They're taught respect for the older generation, as much as we were. Yeah, whether that be a good or a bad thing. I'm not sure. I guess we'll have to wait and see how that one pans out. But women in general deserve I think a lot more credit than what they they get. Definitely this pot of six. Yeah, unfortunately, not all of them get that.   Thank you. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and for agreeing to be interviewed. I really enjoyed our conversation and I hope that people who are listening us as well, thank you. Thank you very much.   Thank you.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Kylie, what age she would like to go back to and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body.   10 Facts About Kylie H (at the time of the project)   53 years old.Kylie has four children. Her eldest is a boy in his 30. Then a daughter who is 18 going on 19. And then she’s got identical twin boys who are 14.Kylie is married to Jason (who is our guest speaker at the next Episode #88)Kylie was born and grew up in Sydney. She moved up to the Central Coast in New South Wales when she was 27.Kylie used to be a corporate and worked for disability. And then she left there and became a counsellor. And recently she decided to go back to her childhood dream of being a teacher so changed her career mid-year. She has a year one class and loves being a teacher.So apart from her counselling, Kylie is also a Reiki practitioner, massage therapist, meditation teacher, so she has all those skills up her slave as well.Kylie is quite a spiritual person, so she absolutely loves the colour purple. She thinks it sort of stems from her spiritual side a little bit.Kylie is an absolute animal lover. At home she has lots of animals - three dogs and two cats.Kylie’s favourite animal is a giraffe, and she collects them.Kylie also used to rescue animals, Australian wildlife. She has raised eight orphaned baby possums and put them back out into the wild.----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated): Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   You have to accept all of you, in and out, you know not just what clothes you're wearing. I've learned that that makes not much difference to changing your body image.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to The My Body My Story project and today with us in the studio, Kylie and while she's sitting in the makeup chair and Citra is doing makeup for her. I'm going to ask her, I am going to ask her a few questions. Money and Kylie Welcome to the studio. Good morning. Let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Okay, well, for starters, I am 53 years old. I have four children. So my eldest is a boy in his 30 then, yeah, then my daughter is 18 going on 19. And then I'm also a twin mum. So I've got identical twin boys who are 14   Now it must have been exciting. Yeah,   It was interesting to be with twins for three and ended up with four. I feel very actually very blessed to be a twin mum,   Are they girls or boys ?   Boys. And they're identical. Identical. Yeah.   So they look, do they look exactly the same?   Fairly much. They look different now that they're older because they're, you know, different styles with hair and things like that. But if you just look at their faces, yes. So very, very identical. Very opposite in personalities.   So it usually happens. We have in family twins as well. And I know that they look very much similar but completely different characters. Yeah, yeah. Okay,   So I'm a, I live on the Central Coast in New South Wales, and I am a teacher. I'm a new teacher. I've changed my career. As I got older, I used to be a corporate and work for disability. And then I left there and became a counsellor. And then from then I decided Nope, I wanted to go back to my childhood dream of being a teacher so changed my career mid-year.   So midlife crisis,   I think so. But I love being a teacher. I have a year one class, which they are just delightful. So really much enjoying that.   Are they just the kids who first starting the school year one?   Yeah, they're in kindergarten first, and then they go on to year one. So they've already kind of gotten used to schooling. And now they're sort of starting to learn, they want to learn that it's actually really, really lovely age. So they're all six and seven. So I really adore being a teacher. What else about me? My favourite colour, I love purple. Absolutely love the colour purple. And I think it sort of stems from my spiritual side a little bit. I'm quite a spiritual person. So apart from my counselling, I also do, I'm a Reiki practitioner, massage therapist, meditation teacher, so I have all those skills up my slave as well,   Do you have a private practice?   I used to do. In between, while I was studying for to become a teacher, I used to do it as private practice. I had my own business at that point in time doing counselling and sort of like holistic healing, holistic therapy. So don't do that now. But would love to get back to it. Maybe one day when I'm a bit older again, when I'm sort of maybe got somewhere to do it. I used to have a room that I could do it in so whereas now I don't really have the space. Yes. So. So that's a little bit about that.   Where you born in Central Coast?   I was born in Sydney. I grew up in Sydney, and I moved up to the Central Coast when I was 27. So and I've been there since since then for quite a few years now. So we do prefer definitely the Central Coast. I really don't like Sydney that much. I grew up at Panini which is sort of out Bankstown way. And yes, so I would much prefer to be on the coast near the beaches. It's a much nicer place, although it's getting very, very busy these days.   Most people are moving there.   Yeah, a lot more people are moving up from Sydney, especially since COVID. I think that made a big difference since COVID. Yep, having more people come up, like with the commuting, like they didn't have to commute anymore. So with being able to work from home,   so how do you manage the four kids? I know your husband is sitting next to you now in the studio. Probably he can tell the story as well. But I want to hear from you though how you manage   manage for children? Well, it's much easier now obviously, that they're older. So my eldest, you know, my two eldest don't live at home anymore. So I only have the twins at home. So and they're very self sufficient now, but it was it was quite difficult when they were younger. There was a big age gap between my eldest son and my daughter. So he was actually a big help when we were young, like, sort of when the baby went like when the twins were baby, because he was 16 at that time, so I could sort of get him to help out with babysitting, and he had girlfriends that would want to come over and babysit the baby with the twins. So my daughter was four at the time. So that was quite hectic, having you know, twins and a four year old, but a very demanding four year old. So   do you have any funny stories what they did usually?   So many, so many, they definitely paired with each other worked in pairs like they would, you know, one would push something over or one would stand on his knees and the other one was stand on top to climb up. So they would definitely utilise each other. They would climb outside of the cots and climb into the other cot to be together. And also they do they would always share their dummies, just swap them over. I do have a one of those twin stories, which was pretty amazing, which I didn't believe myself. When my when the twins were about two and a half. One of the twins got some glass in his foot rule. And we had to get him put under to get the glass cut out. So I hadn't I was fortunate to have a nanny at the time. So she was at home with the twins are with want the one twin that was at home. And I was in hospital, obviously with the other twin. And I checked the time that my twin. James is his name that James went under. And it was 930. Exactly. And then he was under for 45 minutes. And I didn't bring my nanny until probably about lunchtime. Once you know James had come out of surgery, and he was all good. Bring my nanny to check how John that's the other twin was doing at home. And she said, Oh, he was really weird this morning. She said he took his bed there about 930 and decided to go to sleep. And that's not normally in his sleep routine. So and we had the twins on a very, very strict routine, we needed to have them on a strict routine. So it was really odd for him at 930 to be interested. He was just really, really sleepy just wanted to go to sleep. And I said Wow, that's crazy. I said what time how long did he you know, how long was it for and she said on probably till about, you know, 10 o'clock, quarter past 10, something like that. And then he wanted some morning tea and he was all good and wanted to play again. I know that was almost the same time that James was under the anaesthetics. So it's amazing. Yeah, it was and they always used to, you know, if one hurt themselves, the other one would hurt the same, or the opposite leg or the opposite arm within a day or so of each other. So there was always that connection. Mirror. Yeah, yeah. We did a bit of research that should classify them as mirror twins. So because they are opposite, like, James kicks with his right foot and John kicks with his left foot. So he's left handed. Yeah, he writes right handed, but he does a lot of things left handed. So so this is unpredict, sir. Yeah, yeah. So it's interesting being a twin mum   Did they try change, like pretending being eachother?   They don't get away with it very well, because the personalities are completely different. Of course, people can pick up very quickly. They could get away by looks, but they would have to actually adopt the other personality as well, if they wanted to try and get away with that. Yeah, although one net school just recently one got into trouble. Just before they got his haircut when they actually had the same hairstyle. One of the twins got in trouble for not being class, but he was actually in the right class. But it was the teacher got them mixed up. So that was the teacher's fault. Yeah, it was a teacher's fault. And she's in he said, No, I'm John, not James.   Are you teaching in the same school?   No, no, no. So they're in high school and I'm in a primary school. No, I don't want to teach in weakness. No, they wouldn't like me teaching I don't think in this school.   Do you have any pets at home?   Yes, I have lots of animals. I'm an absolute animal lover. We have three dogs at home and two cats. We did have four but we just lost one recently.   What are their breeds?   So I've got a mini dash hound a spool so she's a bit of a mixer. And our other one is the rescue dog and she's a box across. So yeah, so she's they're all beautiful dogs and the cats are just tabby cats.   So they're all different breeds. You don't have any preferences you just generally like animals   yeah, just dogs. Just animals in you know, just absolutely love animals. My favourite animal is a giraffe and everyone knows that giraffe. Yeah. Even my children at school know that I love giraffes do collect. Yes. We have giraffes in every room in the house. So my family sort of say we have too many giraffes. And I say no, we don't have enough. We can always have Magiera. So I used to rescue animals as well. I used to rescue Australian wildlife. So I've raised eight, orphaned baby possums and put them back out into the wild. Yeah, done a lot of rescues. So that was, that was an interesting time of my life. I really enjoyed doing that.   So if you traveled when it's like six of you, for kids, and like, how did you manage?   We had a seven seater. seven seater car. Yeah.   So you just travel within Australia?   Yeah. Well, we never … we've sort of just go local holidays. We most of our travel that we've done with the three younger ones, because the older one, like being such a big age gap. He never used to come with us very often. So it's only the three. So it's manageable. A lot more manageable. Yes. It's more of a family of five rather than just big differences. Only four years. Yeah, four years between my daughter and the twins. So but they, it's easier to travel without my daughter. She was a teen age.   Yeah, teenage.   She's very particular with stuff. So. But it's, it's still good to have her there as well. Like, it's just, I think that it's more because she's the only one whereas the twins have each other to play with. So that kind of like, made it just that little bit different. I meant I had to play with her, I had to be involved with her sort of thing. Whereas the twins would go off and play on their own. Or they could go to the pool on their own or something like that. It's where she didn't want to do that. So it made it sort of, she didn't like being the odd one out kind of thing. We used to sometimes take friends, a friend for her as well. So we have done that in past company for Yeah, so she's got someone to play with as well. But obviously now that she's 18 It doesn't, it doesn't fight the fact anymore.   So did you travel abroad?   We have been overseas. Yeah, we've been to Thailand, and Fiji with the kids. No, we didn't go to Fiji. Yes, I did go to Fiji with kids. And Thailand. That's the only overseas travel that I've done with the kids. Yeah, I took my eldest when he was 21. I took him out to the States for his 21st. So that was just me, him and my sister. So that was a nice fun trip. So the twins, and my daughter stayed at home. That was just me having some time off being I'm not being a mom   Do you have this time for each child? Just you and him or her? Or it just was 21st birthday? Because I'm wondering how I have only one son. And I'm just thinking, what if I have more kids? How can I show each of them that? You know, I can dedicate some time or you know, I know some family have just parent and the kid one day they spent together just for him or for her?   Yeah. Sometimes when they were little, I used to do a lot of things specifically with my daughter and my eldest I would do because they have such an age gap. So he had me on his own for quite some time. So he'd already had a lot of that one on one attention. But I still had to remember that he was still there needing me as well. So we were just two different things with him. And so I do the special. You know, like we'd go on a shopping And trip or I take it to the hairdresser's or you know, we're just a little even out to lunch, sometimes, things like that. And the twins were more often always together. When they were smaller, it's probably only as they've gotten older that I've been able to kind of sit and do something separate with them. But we don't necessarily, it's still quite often there, you know, things we do is often still together.   They have each other.   Yeah, they do. But now that they're older, they have a lot of different interests as well. So one, one of them is really sporty. So he gets a lot of one on one attention with his sport. And the other one is quiet introvert and quite happy to just stay inside his room on the computers, just so he doesn't actually need, he doesn't demand attention, or he doesn't need attention as much. And I guess, to give him that quality attention, it would be following him on a game or watching him play a game or something like that. And he's quite happy for that kind of one-on-one attention, just showing that interest, I think more so.   Showing interest in their interests? is where you give that one on one. So that's how you spread your love between them   Yes. What do you need from me today? What do you need? My daughter is she's always needed a lot more. But, you know, that's just the way it is. And that's fine. Girls. Yeah, it's girls. Girls need a lot of attention.   Okay, so is there everything you wanted to tell us about yourself?   I think so. That's quite a lot.   So let's move to the ageing and body image block of questions. And my first question here is what does ageing means to you?   So ageing to me is like, it's, it's growth. It's, I believe, it's that transition in life. So we grow like as we grow, we grow in wisdom, like in a knowing our intuition. And it's, we develop all the things that we need to transition through life. So I sort of I know our bodies age, and our minds age and things like that. But I think it's more than just that journey through life, of exploring and examining what life is   So how you perceive the ageing for yourself is it's more of a good thing, or   I've had mixed feelings. I've sort of, I've enjoyed growing as a person, I've enjoyed growing mentally, I think I've grown an absolute, you know, a huge amount mentally, physically, I kind of wish I could go back to being a bit younger, physically, I have a lot of issues with my body in particular. So, you know, I have a functional neurological disorder, and I have fibromyalgia. So that kind of stops my body from wanting to do a lot of things that my brain still wants to do. It's like, my body doesn't keep up with my brain. So I don't like that part of ageing. And I think that that's only gonna get worse as you get older. And I think and that's the only reason why I don't necessarily want to get older. Because I'm sort of scared of what my body might do. But the mental journey, I think, is amazing. Now that that, just that how you change over the years, and how you mature and how you adapt and cope with different things and how your resilience builds and how you learn about yourself and learn. You know, and even even all your trials that you go through in life and all the bad things that happen, you know, they actually teach you so much about yourself. So I would refer to ageing more as that.   So you mentioned about going back in time. So my next question is, if you could go back to any age, what it would be, why, and what advice would you give yourself at this age?   If I hadn't had to think about this question for a fair bit. So my I originally first thought sort of around my 30s but that was really trying emotionally for me. So I thought, No, I don't want to go back that far. So I actually thought probably around 45 Believe it or not, which is not that far back. But around 45 To me, I really had my I had it together mentally. I think I actually learned to love myself as a human. As a person, I'd learnt to accept everything that I am. I was see my children were a little bit older, so it was easier I could actually start doing things for myself again, without having to be totally, you know, have my children totally dependent upon me. So I could sort of start enjoying life a little bit more for myself again. So I think yeah, about around about 45 For those reasons, what would I tell myself, definitely to look after your body, eat better, like eat, eat, well drink plenty of water exercise, you know, really nourish it, fuel it well and nourish your body, mind, body and spirit, you know, not just not just physically Yeah, but also, you know, mentally as well just really, to really look after it. Because you only have one body. So I think that's, that's important to really look after yourself.   And if your body could talk, what do you think it would tell you   Right now it definitely be telling me to practice more wellness, exercise, drink, well, do all those things that I would have told myself at 45 that I'm only just starting to do now. So that my body is screaming out for you know, hydration? Yeah, healthy food, hydration, moving exercise. Relaxation, you know, I've always been a very busy person never really had time to stop. So it's, I think it's very important that we do have those times where you do have downtime, you do stop, you do relapse, and don't feel guilty? Well, absolutely, definitely get rid of those guilt feelings that we all have. I think society tells us that we should be doing everything you know, and especially as a mother and a working mother, you've got to be everything, you've got to do everything for everybody. And it's it's very tiring, very, very tiring. And you're always the first one that gets put aside. You know, and it shouldn't be that because you lose all the energy then for everybody else.   I know that your twins are still living with you, but didn't you have the feeling like when the first child left Home or the second one that you have, like a lot of empty space?   Yeah. And it's like, what do I feel my time within? That's, that's something that's actually scaring me a little bit. And it started when my son first left home, I cried for a month when he told me he was moving out. He was my first one that was heartbreaking. But you get that? Who am I? If I'm not a mother? Exactly. You know, what, what do I like? What are my interests? What? What will I do you know, when I'm not having to be there 24/7 for those kids. And it's a long battle. It's a long lot of thought processes, because you have to rediscover yourself as a person   and your identity.   Absolutely.Yeah. And it's quite, it's not an easy task to do. And then you're also going through like, you know, going through menopause, for example, you're going through a lot of your own emotions as well. So I wouldn't say I found my identity yet. I really don't. I still don't know what I'm going to do when the twins are completely.   Well, you switch to being a teacher   Yeah, I'd love to travel more with my husband. We've sort of talked about going around Australia and things like that. So we'll just do things together. And so this bucket lists, yes, that start ticking things off.   So were you planning to go?   we would love to go to sort of Austria. Places like that. around Australia, we want to get a campervan and motorhome or something and just go around Australia. See More, more of home?   Is there any place in Australia where you always wanted to visit and never been there?   I would really like to go up to the Daintree (Rainforest- editor). I would like to go down to the Twelve Apostles, and I would really like to see Uluru. I think that's something that I would just like to feel connected to the earth and any anywhere whether you've never been there No. No, never been mostly been to sort of Sydney so being to Queensland, you know, Victoria, Melbourne, being over to who been to some places in Western Australia. brief stop in Darwin been to Tasmania. I'd like to see more of Tasmania as well. I'd like to sort of do a little bit more around that. So there's, I mean, there's so much beauty in Australia, so much that you could see like nature so be nice to be you know, wherever there's those natural forms and things like that I would love to see. So, coming back to the body image questions, what do you think are the main causes of body image issues?   I think our media has a lot to do with it society, you know, the expectations, and it's been around for a very, very long time on what expectations and it's not just, you know, women, it's men as well, but it seems to be a lot more prominent in women about the way you should look, the way you should act, you know, even even diets, you know, what's the newest trend what you should be this, there's always so much information out there that's puts a lot of pressure. And now that social media is even more so out there. It's even harder on a younger girls and young boys as well, to have to look a certain way and, and be a certain way, I think that definitely has to play. You know, even fashion, you know, what do you wear? What's the latest fashion? Do you keep up with the fashion? Do you go against the grain tends to be if you go against the grain, he seemed to be an outcast or so I think, you know, a lot needs to be changed. I think that a lot of people have tried, but I don't think it's still there. There's still still a lot of image issues out there because of of that.   Do you think that women are more sensitive to that subject than men? Or do you think that because you have kids, boy, boys and girls, yeah, can compare. Or boys can also have those issues? Or they're not that…   Boys are definitely have those issues? Yeah. They don't, they may not show it the same way as girls do. But they definitely have them. I mean, I see it in my own sons, how they, you know, they're worried about what people think, how they look, and you know, things like, especially into teenage hood, not so much obviously, when they're younger, but coming into teenage hood, it's, you know, it's more important that they got the hair the way that they wanted and the clothes the way that they want and things like that. So they definitely like an even older men, like you see a lot of like, why are these men you know, having to body build and things like that? Are they doing it because it's a sport? Or are they doing it to the way they want to look? And when to ask them? Yeah, well, a lot of cases, I think it's the way to look, you know, keeping up with the Joneses sometimes or just, you know, that being that trend that's out there. So it can definitely be men as well. But it definitely is very, very prominent, and a lot of women.   So it's like the human problem, not only women.   Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And now, when you have all the mixed genders as well, like that's creating another level, another layer to image and the way or what's accepted what's not accepted in society. So we have so many layers out there of what we should be should look like. And I should act it's very, very difficult.   Yeah, that's true. And I'm just wondering that where it starts that who, who starts the trend, I know that this fashion and you know why it's so effective? You know, why this social? I think it's to do with a also social role or social place or acceptance in the society, you know, the way you look, it's kind of an indicator, you know, it's like a short cart. People. judge you. Yeah. You know, like, Who are you like, if you driving a good car, you dress well, you feed like, Oh, you must be wealthy or whatever.   Yeah, there is a definitely a lot of judgement in society, for sure, about different things. Even you know, even people that don't have a lot, you know, the way that people kind of look down on them. So there's this, like they talk about equal isn't like, you know, being a quality and things like there's definitely not a quality out there. Don't know what anyone says it's like, you can clearly see it in so many ways. And I think it definitely does come from that acceptance that society men humans are very social creatures. And it is your right I think it is that acceptance into society. Where do you fit? Where do you fit in society? And I think these days we have a lot of people trying to break out of that, of where they fit, you know, trying to fit on their own or be on their own. And that's causing you know, The people that say no, you've got to be part of this. And it's, you know, getting a lot of issues happening there.   It also depends on them. A culture or country? Yeah. And, for example, I lived in Dubai for 13 years. And there's it's very short kind of environment. Yeah. And it's common to if you wealthy to show it, look, yeah, have that and they send people that actually judge you by your look by the car, you drive or your watch you wear brands or whatever. And when I moved to Australia, I noticed that it's even that bad manner to show off your wealth or like, it's not a common, I don't know, maybe I've got the wrong impression, but I feel like it's not a good thing to show off,   I would probably tend to agree. I mean, it depends on where you sit in society, I think on that level, generally, yeah, generally, overall, I think it's that sort of middle upper, it's not quite, you're not quite up, I think it's that just above middle or sort of higher middle level is where it's the more acceptable or the Mont want to be kind of thing kind of level that people tend to aim for. Or be accepted more so for, I wouldn't say aim for more accepted at that level. Whereas if you lower costs, or don't have a lot of money, you tend to be looked down upon, if you're really rich, you tend to be you know, judged and you know, classified as like a snob or something like that, you know, so it's, it is sitting in that middle area, I think in Australia tend to, but you're right, culturally definitely, is effect like changes the way you should look or Wait, what is accepted? How do you fit into society? Or how do you fit into your culture, and Australia being very multicultural in a multicultural? It's, I think there's a lot of challenges within Australia for on so many different levels.   Because it's multicultural environment. Yeah, every nation brings something, tradition rules, and then that mix all together in this big pot, and it creates its own kind of atmosphere.   Yeah, and you wonder why our, you know, our teenagers and our youth get confused about where they should fit or whether they should say, especially if they are from somebody from different cultures, like a multicultural family. That's, you know, now being raised in Australia or it I think it's very confusing out there.   But what I learned with multicultural environment helps people to be more developed, you know, that they're not stuck with one culture. And they they put an environment where they have to try and understand yet different nationalities habits, you know, like, traditions, it doesn't mean that they take it but I mean, dealing with that, it just makes them more flexible.   Yeah, it grows the mind. It broadens the   in your school. Do you do you have a multi cultural different nationalities? Or?   Yeah, definitely. I think all schools do these days. We have we have a lot of indigenous as well. So you have you know, you've got your indigenous, but then you've got your, you know, other countries as well, but not it's not a huge, like they're, they're there but that's not a major whereas if you go to sort of like for example, some of the schools in Sydney, it's a lot more prominent. So, in my class, class, I've got a mixture, most of them are most of them are Australian, in my class or or with the children, our parents come from various backgrounds. We had that discussion the other day, actually from the different backgrounds of the children. You know, we've got Macedonia, we've got Scotland Dutch what else is in the closet that we're talking about? I can't remember now. There was quite a few different ranges of a Fijian I've got a little Fijian girl in my class. She's adorable. Yeah, there's like a few but not a huge, like it's not a broad range as such. So but yeah,   How do you think negative body image can affect relationship? I'm talking about not only men, woman, couple or friends, co workers like any type of relationship   I think it definitely impacts all relationships. Because if you're not happy with who you are as a person, or if you're not, if you've got a poor or a low body image of your own, then you're going to struggle to be accepted. If you can't accept yourself, how can others kind of accept you. And I think that that can cause some conflicts in all kinds of relationships. On an intimacy level, and when you talk about intimacy, as you know, that can be in a in a couple, but you have intimacy in in all kinds of relationships. And that's that trust and, you know, opening up to people, so if you're not comfortable with yourself, you might not necessarily be comfortable with opening up to other people. So coworkers, etc. Yeah, so it's all the same. And I think, in personal relationships, I think it can definitely impact because you sort of want to shy away from your body, you don't want your partner maybe to see your body the way it is, you know, and then that can impact then on your partner, because then your partner thinks that you're not interested in them, because you're trying to, you know, you go round and round and round in circles. Yeah. And, you know, in friendships, you know, what's such and such wearing? You know, can I meet up with that person, especially, you know, younger, younger ones, you know, I need to, you know, be that I need to look like that, you know, they've got better clothes than me or they look nicer, their hair is better than me, or they wear their makeup better. All those kinds of things, impact on friendships as well, even to the thing, what I know, my daughter says often, like, she'll see a tarp or something that she likes in the shop. And she goes, I really liked that, but I'm not gonna buy it, because my friends got it already. So. So that's impacting on so many different levels with choices and choices. Yeah, it's sort of limits her choices of being able to just buy it, but just don't wear it on the same day or something. So I think it definitely affects all and it can create quite toxic, or toxicity and a lot of relationships as well. So   insecurity usually attracts toxicity. Yeah,   yeah, definitely. So it's, it's, it's something that should be dealt with and overcome in somebody, if they have a poor, poor body image, I think that's something that they need to work on it. And I'm coming from somebody that has had a poor body image for a very, very long time. There was, you know, I think it was from, you know, growing up, how I felt about myself growing up. My mother, and I think this is where it impacts on relationships as well is how it travels through families. And I know my mother had very, very low self esteem, and very, so she didn't actually teach me to be, you know, have high self esteem. My mother wasn't somebody for makeup, or, you know, dressing yourself up or anything like that. So I never kind of learnt those kinds of things. And I had to find my own way and find my own self there. And, you know, I got teased for certain parts of your body when you were younger, and then that impacts as well as you grew up. So I had a lot of time. And I still have some issues there that I still worry about, or don't necessarily like, but I've come to accept it a lot more now than what I did when I was younger. So I think if everyone could go through that journey of just accepting and you know, you are what you are, you know, it is a journey. It doesn't come easy, no accepting yourself.   So what is your go to ways to overcome your body insecurities when they come up?   I remind myself of my good qualities, I remind myself of the, you know, the positive things. You know, I might, for example, I might walk past the mirror, if I'm having a bad day, I might walk past the mirror and go, Oh, my God, that's just gross. And just keep walking, but then I'll stop myself in thought and go no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't say that. You've got to, you know, you've got to be kinder to yourself. So it's just being aware, being conscious of that thought process that you have. And so it's   more of a mental support.   Yeah, so definitely change with age.   What did you do when you're younger?   When I was younger, I would probably try and change the way I look somehow by changing my hair or, you know, getting different clothes or something like that. Whereas now it's more that mental acceptance definitely. is sort of, you know, you have to accept all of you in Inanna out, you know, not just, you know what clothes you're wearing, I've learned that that makes not much difference to changing your body image. You might look, you know, you might feel better in certain clothes. But it's only very short lived. It doesn't last long, Tony that only lasts while you're wearing those clothes kind of thing. So.   So my last question is if you have any favourite cord or about being a woman or saying or maybe your own thoughts?   Yeah, I did actually find I found a couple I was sort of looking for some things. And I actually found some that a couple that I actually joined together rather than individually. And I really liked this being a woman is a superpower, the power to create, nurture, and transform. So I really love that sort of quote, because as a woman, we, I mean, yes, we have the power to create life. But we get to transform our lives. We get to, you know, our nurturing and our caring helps transform other's lives as well. I think we can inspire a lot of others. So I that sort of that quote sort of really resonated with me. Yeah.   Excellent. Thank you kind of think thank you very much for joining the project. And I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day.   Thank you for having me. I'm excited and to see the finished product.   Thank you. It was good, smooth.   Apart from the coughing session.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Elly and her family. We talk about how their family life has changed first after an accident with her husband, and then after her oldest child Jem’s transition to become a woman. We also discuss the main causes of body image issues, how they come up and how Elly overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body.   10 Facts About Elly (at the time of the project)   52 years old.Elly has been married for almost 34 years. Elly’s husband Shane broke his neck in 2010 and got paralysed, which was a big change for her and her family world.Elly has three kids and has a great relationship with all three of them. They're all very different.Elly is an artist. She paints with acrylics and watercolours. Elly is also a carer for her husband.Also, she loves gardening. Elly just started experimenting with different things in the garden and has developed a love for Bromeliads. She paints those as well.Elly grew up on the South Coast and now lives in Coaldale, which is in the Northern Beaches area of Wollongong.When Elly was 10, her family started living on a farm and she got a pony which was her lifelong dream, but she was violently allergic to him.Elly has three Devon Rex cats that she can actually cuddle.Elly’s household supports LGBTQ people a lot. Elly’s oldest child Jem has transitioned to become a woman. Jem tried to embrace her masculine side for a long time, but in the end, it was just too hard for her. Jem has embraced her female self, and she's a lot happier in herself now. Elly’s husband Shane and Jem have even done podcasts of her journey (see the link below).Having a sense of humour is really important to Elly. At the end of the day, what is done is done. Adding up a bit of fun is not going to make it worse.Link to The Change Podcast: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLU6J0_BuMd6l3o5NhlQdpBA22drFK_Jq5 ----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   My mum died a couple of years ago at 74. And I thought, gee, that's too young, she could have lived another 20 years. And so now I sort of see ageing as a bit of a gift, really, so many people don't get to do that. So   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the my body My Story project. And today with us Elly in the studio. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, Citra is doing makeup for her. I'll be asking her a few questions. Morning, Elly   Morning   Welcome to the studio. And let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   I'm 52 years old. I have been married for almost 34 years. I have three kids. I'm an artist Morphix I grew up on the south coast and had a pony which was my lifelong dream but I was violently allergic to him. So that was disappointing but great fun at the same time.   But you could watch it on distance.   I could only ride for about an hour before I was a mess. I have three Devon Rex cats that I can actually cuddle. Because here we are animals normally set me off. But these cats are great for me.   They'd like short…   Yeah, they've got more of a wool in here. So yeah, they give me much joy. My husband is actually a quadriplegic, so I'm a carer for him too. He broke his neck in 2010 which was a big change for our world.   Yeah, that's a challenging situation if not to say more,   just makes everything a lot more effort to, you know, if you want to travel or anything, we have to hire equipment and that just makes everything a lot harder because he can't get out of his wheelchair himself. He has to be hoisted. And so on that, yeah, it makes life very challenging. I love gardening as well. Anything else that?   So what are you gardening? It's a very wide term. Like, what exactly do you like,   when the kids were young, I had three, three boys under the age of five and used to drive me a little bit stir crazy. So going out into the garden was the place that I could get a whole sentence together in my mind at once without feeling like I was going nuts. And so yeah, I just started experimenting with different things in the garden. But I've developed a love for Bromeliads. And I paint those as well because they're so colourful and fun. The flowers. Yeah, there are plants that flowers and they're all different shapes and colours and sizes. bromeliad. Really, yeah, they're very hardy. They thrive on neglect. So that's a great sort of plant to have. And I also love painting the little animals and things that I find amongst them I find little dwarf green tree frogs and different things so I usually include those in my paintings as well.   So if do you do it full time? the painting   No look, it gets a bit put to the back with caring and so on but I'm in the process of setting up a better art room and I do really want to focus a lot more on my art then   Do you use oil paint or chalk?   acrylic predominantly but I have been exploring watercolours.   Oh, that's hard to paint with.   Yeah, it is, it's such a different approach to acrylics and watercolours it's Yeah.   Do you sell your art?   Yeah, I do in local exhibitions and things. So yeah, I just need to market myself a bit better.   So if someone wants to see what you paint and maybe meet you, so where they can find you?   Well, I live in Coaldale, which is in the Northern Beaches area of Wollongong and I'm, I have a Instagram page called @artbyelly, all one word. So they can look me up on there.   I'll give a link in the description. So if you use you said about Pony, what about horses? Have you ever tried horse riding?   Yeah, well, I mean that that was my great love. When I was really little mom said I used to gallop everywhere. I was just madly into horses. So, I mean, my pony was. I mean, he wasn't as big as a horse. But we used to go on great adventures, we had a five acre farm between Barry and Nowra in an area called just was brush and it was back in the 80s, where I could disappear for most of the day with my girlfriend and my pony and go skinny dipping in the creeks and mum would only see us when it was dinner time. So it was very free sort of fun. Adventure. feel part of my life.   So were you the only child?   No, I had a younger brother, too. Yeah.   So you're grew up on the farm?   Well, from when I was nine or 10. That's when we got the farm before that we're in town. Yeah, but that's when I got my pony.   Okay, perfect. Okay, so what else? What else do we get? About you? Let's think. What about travelling? I know that now when you carer probably it's not that easy. But have you travelled a lot?   yeah, just last year, I went to Europe with my, my oldest child has transitioned to become a woman. So her and I went to quite a few places in Europe together for five weeks. And then we went back to Thailand. And she had gender reassignment surgery in Thailand on the way home. So that was a pretty intense time. But we had a lovely time together travelling. So she's 28 now.   Great. So what about, as I asked yesterday, our participant, I want to ask the same question like you have three kids? And how do you do you spend time with each of them? Or you used to when they were smaller? separately with each of them? Or you know, like some kids, they grew up and not then they're not the only kid. Sometimes they can get jealous or not enough attention from? So do you have this the odd you have this time for each kid? separately? Or it's it was always all together?   Are? Predominantly it was all together. But you'd always have little special times where, you know, you might all go out on a picnic, but one of them might feel a bit cuddly that day. And they just snuggle with you and so on. I did take them out a bit sometimes on their own. Yeah, I mean, I feel like I have a great relationship with all three of them. They're all very different. The youngest one who's 23 is still living at home, we have sort of like a, a lower part of our house that's a bit separate. And he's still involved in helping cook sometimes. And he has a great deal of fun to have around. They get to you know, they later teams, they become really fun to have around and then they always leave to start to really liked them and   then suddenly, you're just on your own. Yeah, what about the middle child,   the middle one has moved to Melbourne. He did his honours in medical marijuana. So he's working down there. He just finished his honours last year. And I really miss him. It's too far away. He was my most challenging growing up, but he was always a lot of fun as well. He's just was one of these kids that if he'd learned to shut his mouth, he would have been in a lot less trouble. That's interesting. Okay, we're very close. You know, there's a lot about him that's quite similar to me. So that's probably why we clashed at times, but he was always So good at coming back and saying, oh, sorry, Mum was a bit over the top there wasn't   at least he understands it now. Yeah. Because some kids grow up and never understand what they did to us. Yeah. Okay, perfect. So I don't know if we got all the all the 10 facts about you, but I'm sure that we'll get it by the end of the conversation. Yeah. So my next question is about ageing. And what does it mean to you?   Look, my mum died a couple of years ago at 74. And I thought, gee, that's too young, she could have lived another 20 years. And so now I sort of see ageing as a bit of a gift, really, so many people don't get to do that. So I mean, at the same time, you know, you look in the mirror and go, Okay, thanks, sagging a lot more than I used to. But it's, it is a gift to still be here. One of our carers that Shane had had, would come in the morning and get him up for the day, just suddenly died the other day, and she wasn't even 50 Yet she had an asthma attack and died. And we're a bit heartbroken for a family. And just yeah, it just makes you aware of just how fragile life can be really.   So but if you could go back in time, to any age, what it would be, and what advice would you give yourself? At that age?   I think I would be I think I loved 24 was sort of my age that I really enjoyed, where you just felt that little bit older, you passed the teens and your feet starting to feel comfortable with being an adult. And the freedom that comes with that. I mean, there's a lot of responsibility to, but I think I would tell myself, not to be worried so much about what other people think and just be confident to be yourself. I think, you know, that's always been something that I've been worried about what other people think of me. Very, I lack a lot of confidence.   So what would you tell to yourself   just to be kinder to myself, I guess and just to be happy in the in the skin that you're in?   So if your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you what tell you right now?   I don't know. I think it would be happy that I'm looking after a bit better. It will probably like to do a bit more leisurely sort of exercise and just get outdoors a bit more. Yeah, just soak in some sun. And a bit of nature, I think.   So what do you think are the main causes for body image issues?   Look, I think the the thing that the biggest thing for me was I was sexually abused as a kid from the age of four to 10. And that is really the time that you're developing your sense of self and who you are. And so I think I've got a very mixed up sense of self. And so my self confidence was is what still is pretty low, actually. So I think that's something that's really affected my life. What was the rest of the question?   What do you think are the main causes for this body image issues?   So that's, that's definitely a main cause for me. The other thing that really affected me growing up to my mom had been a chubby teenager and she really hated that. So if I ever put on weight when I was a teenager, she put me on these weird diets and and it was just a really unhealthy example to me, really. So you're always made me paranoid about putting on weight and I'd be really down on myself. Yeah, I, I really, in latter years, those sorts of things just didn't matter to mum anymore. She just loved me for who I was, but it was hard being a teen with that sort of constant criticism, I guess.   You think it's affected your body image.   Yeah. Yeah. as well.   So How did you overcome that, that those days? And has it change? Now, if you have anybody insecurities from time to time, so how do you manage that? So my question is, I guess, what do you go to methods to manage your body insecurities when they come up? And has it changed with age? As a change? Since you were younger?   I think now, that I've lost some weight, and so on, and I feel a lot more confident in myself, and I enjoy going out more and things because I'm not so hard on myself, feeling like I don't look good, or that sort of thing. So in that regard, I mean, I'm not I think anyone can be happy in their own skin, it doesn't matter what your way or, or, but for myself, that made a big difference in my confidence and, and just feeling healthier and stuff. I guess. It's just given me more of a willingness to not just lock myself away, but to go out and enjoy life a bit more again.   what did you do when you were younger?   Did lots of funny diets. Now, it's more of a mental support to yourself. And before it was more physical. I had a postnatal depression with the second baby, and that sort of, I don't think I've ever really lost that, the depression from that. But I manage it well with medication. So I would lose a whole lot of weight, and then I put it all back on again. So it was just a matter of how well I was coping with the busyness of the kids and all of that, too. A lot of people that have been abused as a kid do end up suffering with depression, which I didn't know at the time, it was all a rude shock to me. But yeah, like I say, I've, I've managed it well, with counselling and, and medication and so on   How did you heal that trauma? Did you go to counselling? And when did you realise that you need to actually do something about that? Was it affecting your relationship? Do you think that negative body image can affect relationship?   I definitely think it can. When I wasn't feeling like I looked good. I certainly want to try and hide away a bit more. But my husband was very gentle and kind with me and would never make me do anything I didn't want to do. So he was perfect for someone with my past. But when all of that sort of got destroyed, really with the with him breaking his neck, none of that works anymore. So that's been a great loss to us.   So how did you realise that you need help?   Oh, just, I guess when you start to have kids yourself, and you start thinking, Gosh, I need to protect them. And then you think, start having flashbacks or that sort of thing. You just think to yourself, I really need to talk this through with someone. So yeah, I've seen quite a few people over the years.   So do you do any kind of meditations or, like, because I know that people sometimes they go either, like professional psychologists or they go other way more kind of spiritual, religious, religious way doing the meditation or they get into religion or something.   Yeah, well, I was brought up in the church. And I still do love God and I still pray that sort of, I guess I use that as a sort of meditation. I don't actually attend a church and the longer because I just haven't, it's hard to find one that's accepting of trans people and gay people and so on. So and we are very much that you know, household. So, yeah, I mean, I still have lots of lovely friends from the church times and, and so on, but it's just not as a bigger part of my life anymore. But it was certainly helpful to me to be able to turn to God for help in those times.   So how do you find the support? Like you said that your household supports trans people? And as I understand, does it belong to LGBT community? Yeah. Yeah. So how do you find support? Like, do you have any groups you attend? Or like, how does it work?   Well, Jem, that's my daughter. She lives in Maroubra. So she's not at home. She actually works for trends supporting company. Well, they do the whole, the whole LGBTQ I think they'd support everyone within that group. But yeah, I mean, Shane, my husband and Jem have done podcasts of her journey. Yeah, so a lot of our friends and family and so on, have been able to sort of understand better where Jem coming from and the process that she's had to work through with trying to for a long time, she tried to embrace her masculine side, but in the end, it was just too hard for her. So now she's embraced her female self, and she's a lot happier in itself. So and that's what you want for your kids for them to be happy.   this podcast, what's the name of it if someone wants to listen to that?   I think it's called Changes, but I'll definitely find a link for you for the   perfect Yeah. Okay. That's great. Interesting. So my last question, I think I asked all the question, I wanted to both moody mentioned ageing. What are your favourite quotes about being a woman? What maybe thoughts are saying, what is it?   Like? A couple of ones that Eleanor Roosevelt said about how “Well behaved women rarely make history”. It's not that I'm bad. But I do like to be a little bit naughty sometimes.   Just to be a rule breaker. Yeah.   Just you know, I wouldn't, definitely wouldn't get myself in trouble with the law. But I do like, you know, if there's a chalkboard out the front with words that are easy to change to something funny, I'll do it. sneak away. giggling like a little kid.   Yeah. Which sometimes we need fun. That's right. And we're the creators of our own fun. Yeah.   I like you know, having a sense of humour is really important to me, too. So that's the way we've sort of worked our way through Shane's accident, life now. The kids do give him quite a stir with their, with their jokes at times. I could remember Jake, the middle one went out with his girlfriend. We all went into the city for something and they went off to do their own thing, and we were going off to something else. And as they were leaving Shane said, “Don't do anything I wouldn't do”. And Jake said – “Like walking?”, and his girlfriend was mortified. Absolutely. She was like, you can't speak to your father. So yes, we do have a lot of fun with that.   I heard that humour is the best healer of a stress situation.   Yeah. And at the end of the day, like Okay, it's done. What can you do to add up a bit of fun, you know, humour. Not gonna make it worse. Yeah.   Excellent. Thank you. Thank you very much for sharing your story and I hope you will enjoy the rest of the day and the photoshoot.   Yes, thanks Alexandra for having me.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Sabine, how she survived a nearly fatal accident after falling 20 meters and 3 weeks in a coma, and how this accident changed her! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body.   10 Facts About Sabine (at the time of the project) 51 years old.Sabine was born in Switzerland. She speaks 2 languages – English and Swiss German but knows 4 languages. The other two are French and her local language spoken in Graubunden.After school, she lived in England for a year. She went on an exchange and did some art and English there.Then Sabine worked for six years as a teacher in Switzerland.That time, she met her now ex-husband, he was from Australia, but he traveled through Europe. And he spent a snow season in Switzerland with Sabine. And that's when she decided to come to Australia. That was in 2001.Sabine and her then husband lived in South Australia first. They wanted to travel around Australia and when they were traveling along the east coast, Sabine fell pregnant with twins. So they ended up staying in Bawley, which is near Batemans Bay on the South Coast of New South Wales.Sabine is a mother of twins, a boy and a girl. At the end of the year they will be 16.After Sabine’s kids were a little bit older, she started teaching at the local high school. She’s been working for over a decade with youth who are trauma affected, so in special need. Sabine really enjoys working with young people.Sabine is really passionate about rock climbing. When she was 46, she had an accident and fell 20 meters. Sabine nearly died and was in a coma for two to three weeks.In 2023 Sabine got a year off from work and Uni where she studied psychology and used it to start off this year to become a yoga teacher. She’s been doing yoga for over 20 years regularly. Now she specializes in people who have got Complex PTSD or complex trauma. Her business name is Shamatha yoga. @shamatha_yoga----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   I was very close to dying. And I was in hospital for about 4 and a half months. And I had to learn to walk again and everything. And that has changed everything from me what aging means and now it's a, I experienced it as an immense privilege.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone and welcome to The My Body My Story projects, and today with us in the studio Sabine. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair and Nicole is doing makeup for her. I'll be asking her a few questions. Hello, Sabine. Welcome to the studio.   Hello, Alexandra.   Let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   So I was born in Switzerland. And I've with my parents and I've got one older brother. And then after school, I lived in England for a year I went on an exchange and did some art and English there. Then I went on to become a teacher and worked for six years as a teacher in Switzerland. And in that time, I met my now ex-husband, he was from Australia, but he travelled through Europe. And he spent a snow season in Switzerland with me. And that's when we sort of fell in love. And I then decided to come to Australia. That was in 2001. Wow. Yeah. So quite a while ago and we live in South Australia. First is Tim and I and two dogs. Then we wanted to travel around Australia. And we started with the West Coast pact troop carrier in the caravan and surfed along the west coast. And then it was my father's 70th birthday. And we went back to Switzerland for a bit. And when we got back we wanted to do the East Coast. And when we were travelling along the east coast, we were sort of between Melbourne and Sydney. We visited a friend of my ex-husbands and we stayed there for a bit looked after his house. And then I fell pregnant with twins. And because I had a few complications in the pregnancy, nothing serious. But just sort of with twins, you're a bit more careful. We stayed and yeah, then I gave birth to my beautiful twins. They're now nearly 16 and the end of the year there will be 16 A boy and a girl. And so we ended up staying in in Bawley, which is near Batemans Bay on the south coast of New South Wales. And after my kids were a little bit older, I started teaching at the local high school. And I've been working for over a decade with youth who are trauma affected. So in special need. And I really, really enjoy working with the young people. They sort of show me a lot about resilience and just the how they still have a humour or the the courage to to keep going even though sometimes it seems that they will is quite challenging. And because I sort of felt that I really owe the school system maybe doesn't know enough how to really support these young people who may have a bit different need. I started studying psychology about three years ago, and I finished my grad tipping psychology last year. And this year 2023 I've actually got a year off from work and uni because I thought I needed a bit of a break and I'm in I've been doing yoga for over 20 years regularly. And I used to start off this year to become a yoga teacher.   Oh so versatile   Trying to be yeah Also the other thing is that I'm on really passionate as rock climber. So I've climb rocks a lot, but because I'm getting like I'm 51 now, getting a bit older. I think yoga is really good for me sort of it's it's a really nice sort of way to still be fit. But sort of body mind connection and helps me with, with regulating myself keeps me mobile flexible. And yeah, I love it.   Seems like your kids decided for you the place you live now.   Exactly. Yeah, let's just say we want to be here. And it's an all it's a really beautiful spot for kids to grow up rallied safe.   And so you stayed in the same like this spot you visited, your ex-husband’s friends, the same place?   No, he sold that and we bought a house. I mean, I'm in the same location. Exactly. Yeah. But um, I'm still in the house where my children were born. I mean, they were born at the hospital, but in the same house. And um, yeah, I love it. And there are quite a few families with kids, my kids age, and they go to school together, and they could just meet each other, go to the beach, go for a bike ride. And it's just, it's really, really safe. That's what I like.   Yeah, I know, you mentioned it earlier. But still, I want to ask in the interview, like you said, You're from Switzerland. Probably you speak more than one language.   Well, my French used to be better than my English when I came here, but I have only spoken English and Swiss German since I've lived in Australia, more or less. So the passive vocabulary would probably still be okay. But I'm very rusty with my French.   Basically, three languages.   Yeah, for the fourth one.. I don't even know what's that called in English to be honest. It's quite close to Latin, Italian, Latin. And yeah, and I'll speak I only speak Swiss German to my children.   But is it like a Swiss language?   Yeah, it's in the southeastern part of, of Switzerland. Nice. Who wouldn't doubles. In Graubunden? We call it the state of Graubun, where they speak it. bother them. I think it's dying out a little.   It's interesting. Can you say anything on this?   I can't say anything. We used to learn children's songs, but I can't remember them.   I never heard or maybe I did, but I never knew it was the language. Okay, perfect. So you mentioned about ageing. And so I have before moving to that part. So you mentioned you have you teaching yoga? And is it kind of private lessons?   My business name is Shamatha yoga, which I do community classes. I do sort of specialise in yin yoga, very slow yoga, and I'm also a mindfulness teacher. So I combined that a bit. So those are classes I'm, I've started my there's a trauma informed yoga facilitator training. And I've started that and I think we, that very specialised sort of target group of people who have got Complex PTSD or complex trauma. I'd probably prefer doing one on one sessions, once I've got that training, or at least until the customer and I we know each other, and we've sort of established a bit of a relationship of trust. And so I'm quite excited to do that. Because I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2019, after a near fatal accident.   And what is that? What does it mean?   Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And I felt that even though I can't cognitively remember what happened, my body doesn't my body sometimes reacts emotional memory. Yeah, exactly. And then that's also part. Part of the reason why I really wanted to delve into yoga a bit deeper on or sometimes in our classrooms. With my kids at school, I use a bit of yoga and I was quite in. astonished how much of a difference it makes like we've been working with one girl and sometimes she comes in in the mornings. Very, very dysregulated, unsettled, we can't really do anything with her. And we do just 1015 minutes of yoga, and she's calm, and she's like a different person. And yeah, that's sort of all my experience, my work background, the science behind it all have sort of really awakened am interested in how the body and mind are connected, and how yoga can really help people sort of reconnect with their bodies   You kind of combine psychology and yoga together. And for people with post traumatic disorder, you can help them to kind of settle a bit, or more or a lot. So do you do online lessons?   Maybe everybody's going online and maybe I will one day, I'm very much a face to face person. I like the organic interaction or the seeing people being with them in the side   people need to be living near you,   I'm not saying no if someone really wanted to   you have a website, Instagram? Can you say it again? What's that? Shamatha yoga?   That's S H A M A T H A. It's called it's mindfulness yoga. Other translation   Ill put the link. Yeah. Perfect. Great. So let's move to the ageing questions. And what does ageing means to you?   All have to, is it okay? If I give a long answer? It's really changed. I used to define myself a lot. With my three my appearance, my I have always been quite fit and strong. And then, when I was 46, I had another accident, where I nearly died. I was in a coma for two to three weeks. Or climbing accident, I fell 20 metres. And yeah, I was I was very close to dying. And I was in hospital for about 444 and a half months. And I had to learn to walk again and everything. And that has changed everything for me. What it means and now it's, it's I experienced it as an immense privilege to be able to, to grow old, and not everybody leaves to house you can do that. And with no children, I even sometimes now, when we sit at the dinner table and eat dinner, I just it comes over me that sense of gratitude. I'm still here and I can still see them grow up. So the act before I was like, oh, no, I've got grey hair, or now I've got a few wrinkles, skin is starting to not be as as tight especially after having twins, I was huge. And now it's it's actually been an opportunity. That challenge of recovering from the accident has was sort of an opportunity in disguise for me to reconnect to my body in a kind of way sort of not be that self critical or have those standards that we're especially as women we're just bombarded with through media or social media, that ageing they deem that demonising ageing for women. And that was sort of part of why I asked if I could be part of this project, because I think really, ageing can be something extremely positive. And I think yes, I do struggle because I've been such an active person. I do struggle sometimes not being able to do the things I used to do physically but the UPS by far outweigh the downs like I've got a better relationship within myself. I not in a arrogant way. But I think hopefully everybody becomes a bit wiser with time a bit more life experience. I'm more grounded, I know more what I want and what is good for me. So all those positive so ageing can bring is those things I've never really meant mentioned. When it comes to women and ageing. It's all we don't look like we're 20 anymore. And that's all that then media seems to care about. And let's start a revolution   that's what we're trying to little parts of Is the revolution? Yeah. So because you already touched the subject to just want to expand on that. And you mentioned some, but what do you think are the main causes of the body image issues?   Look, I don't know the statistics, but I do think media how women are portrayed in social and on social media and media. If you look at most, if you take a woman's magazine, most ads in there about how you should look younger, anything, and it's everybody's choice, do whatever you want to, but I find it quite frightening that women in their 20s now have Botox. And I think it's, in a way, I find it sad that we sort of just focus on what the body looks like, and not what we can bring to humanity to I couldn't have I think I'm a better mother now than I when if I had children when I was 20. I still women who are 20 do a great job, and they can be fantastic. Mothers, often myself think I have a bit more wisdom. And yeah, it's just that I think media and social media maybe is domain, just a society, the societal expectations that we should always look young.   But what about, I'm just wondering, what do you think about this movement? Positive body? Positive body movements? Do you know what's what?   Can you tell me a little bit more?   It's like, when you accepting your body, whatever. Like they start bringing out full figure materials and you know, also accepting, accepting your body whatever shape you are like, what do you think about that? Because it's good. It's, it's a for me, it's kind of a tricky, tricky question. Yeah. Because I already mentioned that in some other podcasts and just asking, given statistics from the women, what they think about it. And for me, sometimes I like the idea. But don't you think that some of us can hide behind this concept? Just to let yourself go?   Ah, that's a good question. I've actually haven't. thought about it from that perspective.   Because it's also pushed by media. So my question is, why it's it pushed so much. And what are the negative side of that? Everything has two sides, right? Yeah. Yeah.   And so you think it could be for some women, it could be okay, to you can lead. And what would the bad things be or of letting yourself go as you say, would that be the health? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Look, possibly. Yeah, I think, I think promoting a healthy lifestyle.   I like this concept. More. Yeah. Yeah,   I do, too. I do too. That, um, but we do come in different shapes.   Exactly. So this is a very it's a very kind of thin edge. And what's the expression? Like, if not a stable ground? Yeah. So you can turn it both ways. Either way. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, I'm for the moderation. And I think that the main, the main factor you should consider local, anyone should consider is your health. Yeah. You know, because at the end of the day, what I figured out like we all ruled by two things, by fear and by desire for pleasure. If you think you know, it's, you can bring everything to these two things. Like, you know, why we start suddenly appreciating like, once we face those life threatening accidents or life threatening experience, that's the usually awakening for us. You know, like, suddenly we start thinking that there's nothing more valuable than our health or our life. So it's like a fear of dying. Yeah, or, okay, so that's kind of a bit of a deeper look. into the subject, or we all want to get pleasure and we want to indulge ourselves we want to eat food, any food without thinking how damaging it can be or it's same same with drugs, smoke, whatever. All the pleasures are some, like not all but a lot of them are to do with the health deteriorating consequences. So that's why I'm just thinking that any concept that pushed by media like you should ask yourself like, what's the main reason like you know the goal yet? Yes, the goal like I think that the main factor should be I'm am I healthy?   Am I yeah, I'll definitely I agree with that.   I feeling positive energised. Like, if you feel happy with your yes, we are we are have different shapes, like some person is fuller than the other one. But when it goes over the top where you put on weight and you feel really bad, you cannot move   Oh, yeah, definitely don't have a blood pressure.  But if you your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you tell you,   if my body could talk? I think I hope now, it would thank me, because I've learned to slow down, I've learned to listen to my body, I've learned to take wrists when, when my body needs to rest. I never, I never took a rest I use are treated my body pretty poorly before just was sort of performance driven. And pushing to the pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing and just treated my body like a commodity. And then, when I was when I came back from hospital, after the accident, I actually almost sort of as a routine. When I went to bed at night, I apologise to my body, to what I put it through over the years. And I also think did that it's what he does every day for me still functioning. And yes, I'm hopefully my body would thank me as well, that I'm learning to listen to it. And it's not. I think it's a lot of people. Or again, that come sort of from the yoga background or the psychological background, find it and find it quite difficult to to sense what's actually happening in their bodies at this moment, and learning to sort of tune in the different physical sensations in the different situations was, for me, really important and really eye opening as well. Because as I said, often the body reacted without me knowing what's going on or realising what was going on. And I I really enjoy being more in tune with my body and sort of feeling. What's happening, it sort of has given me sort of the opportunity to live a bit more authentically. Yeah.   So what was your biggest lesson from that accident?   gratitude, gratitude to be alive? I think, really did. And as you sort of said, I don't sweat the little things anymore that much for me, health and family are the two. I mean, a lot of people say that's the most important thing are the most important things, but it has sort of really increased, like I've gained a new understanding of what health means and having family or being able to be there for for your children. What that means.   You're only facing the threat of losing any of that we just realise the real value.   Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.   So if you could go back any age? Yes. What age it would be. Why, and what advice would you give yourself at this age?   Yeah, funny. Like when I read the question, I read all the questions in advance. For a lot for a few days. I thought, I don't want to go back to any time but then I sort of picked to the first one is sort of maybe when I'm back to when I was a four or five year old child, just to sort of See, again, how a child sees the world. Sort of with a curious curiosity and that ability to wonder and   yes and unconditionally. Yeah,   exactly. And the other one then was, maybe just to before my accident, to sort of see how much I've changed as a person, and how my body feels, then compared to now because my body now I know it's changed a lot, but it's become the new more norm. So I will probably just not for long, just sort of go and quickly, maybe half a half an hour to see what it was like, but um, I'm not someone who would like to go back in time. I'm very happy where I am.   But what would you say to this four year old girl?   Stay curious. In Yeah, I reckon and everything will, will turn out okay, maybe not how we planned it or how we wanted sometimes, but it will be okay. And the other thing that maybe came more with me and puberty, where I sort of started to have self that and then maybe you're enough to sort of to instil into younger people that they're okay. They're enough as they are.   It's, it's a such an simple phrase, but, you know, it's, it's so hard to get it under your skin like to understand it fully. You know, what does it mean that you are enough? Yeah, like when you, you have to go through certain live events, again, to start filling it. That's very interesting. phenomenal for me like, yeah, yeah, well, you can say whatever you want to your kids and thinking, Oh my God, they're young, this full of live and you know, it's so sad that they think that they are not looking perfect or something feeling perfect. You want to tell them this, but just remember yourself at this age. Yeah. So we were what our Mum would say. Yeah, so how do you think the negative body image can affect relationships? Like because that's the one of the important sights, I think the relationships is a very important part of our life. But when you have your negative body image, do you think it's effects? Or   100%? I think, How can you love someone else if you don't love yourself, in a way, and if you don't love your body? And that's what I mean, look, we can be quite open. You know, like, I think for instance, off, even though there are parts of my body that sag, I definitely have better sex now than when I had 20. And that's because I'll have a better relationship to my body with my body. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I think if, if people have really struggled with that body image, they're almost like in a prison. And I think it's really difficult then to, to send love outwards, if you don't have any love inwards. So, for me, that was the, my, my relationships have changed. The men that I'm attracted to have changed in a positive way, since I haven't. And it's an ongoing process. But the more positive my relationship is, with myself and with my body, the more positive are the relationships I have with people around me. And yeah, so in whatever way people can try to befriend their bodies.   Yeah, yeah. So you attract obviously, whatever it is I this vibration you show to the other people or like you just choose make different choices of people whom you're it's not only the partners, but you know, friends   Absolutely, were Yeah, yeah. Totally. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And if you know, your worth, you stay where your worth is recognised. And I know for myself that I stayed in places where my worth wasn't recognised. Yeah. 100%. Yeah.   And it just you need to really value yourself to understand that and just to leave the place or the person and say, okay, like, where we go separate ways. Yeah,   yeah. And look, just picking up from before. Always when I was a teenager, I had a group of girlfriends that were really important to me that time have that social network. But I grew up with a few really strong women around me. And the guidance that I got from them would not have been potluck, the the friends my age who gave me different support. But I was so lucky to have wiser older women who could guide me or were there for me in challenging times. And I think that aspect again, as we said before, of what ageing means is not promoted, like, all the people can be such such good SPIRATION durations. I mean, I'd like for instance, in the in the abdomen, the elders are, it's way more open, it's a respected person, we can guide your mentor you and in our culture, it's a bit bit disappeared that knowledge, which is it's really sad. And I always liked also going to my gramme mothers. When I was younger, it just it's nice to have sort of that intergenerational interaction, and you can gain something from any everyone, everyone and it keeps. I think now when I'm with really young children or working with them, adolescents, it keeps me young, at heart, in my mind, I think so again, as well, differently.   You know, it's like, every woman has to look at it. Our age is kind of a middle age where we can have our mentors and be mentors ourselves. It's like reminds me the movie prime with Meryl Streep, where she's a psychologist, and she's her one of her client, apparently girlfriend, older girlfriend of her son, and when she finds it out, she goes to her psychologist. And it's such a beautiful movie. It's called prime after Meryl Streep and yeah, Uma Thurman all    I love both of those actresses.   Yeah, so okay, like a really great movie. And I like this scene when the Meryl Streep psychologist goes her to do her own so it's like it's in the in the psychology world say like every Shireen has their own Shireen. So when you have if you have requests, I'm sure from time to time we still failed insecure or somebody related insecurities. So how do you overcome that and has it change with age?   Yes, so I do definitely have challenges some days more than others. Because I do mindfulness regularly I if I feel that I'm having a bad day in relation to myself or to my body or whatever or ageing then I if I have the time and this year I have I sort of sit and acknowledge the sentiments without wanting to try to change from necessarily but it's not okay. Today I feel like that and I tried to accept it and sometimes by just giving those sentiments or feelings a bit of room they become less intense. The other thing is I know now that it will change again it will pass with ebb and flow let life has an ebb and flow and then I really I put guide my focus on to all the positives that I have I have about my body like my biggest body issues probably were the changes that came through childbirth different breasts different Tommy and then I think of my children and I think I was able What a miracle I was able to grow to children to nurture to two human beings that are now awesome teenagers. And again, so I've tried to bring my focus back on these things and I think well, a bit of sadness Tommy stomach skin, in contrast to having two beautiful children login it's a no brainer. Yeah, so like that, but um, I'm not saying it's easy every day. Some days as I said, it's just harder and that's okay.   What did you do when you were young? You obviously you didn't do so much so much mine.   I didn't like my body. I didn't like my I didn't like myself very much. Until   If you had insecurities of what to do diet killing yourself in the gym?   the second one Yeah, excessive chin. Yeah, not. Dieting was never. I love food. I love I love good foods. I'm not. I don't eat fast food. I like Swiss stock chocolate. That's my weak point. But I if I eat it, I try to Okay, make the decision of the solitary Swiss cheese, Swiss cheese as well. But I don't like lollies that much. So. So I could never like I have friends who died and how can they and somehow I used to, I was lucky I always used to have a really fast metabolism. I've noticed I've just gone through menopause, that it's slowed down immensely. And my body shape has changed but exercise active, active, active, active, active. And it was yes, it wasn't always healthy. But it still it wasn't the unhealthiest method that I used, like, I always felt better after going for a run or a bike ride. And then I ate without guilt. Because we often I think a lot of women eat with with guilt, which is horrible. And now I try to if I try to not impulse, do impulsive eating. So if I have an urge for something that's not healthier, try and see fruit with it for half an hour and didn't have still if I still wanted to say okay, Sabine, we're going to make a decision. I'm going to have it if I'm going to have it. I'm going to have it and enjoy and enjoy it. fully enjoy it. So that by then, yeah, I've have more. Yeah. Yeah.   Are you saying that when you were younger, it was more kind of a physical solution, and now is more psychological?   Yeah. I think work with yourself.   Yeah. Yeah. Big sigh my last question, and I love it, because we have such so many different answers to that. And some some, some of them are similar. Yep. What's your favourite quote or saying about being a woman?   Yeah, I've thought about that as well. It's actually a story. It's an I think an American Mexican psychologist Clarissa, and she wrote that book we're running with, or you know it. Awesome. And Globa is my favourite story. So when she when this old woman is seen in the in the mountains, who collects bones, especially wolf bones, and she puts them together until she's got a skeleton, and Benji, and each bone represents something that women lose throughout their lives or assertiveness, where they suddenly become submissive, their curiosity, their independence, and she puts that skeleton together. And when that skeleton is complete, she starts singing but from really from deep down inside of her, and the more she sings, suddenly that skeleton develops organs skin for and then it suddenly gets up runs away as a wolf. And in the horizon, you can see how that wolf turns into an a woman, a wild three woman. And for me, that's it's such an old I've got two big tattoos on my legs that represent that I that stay whilst they Independence Day free. And I think I don't know how you like you've got the Italian background, you've got Eastern European, I've got European background, my personal experiences growing up in Switzerland, women are stronger, more independent, more assertive than here. And that's just my anecdotal my personal experience, but I thought, I'm so glad I grew up there and had such strong women around me to grow up. And I'm hoping to be able to pass that on to my daughter.   So yeah, beautiful.   Thank you Sabine. Thank you very much for sharing your story and wise words, and I hope you will enjoy the rest of your day. And this experience.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA

In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Mel, what age she would like to go back to, and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body.   10 Facts About Mel (at the time of the project) 47 years old.Mel has 3 daughters and 3 grandchildren. The oldest daughter is 29 and twins are 24. Her two granddaughters are 5 and 2, and her grandson is 10 months old. He is the first boy in the family for 65 years.Mel was born in Queensland in Toowoomba and grew up around the Middle East Coast out on a farm and in Forster.17 years ago Mel injured her hands at work and was told she was unemployable. She decided to open her own business and started making dance costumes. That turned into opening a dance business, which turned into making school uniforms, gymnastics costumes, and circus costumes that go around Australia and overseas. And then that progressed into getting an embroidery machine and starting to work with corporate clients.Mel now has 2 businesses. They are called Above and Beyond Embroidery and Mystic Soul Dancewear.Mel is also launching the third one, an empowering women business in August. And this one's called Trashed. For all the women that are being treated like trash. That will be swimwear for all body shapes and sizes.Recently Mel did a bull riding to raise money for Ronald McDonald House.She also has rock climbing on her bucket list. She always wanted to do it, and then put it off because she injured her hands. Now she wants to find out whether she can actually physically do it or not.Mel is loving her age now. Because she had kids young, she spent the last 30 years looking after kids, or after somebody. And now it's all about her. She can do what she wants when she wants.Mel’s favorite saying is - Dare to dream because it's our dreams that motivate us to live.  You can find Mel here: @ mystic_soul_dancewear https://aboveandbeyondembroidery.com.au/ ----more---- INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (auto-generated) Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.   Yeah, they they have that twin in going where if one gets injured, the other one can get the concussion or Yeah, the oldest twin had her wisdom teeth out and the younger twin rang me this is only a couple of years ago and she's like, Mom, I don't know what's going on my mouth is killing me. And I'm like you do remember that.   This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   Hello, everyone, and welcome to the My Body My Story project and today with us Mel in the studio. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair, and she is doing makeup for her, I'll be asking her a few questions. Hi, Mel, welcome. Let's start and tell us 10 facts about yourself.   Okay, I'm 47 I have three girls. I have three grandchildren.   Oh. How old are they? Your girls and grandchildren?   The oldest is 29. And I have twins that are 24.   Oh wow. You have twin girls,   identical twin girls. And then the grandchildren are five, two and 10 months. Oh the little baby. First boy in the family for 65 years.   Yeah. 65 years. So they were all girls.   Yes. I don't know what to do with boys.   It's time to learn to learn. Where are you born?   I was born in Queensland in Toowoomba, I pretty much grew up around the Middle East Coast, pretty much Middle East Coast. Out on a farm and in Foster. I run my own business in Foster or couple of the Mystic Soul Dancewear. We are an embroidery, and above and beyond embroidery. And I am starting a empowering women business.   So it's a third business.   So it's a third business fingers crossed it launches in August,   You are a serial businesswoman   it was time. It was time. And this one's called trashed.   Ooh, interesting.   For all the women that are being treated like trash. Oh, so we're doing swimwear. And it's going to be about all body shapes, sizes. Not all the normal stick figure models that you see. No, we're not doing that. We're doing swimwear with you know, the the people that have got the big boobs, but the smaller hips, hips, people that have got the smaller boobs and the bigger hips and their standard not standard. Yeah, very much so that by wearing them, people feel empowered.   So how did you come up with this name?   How did I come up with a name? Hey, about six months ago, after 15 years, my other half turned up from work and said don't love you anymore. haven't loved you for five years. I'm moving and packed his stuff and was gone in 20 minutes.   Oh, gosh.   So this is my I don't know. Would you call it revenge? Would you call it turning it around? Yeah. You don't treat me like trash and yet not. So this is what I'm doing? Crate chat every negative into a positive   great story behind this concept. So what's your about your first two businesses you said? So what are they the main?   Okay, so originally, okay. 1516 1617 years ago, I injured my hands at work. I was told I was unemployable. I'd never work again. I was a single mom of three kids had a mortgage and just went I can't not work again. So I decided to open my own business where I could stop and start Try to allow my hand injury because I can't do repetitive things for too long. So, yeah, I started making dance costumes. That turned into opening up a dance business that turned into making school uniforms, making gymnastics costumes, making circus costumes. So now I pretty much make circus costumes around Australia do gymnastic stuff that goes around Australia goes overseas, dance stuff around Australia. And then impressive that sort of progressed into getting an embroidery machine starting to work where so the workwear is like Hive is Chef where corporate where was sportswear, all that sort of stuff.   So I just want to because I don't know this business really well, embroidery machine is the thing which makes logos ?   so we put people's business logos on to uniform shows to uniforms and gear, we put heat press, printing and all that sort of stuff on to costumes, and like the workwear and all of that.   if people want to find you in the business, where do they go? Do you have a website, Instagram, what is it called look?   Okay, the mystic soul websites down and out at the moment, but Above and Beyond Embroidery website is the products that three quarters on that website. The Trashed website will not launch until the ninth of August.   And we are in May at the moment recording this interview. So if someone is listening to the podcast, later than August, they can find you online as well.   And I also like if people have their favourite swimwear or whatever, I can also deconstruct their old swimmers and make them whole new pair of swimmers and you know, people that are having sex dummies and all that sort of stuff.   Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, it's a great thing. Actually, you can just alter it to the to the needs and to figure change if I know that swimming costumes usually don't live long. But sometimes we have our favourites which we grow out of or   amazing   Oh, 100%, not 100% There 80% recycled fabrics. And that   but it's not only swimming costumes, right? You can do any pretty much any clothing or you just..   Yeah, I just don't get a lot of time to do that anymore.   So you have stuff or you do everything on your own?   I have some staff that do certain things. And I've just started training up somebody else to actually do what I do the work itself. Yeah.   Excellent. That's a great business. So do you get invitation from all these artists? Whom you provide with? Like circus costumes and belly dancers? Do you? Do you actually go yourself to see the performance? Sometimes?   Half time, most of them just send me photos of like the groups or that in costumes? And that because, yeah, like some of them are gone to Disneyland and things like that. And I don't have time to take that much time off.   Yeah, but it's excellent. If I bet that people want to see where your work was travelled. Or, you know, it's interesting always to see when businesses place the pictures of the work or this artist is wearing all these artists and they've been here and they're like the Do you do any teams like that? Like, do you? Do you do sport dancing? costumes or just the   Yeah, so the competition? Performance costumes? Yeah.   Excellent. Excellent. Okay, so I'm just thinking if we got any if we got 10 facts about yourself yet, until you leave now. Not in Queensland you live?   No, I haven't been in Queensland for many years.   Yeah. Excellent. Okay. Do you have any time to do anything else like except your work? I know being a business owner is quite challenging task.   For the last few years I've worked 14 hour days, seven days a week. My New Year's resolution this year was to only work nine to five Monday to Friday.   Oh, really good on you. If, and I know you mentioned some something that you're gonna do soon, and actually what you did recently the bull riding, brave, brave of you since you said it was     Yeah, bull riding was to raise money for Ronald McDonald House. And the rock climbing is just bucket list. Always wanted to do it, and then put it off because I injured my hands. And then I thought, well, I need to go and do it to find out whether I can actually physically do it or not. Yeah. Only one way to find out.   Yeah, I just wondering like how it will go with I'm sure that   I don't know how it'll go. Somehow. I'll start my hands up. And yeah, see what happens.   Okay, so And let's move to other questions about ageing and body image. So what does ageing means to you at the moment at this age?   I'm actually loving this age.   I know, I know it our 20s. We think that 40s is being old.   Yeah, I'm loving this age. Because I had kids young, I basically spent the last 30 years looking after kids, or looking after somebody. So this age, it's now it's all about me. Yeah. And this is me, I can do what I want. I can do what I want when I want.   So I forgot to ask this question, because you mentioned that you have twins. Is there any funny stories about twins? Because they Oh,   my God, where do you even start, I wouldn't swap them for the world. But I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. I had to embroider their names on their school uniforms because nobody could tell them apart. When they were two years old, I decided to travel around Australia in a camper trailer. Great for toilet training twins. Because I spent most of the time inside toilets because they would not pee on the grass. Then I moved into a unit in Darwin, after about six months of travelling, and then I couldn't stop them peeing on the grass.   They finally they learned Yeah.   And then when they got to high school, they learned that they could swap what they were wearing at school and then teachers wouldn't know.   So someone was good in math, someone who was good in other subjects, so they swapped for the exam?   they just swapped to torment people. They like to tell people that they were born one was born. They're not classed as twins because one was born on the 31st of December and the other one was born on the first of January. So technically, they're not twins. Oh, so they tell people that all the time. So different years. So if you bought on different days, technically, it's not classed as   Oh, wow. But was it like a very close in the evening and the early morning? Or?   Oh, no, they weren't born in December at all. That's just what they tell. The jig that they tell people? No, there was seven minutes between them. Seven minutes. Yeah, I was taken to the hospital to shut me up and wasting Buck fuel.   What did you do? Could you say tell difference?   there was a pound difference between the two of them. But I did take the fingernail polish with me to the hospital just in case you never mix them up when the group when they were growing up. one was always slightly bigger than the other one when they were little. And then by the time they reached like the same sort of sizing level that so different personality. So different.   You could recognise that you never had this same dress look.   When they wanted to dress like twins. They used to dress like twins. If they didn't want to look like twins. They didn't dress like twins.   But it's always interesting. We had the one of our first participant Michelle, she's I think episode number three. And she's one of the twins and she was telling us through a lot of fun stories.   Yeah, they have that twin thing going where if one gets injured, the other one can get the concussion or so they've like, yeah, the oldest twin had a wisdom teeth out and the younger twin rang me this is only a couple years ago and she's like Mom, I don't know what's going on. My mouth is killing me. And I'm like you do remember that you have to call us the other one is getting her wisdom teeth out at the moment and she's like, Oh my god. And the one that got the wisdom teeth out. Never had any pain or anything didn't take painkillers or anything for like the two weeks. And the one that didn't have them out. Had to have pain.   Oh my god, this is weird. That's interesting. Yeah. Yes, your connection. I wonder what it is because I studied psychology in university and we studied twins. And still it's not discovered completely, you know, some mystic connection.   How there's no real way to explain it, you've got to actually see it.   It's like your other half. Just in different body.   Yeah, it's similar to yours. This is exactly the same then 99.99 Hang on. 99.999957% identical.   And they have different personalities imagined like it's   it's unimaginable seriously. So they wanted to find out for their 21st birthday. We didn't know to win. So they did like a genetic test. Yeah.   Perfect. Exciting. So what? If you could go back to any age of yours? What it wouldn't be? Why? And what advice would you give yourself at this age,   I don't think I'd go back. Everything that you go through that you've been through, makes you who you are. Now, if you go back and change even one thing, you're not going to be the same person that you are now.   It's like a butterfly effect.   So as much as you'd like to go back and just change any of the crap, so to speak, I wouldn't be who I am now. Wouldn't be as strong as I am now. Wouldn't be as determined as I am now. So all those little triumphs along the way make you who Yeah,   it's cool. 100% percent acceptance of your path.   This is mean, yeah. And I'm not ready to accept that 100% Here, I would go back in time to some age. But it's good. Yeah, I love this. We talked about it this morning. And I could go back to when I was three, and try and stop my father passing away and that but try and remember a bit more. But if I went back to them when I was three, well, I'm not going to actually remember. Any anyway. So   So if you could, your body could talk, what do you think it would ask you will tell you at that moment,   probably not to play so much nipple on that when I was younger, I can't run anymore. As soon as I run, I get shin splints. But look, you my body now is a result of everything I've been through throughout my whole life. By changed parts of that body, I changed parts of my life, and then I'm not who I am.   So what what your body will tell you   relax a bit more. Take time out, enjoy your life, enjoy it to the fullest because we never know when it's going to be over. And it could be over in a blink of an eye.   So where do you think those body related issues come from?   A lot of its social media. A lot of its social media. A lot of it's peer pressure. Doesn't matter what you say to a person that has body images, image issues. They have to go through it themselves. They have to get to a point where they're okay. With themselves. Sometimes trauma sparks it. But no matter what they have to get through their day by day, minute by minute, hour by hour until they accept themselves for who they are.   Because it leads to another question that do you think people need to accept themselves because it affects their relationship in every area like the work area, personal relationship,   if you're not happy within who you are, it affects your whole life. That's one of the reasons why I'm doing this crash swim where I'm not having normal models. I am having everybody every shape Sighs every scar, everything is real normal people. Yeah, not models, but real because life isn't about models. It's about real normal people. And we need to start putting that out there otherwise, this next generation is not gonna survive.   But do you think it's possible that people don't have body issues, or if it's born inside of the person, there are things which affects it, I just wonder if women had Body Issue. Like in the 15th century, if they were worried,   it's a taught thing. I think it's a taught thing with the social media, the magazines. You look at different areas of society, like we're in the city at the moment. But a small country town that doesn't have access to so much there is not as much of an issue with body imaging, as what there is in a big city. There's no, it's definitely a taught thing. And it's definitely a pressure thing.   I see it as like you have inside some kind of insecurities. And then this outside factors triggers that somehow. And so you can it can, if you're in a good environment, it can slip there. But if you're in an environment, competitive or demanding for you to look good, then it triggers that thing, you know, and it's depends on each person can have it in a big amount of small amount depends on their inner state, let's put it this way.   We're going to teach people to be more positive about themselves.   So this project that you're planning this business you planning to do, it's I think it's part of the initiative to for women to show them this.   Who you are, yeah, embrace it.   I really, really love this idea. I I hope it will work out really well for you.   Because this, we only get one body, we've got to be heavy with it.   Yeah. And we only get one life. And God we do with our bodies, like a lot of stuff. And our body is so resilient. And it can bear a lot of things before it says that's enough. Exactly. Yeah. So how do you overcome it from time to time if you have any body related issues? Because sometimes we have days where we're not happy or something? So how do you overcome that? What's your go to method? One day you wake up, look in the mirror and say, I don't like what I see today. So what would you do?   does not bother me at all what I look like, it's I am who I am. People don't like it. doesn't worry me?   Yeah. And you never there's no cases where you don't like yourself?   Oh, look, I could change bits and pieces. But what's the point? I am who I am.   So you accept it yourself?   Yeah, this is me.   And you I have to say that people don't see you but you are really good. You in the great shape.   My favourite song at the moment is that this is me from the greatest showmen. I think that should be the number one song everywhere. Anybody that's having self doubt to just play that on repeat.   So is it is it your favourite quote about being a woman or you have more?   Oh, I probably have hundreds of them.   So give us give us more.   Dare to dream because it's our dreams that motivate us to live. That's one that I've under No, I made up, up 20-30 years ago. I've got it printed on my mirror. Look at it every morning. So if again, dare to dream because they're to dream, dare to dream because it's our dreams that motivate us to live. So you've got to have a goal. You've got to have something that you want to do. You've got to work towards it. Even if it's five minutes a day, five hours a day, a minute a day, or even thinking about every day. You've got to just put that positiveness somewhere in your day. Everything happens for a reason. So when something toxic or bad or something happens in your life, not so good. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you just don't understand the reasons at the time. Might be five or 10 years before you understand The reasons but I believe everything happens for a reason. I just had one and it just went straight out the window.   Maybe you all remember that. Thank you very much for sharing your story. And I hope that this project you're doing will thrive and make happy a lot of women.   So if it makes one person happy, I'm happy. Yeah. And I hope you can change the life of one person. It's worth doing. Yeah,   I agree. Some people can change many lives. And some just one but still, it's worth it.   And every life counts. Yeah.   I want to thank you again. And I hope you will have a wonderful day. Because today you together with your friend,   we're gonna have a ball.   And she was in the episode before yours and enjoy the day and welcome to the project again. Thank you.   If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com   ----more---- This is the 45 over 45 chapter of MY BODY MY STORY podcast, where we celebrate rule breakers and role models - the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their SENSUALITY,  BEAUTY, SOUL, and TRUE ESSENCE.   For more information about the project visit: https://www.aleksandrawalker.com/45-over-45   ALSO Follow 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 page. ➡️ https://www.instagram.com/mybodymystoryproject   Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/storytrend/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/storytrendme/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNm0gSm6zsWjn4Zmitel8hA